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Episode 422 – Celebrate the success of others

• Welcome back QFY listeners
• I hope you are having an amazing morning – here with me – starting the week inspired and motivated
• Most of us are surrounded by people
• We are in close proximity to other people every day
• In the office, on the bus, even on the road, although we may not actually be able to see the people in their cars
• The grocery store, the doctors office, the coffee shop and the restaurant
• We frequent places where we bump against other human beings
• We may not know them very well, but they are there
• And then there the people that we know – they are on our minds and in our hearts – some more often than others
• How often do we acknowledge the people around us?
• Even the people close to us –
  • How often do we just pass them, talk about random things, but actually fail to acknowledge and celebrate them?
• I am as guilty as you are
• My co-workers – unless I see something obvious that begs to be called out – like a new haircut, weight loss or someone doing something great in front of me – I don’t say anything
• The same applies to my friends
• Unless they share a success with me – I don’t celebrate them
• My goal is to be more giving with my words – every day I want to try to find something I can celebrate in another person
• And maybe you decide to join me
• Because we All don’t receive enough praise
• The internet is full criticism
• Some workplaces are all about results but nobody actually celebrates them because they are never quite enough
• Maybe we get a bonus, but celebration is more than just money or gifts
• As simple as a noticing someone’s effort and mentioning it to them often can have a much greater impact
• But before we can give praise – we need to see it
• That’s where celebration begins
• I realized – I often don’t say anything because I don’t see it
• That doesn’t mean they others don’t do anything good, it just means I don’t see them doing it
• I don’t know what they are going through when they are doing it
• And I don’t see them
  • As a person
  • For who they are – their uniqueness, their strengths, their personality
• I pass by them without acknowledging them in my mind and in my heart
• Which essentially means that I take their presence for granted
• At work, this is easy to do
• Why worry about talking to people we don’t need right now, or we have a meeting with later anyway?
• At home its easy too, because the people we live with are always there
• And the many people in the service industry who open doors for us, pull out chairs, clean the places we use – we expect it from them
• Its easy to take the people around us for granted –
  • When we don’t know them – why would we care
  • When they are already part of our life – why do we need to
  • And when they don’t do anything memorable – whats there to say
• To acknowledge someone – we have to see them first
• Most of the time – we are only seeing ourselves – our needs, our to-dos, the things that matter to us
• To see someone else often requires a shift in our mind – its not something that comes natural to us
• I bring others to my mind when I remember something about them – some small fact
  • a previous conversation where they shared something about themselves
  • something that matters to them – an important meeting they have today, for example
  • and when I don’t know the person, I try to look for something good I can compliment them on
• on Monday I saw half a birthday cake on the counter in the kitchen
• I remembered it was the 7^th birthday of my coworkers daughter she had told me about last week
• So I stopped by to compliment her on how nice the cake locked and asked her about the party
• Recognizing someone means to tell them what they did well
• Seeing them first is crucial for that because otherwise we may not be able to think of anything
• And there is always something we can recognize about another person
• If we just focus on the other person – something will come to mind
  • It can be as simple as a piece of clothing that looks nice on them
  • The smile on their face, the spring they have in their step
  • Maybe their positive attitude and how it inspires us
• Seeing the person first will help us recall a previous conversation or any aspect that is important to their life
• people not only appreciate our praise,
• they also appreciate the fact that we pay attention to what they’re doing.
• Knowing their contributions don’t go unnoticed makes people feel they matter
• And who doesn’t want to feel this way?
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• Some of you may think now – but nobody ever recognizes me?
• And I wont argue – you may be right
• but that wont change just because you decide to celebrate someone
• words are free
• we waste them on so many conversations that don’t have much meaning or importance
• but imagine another person receiving your verbal pad on the back?
  • They might feel amazing for an entire day, several day, a week
  • They might share your feedback with others
  • They might remember it for a long time
  • It might give them hope down the road – maybe when they are questioning their contributions
• Often – what I notice – when I celebrate someone’s success, someones correct action, their contribution – they often come back and include me into the party
  • “I couldn’t have it done without you”
  • You have been incremental in encouraging me

• I think sometimes we feel when we celebrate others that somehow it makes them more important and us less important
• As if there is a score being kept somewhere that makes us more or less valuable based on what others say about us
• Celebrating someone means giving
• It’s a selfless act – just like helping someone out in need
• I don’t know why we are so stingy with our word while we are often not nearly as hesitant to help someone
• I definitely relate
• I have people in my circle of friends that have podcasts more successful than mine
• And when the group applauds them and not me, I feel the sting
• But I always try to tell myself “soon Janine – you will be there soon as well”
• We need to cheer our coworkers, our partners and our friends – even if we feel we deserve the cheer more
• I believe that the more we celebrate others the sooner our turn to be celebrated appears
• Celebrating is a spreading of positivity and they need it just as much as we do
• I have talked about this before –
• When we lift up someone else, it lifts us up at the same time
• I always feel great when I can add some joy to someones life
• Plus – it motivates me
• They accomplished something noteworthy – saying it out loud inspires me to do something similar
  • Compare that to just dismissing it as we often do in our thoughts
• And even if I am jealous – celebrating that person makes that feeling disappear completely
• Feeling good for someone else’s success helps us generate the same feelings you need for your own accomplishments – a feeling of positivity and generosity
• We need more of those attributes in this world
• And by putting them out there – even if they are for their benefit – we are creating a better life for us as well
• Because we are letting go of our own need for recognition and instead we give it to others
• And one day it will be given to us as well
• The ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus believed that the simple pleasures in life were the best ones: good food and the company of friends.
• It was a goal of his philosophy to attain ataraxia, which means a state of peace and freedom from fear.
• he wrote, “Not what we have, but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.”
• With every day that passes – I acknowledge this simple truth more and more
• My possessions and accomplishments don’t give me joy
• But when I can share the with others – I feel joyful
• I have a friend here in the bay area who has a beautiful home
• When I told her how much I enjoy spending time there, she said that she and her husband selected this home and renovated it with that purpose in mind – to enjoy it with others
• And it shows – they are a family of 3 but their dining tables and couches seat probably 10 people
• They have 3 floors and each has an area where people can gather
• There a books everywhere
• I love that house
• I feel the welcoming feeling there every time
• Celebrating others success leads to your success
• I believe this
• My friends house – guess what – she asked me to stay there over Easter and watch it
• There isn’t anything to watch really – he doesn’t have animals and the house has an alarm system
• She is sharing her home with me and you better believe I will enjoy a wonderful relaxing and productive weekend in an environment that stimulates my creativity and my thinking
  • In a house that others pay money to rent when they seek a weekend getaway
  • And here I have it completely free and for myself
• When we recognize others – we always gain
• Even if its just this feeling of having done a good deed that I described earlier
• But more often than not great things come our way
• The most important one – connection
• Even if you just celebrate your partner who lives with you – it creates a deeper bond of care and love between you
• But when you recognize others, even strangers, you are growing your network
• You never know who you are speaking to and how they may connect you to someone else

• I want to end with some advise:
• Celebrating others is not just something we can choose to do or not
• Its actually a good thing to do when we need help
• Try to Use recognition every time when you ask for help or advise
• Whether that’s in an email you are sending to someone asking for feedback or in a conversation with your boss when you’re about to ask for a raise
• Celebrate the other person first
  • Their work, their success, their impact on your life
• Now that I am a little bit more public with my podcast, I get the infrequent email to look at someone’s website, or read someone’s book, or share podcasting tips
• I can tell you – its off-putting to me if people I don’t know just ask for something
• I am not looking or a trade, or fake praise
• But I would like to know why they contacted me
• And not just because it seems to be a good fit – but tell me why
• If someone shares with me that my podcast positively influenced their life, you can bet that I will help them with something they may need
  • If it sounds genuine
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• So lets celebrate others
• Lets find something every day to recognize at least one person
• It will help us become more accepting of ourselves at the same time and will take our success to the next level.
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• Much love