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Episode 481 – Surround yourself with the best

• Welcome back friends
• As I am recording this, it is Friday before Labor Day weekend and I am off to Yosemite
• My climbing partner from last year who moved away is flying in and I am really looking forward to spending time together
• He was incremental in teaching me all the basics last year when I didn’t know anything about climbing
• I am sure there will be moments where he will say “I didn’t teach you this” or “I cant believe you still don’t know this.”
• But believe it or not – I am looking forward to this
• I am looking forward to working with the master, as I call him
• He has climbed most of his life and really knows his stuff
• And I enjoy learning from him
• His methods make sense to me and they are efficient
• I like the way he explains things to me
• And yes, even when I don’t get it right away, and he gets annoyed, he still explains it again
• My current climbing partner has a different style of teaching that I am still getting use to
• He is quieter and expects me to know something he taught me once and practice it
• He doesn’t like to repeat things and expects me to catch on quicker
• He is less outspoken and I have learned to recognize that – when he turns silent – I know I did something wrong or missed something
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• Isn’t it interesting how everyone is different?
• I find my climbing relationships fascinating
  • They are the closest relationships I have in my life at the moment
    • I don’t spend as much time on weekly basis with anyone
  • They are almost like a real partner relationship, except the romantic part
  • Its also very similar to a working relationship – except the financial incentive
    • My climbing partners often teach me as I am the newbie so I sometimes feel like I am working with my boss
  • There are many happy times
    • Often they occur after we summit a mountain
    • When the hard work is done and we enjoy the view
    • When we are hungry and savor a good meal together afterwards, reflecting on the day
  • And there also are many difficult moments
    • I have shared some of them with you
    • They happen partially because the activity we are engaged in is by itself difficult
      • We are not sitting on the couch together watching Netflix arguing about a movie
    • We are doing some pretty tough stuff, sometimes, with the life on our line
    • Every action and non-action matters
      • A few wrong moves can get us off route and cause hours of delays
      • A misunderstanding can contribute to an entire day of frustration and difficulty
    • I have had it all and it makes the already challenging aspect of climbing even more challenging
    • Because human beings are involved
      • The things they say and do and the feelings they cause in us
    • So
    • As I am getting ready for a long weekend trip
      • Packing everything I need
        • Climbing gear
        • Clothes
        • A few toiletries
        • Food
        • First aid supplies
        • Sleeping stuff
        • All the essentials that I am so used to having always around me I now need to think about
      • I want to leave you with a few thoughts that have been on my mind this week
      • They revolve around our human relationships which drive so much of what we think and do
      • Other humans affect us, more than we want at times
      • Their actions affect our energy, our motivation, and our decisions
      • Other humans can make or break our day, our week, sometimes years of our life
      • So here are few bites of wisdom from my heart to yours
        • Things I learned over the years
        • that I still don’t always get right
        • but that make my life better
      • and maybe they help you as well when it comes to the relationships with the people in your life:
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• Life is a one-time shot.
• We don’t get to practice and then do it over again the correct way.
• Its now or never
• Keep this in mind next time you are suffering again because of another person
• Seek happiness in all areas of your life – including your relationships
• My climbing partners are a good example
  • We spend a lot of time together and sometimes I am miserable
  • I will try very hard and give my very best to make those relationships work because I love climbing
  • But just as your love partner is not the only person in the world, there are also other potential climbing partners out there for me
  • I am already on my second partner so I have demonstrated to myself that it is possible
• Give your best but don’t force it
• Don’t spend time trying to maintain relationships with people that make you suffer or with people you don’t like
• Be always nice and respectful, but don’t stick around if your efforts fall on empty ground
• That applies to all type of relationships
• If we are miserable in our relationship, its time to end them
• We all deserve to be happy so lets find people that are good to us.

• Surround yourself with the best
• Here is the thing:
• When we hang around pessimists, people that bring us down, people that cannot articulate their thoughts and feelings in a mature way, the we will constantly waste time and energy guessing, waiting, deciphering, trying to mend and apologize
• Its not necessary
• We don’t have to put up with people just because they clicked themselves into our life in maybe a magical way
• We tend to hang on to long to the wrong people
  • Not just romantic partners
  • But friends and even family members
  • We don’t need to spend time with those people – even if they are family
  • We can keep them at a distance
• This became clear to me yet again last night when I met with my rehearsal group to discuss the attention matrix that I shared with you in the last episode
• When I presented it, especially my metaphor – they didn’t laugh
• Instead they told me that I am more badass than a rainbow
• These were exactly the words
• They built me up
• They told me that I have done so much more in my life than the little I shared in that matrix
• On the other hand, when I brainstormed with a friend over the weekend as to what a good metaphor would be for me – he laughed at my choices and made me feel diminished
• He kept picking instead of lifting me up and looking for my strengths
• Find smart, interesting, and accomplished people
• This may require some groundwork
• Put the effort in
• Don’t wait for those people to show up
• Go where they are
  • They are in the expensive worships, not the free ones
  • They publish articles and books and don’t make silly comments on other peoples’ work
  • They are in the early sessions at the gym, in toastmasters and at meetups because they got a busy schedule
  • They are looking to grow and improve themselves and if you are successful in finding and connecting with them, they may pull you into their growth journey as well
• Talk to them
• Set up meetings
• Follow up
• Then do it again until they are part of your circle
• I know – it takes a lot of work
• But the more time you spend with those people, the more you will become like them
• You will not rise up when people put you down
• But you will rise when they lift you up and challenge you
• always prioritize those people over anything else
• Value their time
• Show up when they schedule a meeting and forgo your happy hour or your sleep
• Because the time spent with them is worth so much more than anything else you could be doing
• I cannot emphasize it enough
• The one or 2 hours I spend with my rehearsal group and my podcast mastermind team is so enriching
• Its often the most important hour of my entire week
• It pushes me forward in all my goals

• Always come from a place of sincerity and kindness

• No matter how difficult the people around you are – try to be your best self when you are with them
• This is hard but I guarantee you that this is the best thing you can do
• It takes the most effort, but it also leaves you free of drama that you need to worry about
• When we are confronted with negative energy, our tendency is to respond the same way
  • Angry, with hurtful comments, jealous, revengeful, crying, etc
• These emotions leave us depleted and most of the time we regret them
• So much time is wasted in regret
  • Then we apologize
  • We try to make up
• Again – so much time and energy wasted
• Come from your best place right away and you don’t have to worry about anything else
• So you get a snippy text message or a question that makes you feel guilty
• Take your time with your response
• Breathe
• Reflect on what matters most
• And stay true to your values, like honesty and kindness
• And then respond
• If you don’t have the chance to take a break, be silent
• Wait until your heart speaks and the speak with your mouth
• Apologize
• Explain your reasoning briefly
• Acknowledge the other person
• And then let it go
• We covered some of these tips recently
• But if you always come from your best place, there is less cleanup you have to do
• Say what needs to be said and move on

• Show your commitment in actions, not in words
• We also talked about this recently
• Sometimes words speak louder than actions but ensure that your actions and your words are in line
• Commit to causes that matter and people that are good for you
• And then stick with it
• When you get in a time crunch, de-prioritize those things and people that don’t bring you further
• You know who those people are
• And look for the same in others
• Don’t surround yourself with talkers that never do
• I have dated guys that told me about all the wonderful trips we SHOULD take
• And then I got messages from them when they were in those nice places – but not with me
• My climbing partner started a calendar for us and the mountains we dream about together, he adds them to the schedule later when he gets home
• I will send him an IG post of someone climbing a mountain that looks great
• He researches it and sometimes it makes the list as well
• Actions
• You know when they are there and you also know when they are absent
• The same applies to you
• The likely scenario is that when we don’t show up, or others don’t show up for us, they are just not that interested.
• So the is no need to waste any more time

• Spend you time wisely my friends and spend it with good people
• Have a wonderful weekend my friends
• Much love