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Episode 493 – your unseen hours

https://jamesclear.com/great-speeches/1999-mount-holyoke-commencement-speech-by-anna-quindlen

Anna Quindlen is an author, journalist, and columnist.

I found a transcript of a speech she originally delivered as the commencement address to the class of 1999 at Mount Holyoke College online – I will link to it in my show notes.

Here are a few quotes from that speech that I though well suited for today’s topic:

“…nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great ever came out of imitations. The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect [in the way people expect] and beginning the work of becoming yourself.

“This is more difficult, because there is no zeitgeist to read, no template to follow, no mask to wear. Set aside what your friends expect, what your parents demand, what your acquaintances require. Set aside the messages this culture sends, through its advertising, its entertainment, its disdain and its disapproval, about how you should behave.

“Set aside the old traditional notion of female as nurturer and male as leader; set aside, too, the new traditional notions of female as superwoman and male as oppressor. Begin with that most terrifying of all things, a clean slate. Then look, every day, at the choices you are making, and when you ask yourself why you are making them, find this answer: for me, for me. Because they are who and what I am, and mean to be.

• There is so much in here and I can go off in many directions
• But I want to talk today about the subtler message in these lines that I see
  • To find our template
  • To discover what makes us unique
  • To stop following the compass of others and lead our own way
• It takes courage
• But more importantly – it takes time
• I spoke abut courage in one of my really early episodes
• Courage is not something you find within yourself
• Courage comes through doing
• By taking a small step and then another one
• I listened to a podcast yesterday where the host interviewed climber Tommy Caldwell, who created the movie The Dawn Wall and made the first ascents of some of the hardest routes
• The movie is on Netflix if you want to see an amazing story not just about climbing but also about teamwork and courage and hard work
• When the host and Tommy talked about his pursuit of climbing some of the most difficult routes, Tommy said:
• “A common question I get is ‘How do you get better at these scary things?’ You just expose yourself to minorly traumatizing experiences on a slightly increased level, day after day. At some point, you get better at doing things that most people would consider majorly traumatizing.”
•  
• Hard work and courage always go together
• Hard work consists of many small steps
• Eventually those steps become bigger because confidence grows
• And with a higher level of confidence you can take on bigger, riskier and even more uncomfortable tasks
• But it starts with work
•  
• And a lot of that work happens in your unseen hours
• These are the hours Tommy spent climbing walls – since age 3 – hundreds and thousands of hours
• Now we see him as Tommy the famous climber – we see the result of his hard work
• Most hard work occurs during those unseen hours
• When literally, nobody sees you
  • Because you spend days, weeks, months in the wilderness climbing up the same wall over and over again – figuring out the moves, perfecting the transitions and building strength
• Our unseen hours are those hours that are hidden, where nobody sees us
  • The early morning runs in preparation for a marathon
  • The late nights working on our side project or second business
  • The weekends locked up in a studio, in a hospital, behind a desk, in a gym
  • Long, lonely hours
  • Challenging hours – physically, mentally emotionally
• Much of the hard work that goes into a shiny and popular and profitable end results happens during our unseen hours
• The person we are now, that others admire for our skills, our knowledge, our resilience
• This person has been shaped during the unseen hours
  • When nobody was watching
  • When everyone was having a good time
  • Enjoying life
  • Relaxing, sleeping in
  • Hanging out and Having a margarita
• That’s when we worked hard
•  

“…nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great ever came out of imitations. The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect [in the way people expect] and beginning the work of becoming yourself.

• during our unseen hours we are doing the work of becoming ourselves
• we are working on a craft, a skill,
• on creating
• on exploring , and ultimately
• on becoming
• becoming the best version of who we are
• a successful climber, artist, author, blogger, podcaster, speaker, fill in the blank
• it happens during the unseen hours
• nobody sees when we fall or fail
• when we get up and try again
• when we suffer, cry, or rejoice and celebrate our small wins
• nobody watches our becoming
• but they will see when we ARE
• just like we admire Tommy Cadwell and all the other famous people
• one day someone, maybe many people will admire our work, our success, our being
• the being that was formed during many unseen hours
• after a lot of hard work
• and they will wonder – how do I do it
• how do I become like you?
• And you will know the answer my friend
• The key are your unseen hours
  • The time set aside every day where you work relentlessly on your craft, your project, your goal
  • The time where you may feel you are missing out on life
  • The time others don’t understand
  • Where your friends wonder where you are
  • Call you weird and stop inviting you
  • Time you sometimes might consider wasted, useless, not going anywhere
  • Time you spent often wondering, and doubting, and questioning
• All those unseen hours ay off one day
• You will look back on them and thank them, because they made you the person you are today

Then look, every day, at the choices you are making, and when you ask yourself why you are making them, find this answer: for me, for me. Because they are who and what I am, and mean to be.

• Make time for your unseen hours my friends
• Because when we are seen, things are expected from us
• Its in the unseen hours we can prepare
• Without distractions
• Without expectations
• Without being afraid to fail
• Its on the unseen hours we build the confidence that we need later for the bigger tasks
• Those with a huge impact
• A positive impact
• On the lives of others
• Because we have become who we are meant to be
• And now we help others become that too.

Much love my friends

•  
• It’s a lonely quest – I can relate to this
• I enjoy it because I am only out there 2-3 days at the most
• But the serious climbers literally spent years alone or with one or 2 people perfecting their skills
• So do others who become masters at their craft:
• Writers, artists, people that perform on stage in front of audeinces

Ending

• What are you going to try tomorrow to start being less distracted and instead take consistent steps into the direction of your goals?
• Share your feedback with me
• I would love to share your ideas on this podcast so others can benefit from it

And don’t forget to share this episode with someone you love, admire or want to be closer to

It may help them in ways we all cannot even imagine

Much love