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Episode 456 – Self-love is self-discipline    

• My friends
• Welcome
• I hope you are having an amazing week
• And if you cannot find anything amazing in your life at the moment – try to look for the small lights
  • A smile from a stranger
  • A nice gesture from a neighbor
  • An understanding boss
  • Or being thankful for good things in your life – a nice comfortable bed, your car that’s paid off, a short commute
• Find something – no matter how small – that when you think of, makes you happy, even if just for a split second
• If you do this more frequently throughout the day, you just added a few minutes of happiness to a day that didn’t seem so amazing at first
• Sometimes the big amazing moments make an entire day amazing
• I spent last weekend in Yosemite national park and despite the many people there, it was amazing
• I could talk the entire episode about all the wonderful moments I had there
• But I only want to share one – the last one
• After a long day of climbing on Sunday and on the way out – we stopped at a riverbed
• The water was freezing but we needed a refresh
• As I lowered myself slowlt into the shallow water, my climbing partner pointed behind me
• And as I turned around there was majestic El Capitan hovering over me
• What a beautiful finish to an amazing weekend
  • Something I will keep in memory for a long time
  • Fresh cold mountain water, the last rays of sunlight on me, and the wall of my dreams behind me
  • The wall I want to climb one day
• We all can find moments like this in our days
• But we have to hang on the them
• Because the monotony of the daily grind wipes them out quickly
• I often look at my IG feed so I can inspire myself
• Yes, I post pictures and comments to motivate others, but I also use it for me
• The picture of my trips bring joy into some of the says that are less amazing
• So if your day is grey and bleak today – try this little tip –
  • Find something small to inspire yourself
  • And maybe its on your own IG or FB feed
• But lets talk about todays topic
• I was inspired by a short video Will Smith posted on IG
• So inspired that I needed to record this episode today
• Because never before have I thought of self-discipline as self-love
• When we think of self-love we think of spa treatments, days off, relaxing on the couch, eating ice cream and doing fun things
• When we think of self-discipline we think of restrictions, of cannot haves, and we definitely don’t associate joy with it
• Often we associate punishment with the word discipline
  • We need to lose weight so as a punishment we cannot eat ice cream for desert
  • Or we slacked off for to long and now we punish ourselves by working long hours
• Will smith proposes to change our view on both concepts and look at them as equal
• Self-love is self-discipline
• Sounds contradictory at first but lets think about it
• Will Smith says in the clip that Self love is behavior towards ourselves that is self-loving
• The Pleasure in the moment may feel like love
  • Relaxing
  • Slacking off
  • Eating that donut
  • Sleeping in
• I have found all these behaviors as pleasurable
• But only in the moment
• Later – maybe right after, or months later when my pants didn’t fit anymore, I regretted every one of those moments
• I loved myself in the moment, but I didn’t love myself afterwards
• Instead, I felt guilty, unaccomplished, a failure
• I am sure you can relate
• We all have to face these trade-offs every day
• Do we do what feels good right now or do we hold off and seek a solution that works better in the long term?
  • Do we suffer now, by being disciplined?
  • Or do we suffer later, by going for pleasure in the moment?
• I have found that true love is the love that lasts
• Just like the love in a relationship
• When the circumstances are hard and you work through them effectively together – your relationships gets stronger over the long term
• But when you give in to every fight and argument and don’t put forth the effort to work things out, then most likely the love wont last very long
• It’s the same with self love
• To truly love ourselves, we need to put forth a little bit of effort
• Giving in to all the things that sound pleasurable in the moment – that doesn’t involve any effort
• We all want to grow and be better
• Its an innate desire we all have
• We are competitive, sometimes with others, sometimes just by being hard on ourselves
• We want to excel
• We want do be better tomorrow than we were today
• But we struggle with our brain which is wired to seek short-term pleasure
  • Quick wins
  • Easy satisfaction
• And this need to go for what feels good stands in the way of getting long-term goals accomplished
• But what would happen if we change our perspective?
• Instead of looking at discipline as something punitive,
• what if we think of discipline as self-love?
• Because we love ourselves more than just this cookie, the 1 extra hour in bed, the alcohol on Saturday night, or the hateful twitter posts?
• We love ourselves more than just the momentary outlet of pleasure
• We love ourselves enough to not be guild-driven after these moments of pleasure
• Because that is what they are
  • Moments
  • Short amounts of time
  • A bite long
  • Sometimes a night long
• But never long enough to not eventually catch up with us and make us hate ourselves
• Which often happens
• Even if we don’t want to admit it
• And drown it out in just another one of these pleasure
• So we hop from one short term pleasure to another one
• Really only so we don’t have to face ourselves
  • Our dreams
  • Our hopes
  • Our desire to be better
• And we ultimately don’t love ourselves
• But run away from ourselves
• True self-love is self-discipline
  • Its waiting when others run
  • And running when others wait
• Its going for a long term goal
• One that we know we need, that will make us a better person, that will help us reach a new level in life
• Its saying no when others say yes
• And yes when everyone else says no
• Its doing what we know is best for us, and not following what everyone else is doing
• Because only we know best what it means to love ourselves
• Self love for me is staying active because I feel better and I am more productive
  • For you it may mean to rest more
• Self love for me is to get up early and start my day quietly, and in mediation
  • For you it may mean to jump up and get to the gym
• We all know what we need to love ourselves more
• But we don’t listen often
• Instead we follow whatever feels good in the moment
• Because we wrongly assume that this is what self love is
• But now you know
• When you regret whatever decision you made in the moment later
• When you are not happy with where you are now
• When you repeat the same action over and over again even though it doesn’t get you any further
• Then you know
• This is not self love
• Self love involves forgoing immediate pleasure for a longer-term result
• For a satisfaction that is lasting
• And that doesn’t result in guilt
  • A big goal accomplished
  • A dream fulfilled
  • A long-desire outcome reached
• The happiness and fulfillment associated with something that took discipline to accomplish lasts
• And it inspires to take on even harder tasks
• Tasks that require even more discipline
• And that result in even bigger self love
• Do you see how much further get can get with a little bit of discipline?
  • With a little bit of pain in the moment?
• All we need to do is listen more
• And always be aware of what it is we really want
• Not just in the moment
• But for this life
• Because the momentary pleasure usually don’t add up to anything
• While the momentary pain associated with forgoing these pleasures adds up to growth, strength and a better self

• What will you go for?

• How will you love yourself more?

Much love from me to you