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Episode 452 – Trust in life

• I used to be scared of life
• I used to be scared of the next day and what it might bring
• I used to be worried – all the time
• I was afraid of the unknown because it meant potential bad news
• Maybe this stemmed from growing up with my grandparents
• Their generation went through the horrors of WW2 where death was a possibility every single day
• Maybe – because my grandmother worried about me 24/7 – I became a worrier
• I don’t know
• I was in love with life, but at the same time – I was afraid of life
• And then, when one of those much worried moments would actually arrive, my life was over
• Yes – literally
  • I couldn’t cope
  • I fell apart
  • I didn’t think I could make it through
• The complications and one-way streets of life where dead ends for me
  • Bad grades
  • An upset person
  • Something missed or forgotten
  • An failure
  • A denial
• Moments like these would stop me dead in my tracks
• I couldn’t think rational
• I wasn’t able to make do with the situation and work around it
• I stressed out immensely – even over little things
• A natural reaction this dilemma was to gain control
• If I could control events – prepare, manage and predict as much as possible – then I would avoid the dreaded surprises
• Well – I am sure you know that this doesn’t work
• We cannot control every aspect of life
• While it makes us feel better when we attempt to, it doesn’t help with the real problem
• To accept life as it is
• Because the more we control the lower our tolerance for surprises
  • For things to not go according to plan
• We are putting in all this effort – so we want it to work
• And when it didn’t, I still fell apart
• And – on top of that
• I never took any risks
• Because those were not in plan
• And those would only increase the chance of something going wrong
• Today looking back – I am certain – I missed out
• I missed out on amazing opportunities because I didn’t see their potential
• I was to focused on my path, my plan, my schedule
• I was to worried about things not working out that I never considered the possibility that they actually could work out
• You see – I thought life was about gaining control
• I thought that the successful people had a formula that, if I followed it, would get to me where they were
• Step by step
• I considered life something to be mastered
• A game I needed to win
• And just like someone who is focused on winning only – I had blinders on and missed out on what life is actually all about
• To be lived
• And the key to living your life is not what you might think I will say now
  • To not plan at all
  • To live every day as if it was your last
  • To follow your heart and ignore all logic
  • And so on
• To live life begins with accepting it
• You see
• By controlling every aspect of it
• By making plans and not deviating from them
• By constantly worrying about what could go wrong
• I disrespected my life
• I disrespected the people that crossed my path – unplanned
• I missed out on opportunities that came my way
• And I kept myself small
•  
• Life is what is
• Its what is all around us,
• Our current circumstances
• Even if they are miserable,
• Even if they are not within our control
• They still are – our life
• And this is where we need to start
•  
• I battled with life because what was – was never right unless it went according to plan
• Everything that didn’t – was wrong
  • A traffic jam on my way to an important appointment freaked me out because I only saw as far as the appointment
  • My mind was so fixated on one outcome – it couldn’t comprehend that there could be other possible outcomes
• As a sidenote –
• I find it quite interesting that I chose a career that is all about solving problems
• Supply chains functions well because they have well established processes
• I love processes
• But at the same time, processes fail
  • Equipment stops working
  • People make mistakes
  • Nature enforces its own will
  • Things go wrong
  • Even within the best oiled machine
• And I love those challenges
• I love figuring out alternatives
• I like getting creative and working out a solution to a problem
• Yet in my personal life I coulnt apply the same principle
• Until I stopped
• I decided to stop worrying
• I decided to stop controlling
• I decided to go with the flow of life more
• This wasn’t an overnight decision
• I don’t know when I made it
• It just somehow came together
• I relaxed my grip on life and instead of making something work, I let things work out themselves more
  • When people decided to be upset, I didn’t jump in anymore to help them feel better
    • I let them be upset and I allowed myself to sit with that unsettling feeling that someone was upset with me
  • I stopped worrying so much about my finances, my job, my car and all my worldly possessions
    • Instead, I enjoyed them
  • And here is what I noticed
  • I realized that some things are less important than I thought they were
  • I made them important because I thought its supposed to be that way
  • But with a little distance, your perspective shifts
  • I gained more clarity on what actually matters
  • But most importantly
  • I realized that every moment, every surprise, every event can have multiple outcomes
  • Whereas before I only saw my outcome as a possibility
  • Now I noticed – wow – there are many options
    • Arriving late to an appointment does sound positive
    • But now I make it a challenge to find a solution that is workable
  • Yesterday at work a carrier called me
  • He was upset
  • He tried to pick up some airfreight from the airport to be delivered to our warehouse but was told the freight wasn’t ready
  • He told me the person was rude to him and that he wanted to be compensated for his trip
  • He went on an on
  • He only saw his problem
  • And he needed to tell his problem to the world and thereby find resolution
  • I am sure you encountered people like that
  • I was this person earlier this week
  • I was struggling with a sinus infection
  • And after several days of antibiotics still didn’t make me feel better, I went to the pharmacy for some sinus relief medicine
  • They gave me the strong stuff, from behind the counter
  • But I realized I didn’t have my ID in my wallet
  • So they couldn’t give it to me
  • I was so frustrated
  • I was already half-way through the store on my way out when I realized – wait a minute
  • I can by the regular stuff that’s not as strong and still gets some relief
  • I solved my own problem but only because I took the blinders off a little
  • That frustrated carrier?
  • I told him we will figure the situation out
  • He hung up and called again today
  • He is waiting on my to figure something out that is already in the past
  • He can’t get over it
  •  
  • Our problems hold us back when we turn them into problems
  • But
  • If we turn them into opportunities, they may actually bring us much further
    • And I am not saying to look at every problem in rose-colored glasses
    • Some situations are truly difficult
  • But if we begin by first accepting the moment as it is
    • Something unexpected has occurred
    • Ok
    • Now what
  • and then we begin to play with the possibilities
  • evaluating alternatives
  • drawing lessons
  • finding new solutions
  • it will give us freedom
  • freedom to let go of fixed outcomes
  • freedom from worry, doubt and the feeling that we are not good enough
  • freedom from expectations of others
  • freedom to live life as it is
  • freedom to make turn every moment into an opportunity for something better
  •  
  • The missed appointment
  • The denied job application
  • The cancelled plans
  • The unforeseen circumstance
  • The date that didn’t work out
  •  
  • All opportunities for something else
  • Not for what we had in mind
  • But something else
  • Something that helps grow our mind
  • Our perspective
  • And our character
  • Give it a try today when you are evaluating a must-be outcome
  • See if you an let go the grip a little and maybe allow it to play out a little differently
  • See what will happen if you let it happen

Much love