Episode 522 – Lessons learned from my mom

• Welcome back QFY fans
• Can you believe Christmas is already over?
• A new year has begun – again
• Today was my first day back at work after 2 weeks off
• All the holiday decorations had already been removed
• Some left over candy was still laying around here and there on people’s desks
• But otherwise – no signs of the holidays
• The gym was packed tonight, as expected
• Did you get a chance to create a goal or 2 for this new year?
• I spoke about my goal-setting strategy in Episode 520 and you can download the worksheet that goes along with that episode from my website
  • Just go to QFY.com and you should see a popup
  • You can also find it available for download by going directly to episode 520

• I finalized my goals this weekend, after my mom left
• I had them already scratched down casually on a piece of paper
  • Slowly formulated them over the last few weeks as I thought about what I want to accomplish this year
• But then the 16 days with my mom happened and my life was on pause
• I talked about it in my previous episode
• I spent time with my mom, but didn’t have much time for myself
  • A selfish realization maybe, but one I struggled with
• But this weekend, after she left. I reflected on those 16 days
• And I realized that there were 2 kinds of lessons to draw
• The first kind I shared with you in Monday’s episode
  • Lessons on how to manage time that is not ours better
  • Lessons I wish I had learned sooner, while she was still here
  • I could have enjoyed the time more
• And as I thought about those days, I noticed something else
  • Another kind of learning
• Lessons my mom taught me
• This was much harder to even admit
• My mom is unique,
• But you probably say the same thing about your mom
• And we had not seen each other in a while so obviously she had new behaviors and mannerism I didn’t know of and wasn’t prepared for
• And when I observed them, I sometimes laughed, or was annoyed, exasperated even
• They made me shake my head at times, in disbelief
• Its easy to do
• We think our way is the best way
• We can deal with a little bit of difference, but not a lot
  • My mom is very different from me
  • She lives a very modest life
  • By herself, in a small village
• And while I accept her choice of living, I stull snub at times at how she makes certain choices
• But then I wondered:
• Why?
• Why do her behaviors irk me?
• And that’s when the lesson became clear
• Often – when we shine the light on what bothers us, we can gain some pretty interesting insights
• Instead of complaining, our usual first reaction, or laughing at, we need to reflect more
• Why is this bothering me so much?
• I discovered it bothered me because her behaviors are actually some I admire and wish I had more of
•  
• And as I finalized my goals for 2020 – the big ones, the accomplishments I am after
  • I added less tangible objectives this weekend
• And they came from watching and spending time my mom
• Incredible, as I think about it
• My mom who is not as fortunate as me and who caused me lots of impatience and some stress actually taught me something more about myself
• And these are the lessons I want to share with you today because I consider them important and applicable to many of us
• We live in a world where everything is available all the time
• Most of us live comfortable lives
• Food here is cheap, free Internet is available in many places, and we know how things work
• Life is pretty easy for us when you think about it
• Not so much for my mom and may people that live on much less and in more complicated circumstances
• She made me truly think and while I appreciate my life style, I am not always proud of the way I behave
• And that is where she motivated me to focus on more on this new year
• So here you go – 3 lessons taught by my mom
• Nothing she said or outright taught me
• Only by being who she is and doing what she knows is best for her

• ONE: resourcefulness

• She came with a tiny suitcase all the way from Germany
• 2 pairs of pants and a handful of shirts
• She knew we would go shopping, but she didn’t expect it and didn’t want a lot
• She is not poor
• In Germany the government provides a lot of assistance and she gets retirement money
• She owns a horse and spends probably a big portion of her money on that – rent at the stables, treats, medicine, etc
• This means, she has to be cautious with her money
• when she was with me, I noticed her showers in the mornings were brief
• She didn’t even turn the light on
• This of course annoyed me
• I know she has enough money so she can shower
• When I asked her about food – she wanted simple meals because that’s she is used to
• This upset me – I told her she needs to eat well because that’s better for her health
•  
• But I realize today that she found ways she can control her spending, even if they seem small and insignificant to someone like me
• We can shower as long as we want and never think about money
• We can eat 24/7 if we wish
• She eats, she showers, she does what we do
• But she found ways to be more resourceful
• She needs less and I admire that
• I have experimented with resourcefulness
• If you ever lost a job unexpectedly, then you also know about it
• We become resourceful when we have to, but when life is easy again we relax back into our comfort
• I bought my mom to creams for her face while she was here
• After a few days of using them she wanted to give one back to me
• She said I don’t need 2, you take one
• I probably have 10 different ones in my bathroom
• And this is how I will apply my mom’s resourcefulness to my life:
  • I will use what I have before I buy new
  • I will use less of what I have so it lasts longer and I don’t have to buy new
  • I will think about using what I have in creative ways so I don’t have to buy new right away when I think I need something
• This applies to many things in life
• From face creams, to water, to clothes, services I pay for, how I use my car
• Everything
• We don’t have to wait for emergencies to force us into tightening the belt
• We can tighten it a little bit ourselves every day by using our resources more effectively
• This will not only prepare us for those unexpected circumstances, but it will also teach us to live with less
• And living with less, in my opinion is living happier
• Because to much stuff brings also more worries
• But maybe more on that in a later episode
• For now, I am inspired to think about my belongings in more creative ways
• Using them more, using them differently, and definitely sharing them more and giving away what I don’t need but what others my need
• I already started cleaning out some cabinets and I know my closet needs work too.
• I encourage you
• Ask yourself – how can you be more resourceful this year?
• This is a great goal if you think there might be some change on the horizon, planned or unplanned
  • With your job or your family or your financial situation

• TWO: patience  

• My mom exhibited a ton of patience
• There were times I was stressed, late, unclear, nor communicative
• I am sure many times she wanted to say something but never did
• Never complained
• Only made suggestions
• But otherwise patiently waited on me
• Patience is not my virtue
• And I am not planning on tackle this impossible goal of suddenly becoming patient
• But what my mom inspired me to was to become patient with my words
• Quick words are easy
• But they also often get me into trouble
• Texting has made me fast typer
• But it hasn’t helped me become a fast thinker
  • At least not a good one
• I find that more often than not we try to clear complex topics in a fast way with quick words
• We don’t take the time to think through our words, how they might affect the other person if they are even the best thing to say at a given moment
• We use emojis, fashion-words, or we pretend
• Patience means waiting
  • Waiting for a better moment
  • waiting for someone
  • waiting for events to take their course
  • waiting before we react
• patience means allowing time and space to take care of something we are inkling to take into our own hands
• patience, most importantly, allows more thinking
• because we are not busy doing, we can relax and access our inner world
• we can think about the situation
• just like I am now thinking about the lessons my mom taught be
• while when she was here, I was to busy doing
• patience is critical for me as a constant doer
• patience says: lets wait a moment
• and its in those magical moments that often, a better response comes to mind a thought we had not initially considered, a better US is allowed to show itself
• which brings me to the third lesson my mom taught me
• and that is

• THREE: Humility and Kindness
  • I believe resourcefulness and patience help lead to kindness
  • My mom doesn’t speak English
  • Its stressful for her to come here and that is why she rarely visits
  • This was her second visit in the 20 years I have lived here
  • When she walked out of the airport upon her arrival, she was waving at people and introducing me to others she had met on the plane
  • I was about to flip out because it took her almost 2 hours to come out after landing
  • I already thought she didn’t make it
  • And here she comes all happy and chatting with people
  • Everywhere we went, and someone talked to us because they heard us speak German, my mom talked with them
  • At my Christmas party she had a crowd around her, even though most of them only knew a few words
  • Even at home in Germany she always is able to connect with people easily
  • I don’t have that ability and I think its because I struggle showing my humility and kindness
  • I have it
  • Close friends of mine will confirm this
  • But my first expression is often one of distance and aloofness
  • Whereas my mom engages quicker with people
  • And this gets her places
  • It helps her meet people that end up helping her out later
    • Even though this is not her objective
    • She is just nice
  • Its easy to be kind to people we know
  • But its much harder with strangers
    • When we are running around getting things done
    • A goal in mind, not a person, who may even pose an obstacle
  • The airport is the perfect place to practice this
  • And sure enough, I have an airport example
  • When I dropped her off and checked her in, the seat assigned by the computer was a middle seat in the last row of the plane
  • I know she likes aisle seats so she can get up and move around easier
    • Without having to bother people in a language she doesn’t speak
  • So we went to the counter to see if we can get her changed
  • I told the attendant that this is for my mom who cannot walk well and doeasnt speak English
  • Of course there I had to listen to all the excuses – this is a basic economy ticket – no changes allowed, the plane is oversold, we cant do it here – she needs to ask at the gate, and so on
  • After what seemed an eternity of waiting patiently, suddenly a new boarding pass was printed with an aisle seat in the middle of the plane
  • The attendant emphasized that she did this for my mom
  •  
  • There you have it
    • Patience
    • Resourcefulness
    • And kindness
  • All in one example
  • And a nice way to not only share some of my softer goals for 2020 with you, but hopefully also to inspire you to consider where you may want to make some changes
  • Maybe also inspired by my mom
•  

• Don’t forget, my goal-setting worksheet is available on my website
• Download and look at it
• Maybe you are inspired to use it
• Let me know how its working for you and if you have any feedback for me

Until then

Much love and happy new year