Episode 517 – Do it alone

• Welcome back my friends
• I am grateful you are here
  • Thankful that you are spending a few minutes with me
  • But really these minutes are for yourself
• I record these episodes with you in mind
  • Hoping I can share something of value with you
  • Value means you find it useful, insightful, inspirational
  • Not just so you can feel good
  • But so you can think and do something new and different
• This is how I ended the last episode and this is how I want to start todays episode
• We are coming to the end of yet another year and usually I start speaking about goals and resolutions around this time, often already much earlier
• I have recorded many episodes on the importance of goal setting, how to think about your goals, how to set goals, categories of goals, and so on
• And yes, I am working on a way to add categories to my website so you can easily browse all my 500+ episodes by topic
• But in the meantime, you can use the search feature on my website
• And I will speak about goals this year as well
• Todays episode can be already be a goal for some of you
• And if not a an actual goal, I hope it inspires you
• I want to motivate you today to do more alone
• Because I know from myself and from the people around me –
  • If others around us are not there to do it with us, we don’t do it all
• And when we don’t do it, we run dry
  • We loose motivation
  • We give up hope and we shrink our dreams
  • We become lazy, comfortable, content
• But what do you mean by IT – you are probably asking now
• Here is what I mean:
• And I want to share a story first
• In the last episode I talked about my Thankgiving holiday which I spent in Moab Utah, exploring Canyonlands and Arches NP and the climbing areas around Moab
• On the last day we hiked up to Delicate Arch, one of the most popular arches in Utah and maybe even the entire country
• We left early and in the dark because we wanted to be there by sunrise
• I was about to not go
• I had not slept well the night before
• It was freezing, even though we slept in the car, and I wore 3 layers of clothing inside my sleeping bag
• I was cold and I didn’t sleep well until we turned the car on for a few minutes to heat it up
• Still – I was tired
• My friend drove to the parking lot of the trail that would lead us to the arch and I was in my sleeping bag the entire time, to tired to crawl out of it
• Debating, the entire time – should I go or not go
• And I could record an entire episode on the importance on GOING, even when you don’t feel like it
• Because especially when you don’t feel like it, its often the best thing you can do
• And so was the case for this amazing arch
• The hike up there wasn’t as bad as I thought and it wasn’t as dark as I thought either
  • The moon was lighting the way
• As we got there, the sun just started rising
• Another couple was already there and one arrived together with us
• There were about 3 or 4 couples there when suddenly a woman came on her own.
• It caught my attention because a) it was so early and b) there were only a few of us there and all were couples
• She stood out and 2 things crossed my mind, and I don’t remember which one came first but I thought them both
  • One thought was:
    • Wow – good for her
    • She got up early on her own, nobody needed to drag her out of her sleeping bag – she had the strength and willpower to do this hike in the dark and freezing cold
    • And here she has to face all of us who have someone to share the view with –
    • Its probably not easy and I can read her thoughts
  • Which brought about my second thought which was –
    • This used to be me
      • For many years, before I really discovered the outdoors through climbing and with that came the partners – I was always on my own
      • I am still on my own at times
      • Just yesterday – the hike near Stinson beach – I did alone
      • But before, if my only friend here in the Bay Area was busy, I didn’t have anyone and often went alone on a hike or to a beach
        • Often returning slightly depressed after running into couples
        • Not understanding why I didn’t have anyone to enjoy this with
      • And then came a third thought, a little later, and it was
        • I can do this too
          • I can do it alone and I can enjoy it alone
          • The assumption that I need someone there to enjoy it with is false
          • But I carried it for years
          • But in that moment, right there, I knew – I can do this too
          • Does it sting a little when you are in a beautiful place and only surrounded by couples?
          • Sure
          • But that doesn’t mean you cannot enjoy it
          • Its not the other person that makes whatever I do enjoyable
          • Its me
          • I looked at my climbing partner and friend and I knew – I could be here without him and enjoy this just as much
        • The thing that makes the difference when you’re with someone:
          • Its easier
          • Its easier to find your way because some else helps navigate
          • Its easier to take pictures of each other – you don’t have to beg a stranger
          • Its easier to share the joy because there is someone to talk to
        • But the enjoyment itself doesn’t depend on someone being there
      • And yet
      • This is often what holds us back from even doing things
      • And with that I mean anything that falls under venturing out
      • I call it – doing what makes me happy
      • You may tag it on your social media as “my happy place”
      • Julia Cameron in her popular book The Artists Way calls it an artist date, which she defines as
        • festive, solo expedition to explore something that interests you.
        • She calls it play
        • Its something that pushes your comfort level and thereby feeds our creative work
        • Because when we do something new and different, we refilling your inner well with images and experiences which gives us new inspiration for our work and our life
      • She wrote about an artist’s date for people engaged in creative work
      • I believe the artists date applies to all of us
      • We are all artists of our life, creating something meaningful
        • Whether that’s a painting, a podcast or a family
      • We are all creators of our life
      • Every day we get up and create
      • But creation requires inspiration
      • My best podcast episodes come when I venture out
        • For me this is often nature
        • But it also have been different activities with interesting people
        • Or sometimes just something new I tried, read or listened to
      •  
      • “Find the river and say yes to the flow,” writes Julia
      • The river is whatever peaks your interest
      • Ask yourself, “what sounds fun?” — and then the key is to allow yourself to try it.
      • Alone
      • Don’t wait on others to join you, invite you or include you
      • Do it alone
      • When I moved back to CA , which was almost exactly 5 years ago, I only had one friend here
      • For probably 2 years or so I did very little
      • I mostly waited on her to invite me over for dinner, go out with me for a drink, or a hike
      • And when she didn’t I wallowed on self pity
      • Only when I began to venture out on my own, which initially was only the gym where I began going regularly on my own
      • But that’s when things started
      • In the gym I met the guy who introduced me to climbing
      • When I joined a podcast meetup for the first time I met Mike, who later invited me to join a mastermind and now is a really good friend
      • Everything important in my life began because I did it alone first
      • And this is why I want to motivate and encourage you today:
      • Do it alone
      • Go for what interests you and explore
      • Find your river and go with the flow

Or – as  Julia Cameron writes, “the how follows the what.”

• That’s where we often get stuck and paralyzed
• In the planning
• In the waiting and the hoping for the circumstances to be perfect
• I say
• Go
• Get out
• Do what you want to do
• If its really your passion, which you wont even know until you try, then you will meet others along the way
• Just like I met podcasting friends, climbing friends and speaking friends
• By first going alone and trying it
• And then going again
• And sometimes it takes a while
• if you don’t meet others – guess what –
• You meet yourself
• You meet your thoughts, your worries and your fears
• And you learn how to deal with them
• My hike today was meant to challenge me – physically
• I want to improve my hiking speed, and my endurance
• So I picked a hike that went uphill
• And on the downhill I ran to make a good time
• Because during long approaches to the mountain, endurance and speed are critical
• And that’s what I worked on
• I wasn’t there to meet people because hiking is not a huge passion for me
• Mountain climbing is
• And today’s hike supported that goal
• But it also confronted me with my thoughts
• When I am alone I become more intune with myself
• And I noticed today how my thoughts went to the past a lot
  • Past relationships especially
  • Relationships that I brought to the present again with my thoughts
• So I consciously worked on that today on my hike
• While physically challenging myself
• Don’t wait for others
• Don’t be scared of being alone
• Instead
• Look forward to spending time with yourself
• You need it
• We all need it
• We need to learn more about who we are, what makes us happy, and what goes through our mind
• With exception of preparing some food, and checking my IG and posting some videos and pics I took today – all I have done since i returned from this hike is write
• That’s how much the outdoors inspires me
• Ask yourself?
• What inspires you?
• What do you call your happy place?
• Go there more often, and go alone
• Maybe what you thought is your happy place, is not even it
• For a long time I thought a certain coffee shop is my happy place
• Its just a place
• What I enjoy is sitting down, inspired, and writing
• That’s what makes me happy
• But you don’t learn more about yourself until you try
• So – if this is hard for you, maybe you make it a weekly date, like Julia suggests in her book
• A weekly adventure to do, see and try something new
• If you already know what makes you happy, maybe you just need to allocate more time to it
• But do it
• Because its good for your progress as a creator of your life
•  

“Action has magic so simply begin,” writes Julia.

And with that – I hope I have inspired you to take some action and do it

Do it alone

Find your river

Much love