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Episode 439 – Every action defines who we are

• Every day we wake up filled with ideas, inspiration and motivation
• We go about our every day life with thousands of thoughts about this and that
• In our mind we play out how things will go
• We get excited for special occasions
• We prepare for events, meetings, reunions and trips, near and far
• We think about everything we will begin, execute, and accomplish
• We go at it with intention
  • To want to well
  • make a difference
  • connect with others
  • and be successful
• we see it in our mind
  • endless possibility
  • like that workshop we commit to months in advance because we have nothing planned that far out
  • the calendar is wide open
  • we always wanted to do something for ourselves
  • this workshop fits right in with where we want to go
  • but then gap in the calendar is getting smaller
  • the workshop is coming closer
  • and we feel pressure in our chest “How am I going to do take all this time off when I have so much going on”
• We have great ideas
• We have tons of motivation
• But then we don’t follow through
• And all the inspiring thoughts and intentions remain inside
• we don’t do what we thought we would do
  • even though we were so passionate about it months ago, weeks ago, hours ago
  • we liked the idea by itself, but then the situation comes around to present the idea, and combined, the event and the idea doesn’t look so promising anymore
  • so we hold back
• we hold back from what we wanted to do
• Last weekend I wanted to invite some friends over to my house to reconnect
• I didn’t do it
• I was to busy to think it through and didn’t want to commit – and I dropped the idea
• Yesterday I decided to finally say something friendly to a person I always see working out in the gym by herself
• But when I saw her, she was talking with someone else, and I thought good – now I don’t have to do it
• For months now I have an action item in my calendar to start changing the wording on my website
• I have pieces written on my laptop, in my agenda, on post-it nots
• At various points throughout the week I get motivated and start
• But I have not taken the 2-4 hours it would probably take to write out the entire concept
• Great ideas, highly motivated, but not executed – yet again
•  
• We all have these small and major intentions of things we want to do
• But then – we don’t follow up
• You see
• Our intentions might be the best – but they don’t count
• They don’t make the difference to anyone
• Just because we have them inside of us doesn’t make them effective
• Only actions do
• Actions execute on our ideas
• Actions are what brings results that we and others can see
• Actions are ultimately the only thing that counts
• And it is through actions that we define ourselves
•  
• Have you every tried to decipher a person’s silence?
  • Someone else’s failure to respond to you
• Or their inconclusive words – jokes, sarcasm, indirectness, emojis, crypted messages?
• Or their complete lack of action?
  • Wondering why they didn’t say or do something
• Wouldn’t you agree that we spend way to much time trying to figure these things out?
• Action is the clearest message
• Action leaves little room for interpretation
• Action is the evidence of our good intentions
• Through action we show who we are
• And ultimately, it is action that defines who we are
• There is no need to lose time and energy over someone’s silence
• Lack of action is good enough of an interpretation for me that tells me everything I need to know
  • If someone who told you likes you or is interested in you but never follows up with an invitation to meet – it doesn’t matter how nice this person is, or how good his messages make you feel
  • You don’t need to wait for an invitation after you have already waited
  • You also don’t need to interpret anything into this lack of action, least of all that maybe you should be the one inviting
• Every person I have met that really wanted to get to know me, they asked to meet with me
• Lets take my new climbing partner as an example
• I love using my climbing partners because these are unique relationships that don’t compare to any other relationships in my life
• We only share one passion – most of the time – and that is climbing
• But it works similarly to any other relationship you want to have with a person
  • Maybe due to mutual attraction
  • Or because there is another form of connection
• I see lots of similarities
• But let me tell you:
• My new climbing partner reached out to me over Meetup after we met for the first time in a climbing meetup which my previous climbing partner organized
• I think that day we only climbed 1 or 2 routes together, the rest I climbed with other people
• There was a group of 12 of us
• After he reached out, we couldn’t connect for the longest time
• I was then still climbing with my previous partner and was faithful to him
• And timewise it never worked out
• But after my climbing partner moved, he reached out again and we made it work
• We have now climbed 3 weekends in a row and we are already making longer term plans
• When someone is interested to meet you, climb or run or dance with you, and you keep that possibility open by not shutting that person down, it is action that will make it happen
• The same applies to you when you are interested and want to meet someone else
• Action is the evidence of our good intentions
• My partner wanted to climb with me
• That first time we met he noticed my determination, my strength, and my sincerity with the sport
• We didn’t even have to talk about it
• It was clear – by him reaching out – that he wanted to climb with me
• Action
• And after our first climb – on the way back from the mountains, he asked when I am free again
• Action
• Our text messages are sparse – when, where, and lets go
• Its simple

• The people we want in our life are people that demonstrate their intentions in the important areas
• My climbing partner is quiet
• He shares bits and pieces about himself
• And that’s ok
• What matters is that he is committed to climbing with me by showing up when he says he will, by pushing through even when it gets tough, and talking though all the important decisions involved in climbing
• He does all of this
• Action
• There is never any uncertainty with him when we climb
• His action defines who he is
• And he is a reliable climbing partner
•  
• Your life partner, your business associate, your boss, your best friend and YOU
• all demonstrate who they are thru their actions
• including you
• the things we do and do not do every day determine everything
  • they determine what others will come to expect of us
  • they determine how others will behave around us
  • they determine the results we will get
  • they determine how we will feel at the end of each day
    • accomplished or defeated
    • hopeful or filled with doubts
    • growing or stagnant
    • in control or powerless
  • I can tell you from my own experience that every time I don’t act on my intentions I feel the latter
  • I feel
    • defeated
    • filled with doubts
    • stagnant
    • and powerless
  • because I didn’t show up in this world that way I want to show up

• Have you had arguments with a close friend where eventually one of you said “but I meant well?”
• I have
• We probably all mean well most of the time
• The meaning well is our intention
• But if the other person is hurt or upset, we didn’t execute on our intention well enough
• It then becomes easy to blame the other person
• We didn’t do anything wrong – we meant well
• They are just to sensitive, to negative, to this and to that – to understand what we meant
• I’d say that the problem is not with the other person
• The problem is our failure to act in accordance with our intentions
•  
• Have you had times in life where you gave up on people and goals with the statement “It wasn’t meant to be?”
• I have
• We probably all have
• The truth is – there isn’t a meant to be or not to be
• There is only action
• Something didn’t work out due to lack of action and effort
• Maybe from you, maybe from someone else
•  
• Taking action is can be scary because it means acting on our intentions
• And since our intentions are often different from the status quo – they signifiy change
• And we all know how much we despise change
• The fact is
• Most of the time
• We prioritize our state of the familiar and the known over the unknown and the change
• That is why we hold back
• Because its easier to not take a risk and do what we have always done
• But you know what?
• If we always do the same thing, we never get anywhere new
• We continue to get the same results
• And as much as we tell ourselves things like:
  • That’s all I need
  • I don’t want more
  • I am happy this way
  • This is who I am
  • People don’t change
  • And other self-limiting stuff
• Deep inside we all long for more
• We all long to be better tomorrow than we are today
  • We long for harmony in our relationships
  • For success and recognition with our profession
  • For discovery and adventure in our free time
• We all want to make the best out of this one life we have been given
• The only thing that is holding us back is a lack of action
• So my suggestion for all of you today is this:
• Paint a picture of yourself a few years from now
• See yourself as if you were looking at another person
• Describe who that person is that you are painting
• And then decide what is missing from who you are today to the person you will be in a few years
• And then set out to bridge that gap – one action at the time
• I love this quote from Rumi:

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

• We can replace the word love with anything that we feel is missing from our life
• We Don’t need seek the answers to our current state outside of ourselves
  • Blaming others or the circumstances
  • Or by telling ourselves this is all you we do or are meant to do
  •  
• Start on the inside
• Connect your intention with your outside reality and then act
  • Experiment
  • Fail
  • Try again
  • Until you get it
  • And until your new actions redefines you
•  
• Maybe today your co-workers consider you unapproachable
• But tomorrow you can make one small change to the way you interact with them
• Maybe they will notice the change – maybe not
• Maybe it was successful, maybe you messed it up
• It doesn’t matter
• Keep trying, keep doing
• You will get better
• And in a few months, people will say that you used to be unapproachable but now you are open and available
• Every action defines who we are
• Take good actions every day in line with the results you wish to see

Much love