Episode 18 – Worry

• To often we spend our limited time worrying
• Worrying about how future events will turn out or past events will effect us
• We worry a lot
• And sometimes we worry just for worrying sake
• To me worry is an excuse
• Its an excuse we come up with so we can hide
• Maybe because we don’t know what to do or don’t want to do anything about the situation,
• So we decide to worry
• We somehow think by worrying we give the proper attention to the situation
• Its on our mind, and maybe, by worrying, it will resolve itself
• Worrying can lead to laziness
• Instead of doing anything we get mired in worry

• Ok I get it
• We live in constant uncertainty, and that can contribute to an increase in worry
• We don’t know if we are going to be able to save enough money for retirement, if we will get a job after college, if the relationship we are in will work out, if we can pay the mortgage we just took out on the new home for the next 30 years.
• Most of the decisions we make today will not reveal an outcome until many years from now
• So its understandable – in absence of knowing what will happen, we allow our mind to fill in the blanks
• And often – we are so uncertain that – instead of being hopeful, we decide to worry
• We all experience pain, and setback and opposition in our lifes
• It is part of life, but its not life
• But some of us make the setback their life – we cannot seem to move past it
• It determines our entire existence
• We hang on to it
• And why? Because its easy. Its easy to judge the rest of our life by this one setback
• We think that this is the way it will always be
• One failed relationship – oh well, I guess I will not have luck with partners
• Fired from a job – oh well, I guess I am worthless and cant hold a job down
• A bad grade in math – oh well- I am just not good in math and will always struggle with this class

• Its all we know so its easy to apply this limited knowledge to the next situation and the one after that
• Don’t make a judgement based on a moment
• Where you are now is not a final destination
• Life is a path that is not always paved and free of obstacles
• So I suggest to you – don’t expect it to be this way
• Life has ups and downs so you may as well be ready for them, and prepare
• Its easy to live life worrying. Its much harder to become resourceful, creative and flexible
• That requires thought, it requires preparation, and most of all – it requires action
• I could read many stories to you from famous people that once lived in despair and without hope for the future,
• But they all had a glimmer of hope and acted on that hope, thereby turning their life around
• I thought about looking for a story like that and reading it to you, but instead, I am going to ask you for that story
• Because if you examine your life lived so far, I bet you can find a story like that in your own life
• Where you overcame an obstacle that you thought you never could move through
• Where you worried and worried and in the end realized that all the worrying was for nothing
• The obstacle went away, the situation turned around, or you moved right through it
• If you stop where you are now, in the midst of the problem, mired in worry and self-doubt, you will never see the potential you could reach
• And believe me, I know hardship
• I know how dark it can get and you simply don’t think there is a lightswitch
• You think its over
• You resign to the situation

• By now we established that worry is an excuse for taking action
• But on top of that – worry is a complete waste of time
• Worry lives in the past and in the future
• Let me ask you – what can you do about the past?
• Not much I would say
• The past is over
• And the future? Well – its unknown. As much as you try to control it by planning ahead, you cannot predict it
• Worry prevents you from living in the present
• When the worry is taking you out of the present, you need to find a way back to yourself,
• you need to come back to what I call home base
• meditation is a great tool for that
• it grounds you back into the present moment
• That’s the place where we can listen again
• So here are my antidotes to worry:
  1. Stop and listen
     • You incurred a setback, you suffered pain, you had a bad experience
     • Go through your pain, feel it, and let it take its course
     • Its all part of the process
     • Mourn, cry, do what you need to do, and what gives you relief
     • At the same time be open. Listen
     • Don’t close yourself off to the world
     • Name your worry. Be clear what it is you are worried about
     • And be realistic
     • Don’t single yourself out by thinking that this only happens to you
     • Don’t judge yourself, your life or others
     • Pain is simply part of life. Accept that
  2. Make a plan
     • Let worry and pain be. It will take its course and the time it needs
     • But start thinking of whats next
     • Ask yourself – what lesson is in this for me?
     • This may not become clear to you right away, but it’s a starting point for your plan
     • I strongly believe – There is always something positive in every stumbling block
     • it can be something small or it can be ground-breaking, eye-opening
     • so start small. You may not feel like anything grand at the moment, but you can take small steps
     • Its like taking a sweet pill to ease the bitterness for a few moments
     • Go for a walk
     • Mediate
     • Take a bath
     • Start easy. And then move forward with a plan
     • This can take different forms.
     • ONE – PREPARE – this is a step for those of you worried about the future.
     • If you are worried about losing your job, the prepare now. Start looking for jobs now. Add to your skillset by taking a class. Or find ways to add value at work that would prevent you from losing your job. Many options, but pick one.
     • Worrying alone without action is an excuse for doing nothing.
     • TWO – PREVENT – if the past was dark for you, then preventing is your step. You will need to put your attention towards avoiding darkness in the future. This involves some soul searching an analysis of what went wrong.
     • If your relationships always ended in disaster, then its time to figure out why. Seek help. Or analyze the situations and look for missing links. I call this step also Digging.
  3. Take action
     • You will hear me say this over and over again – without moving forward you will never find out the amazing things that lie ahead
     • You need to move.
     • Look at your plan and turn it into action.
     • See that counselor. Sign up for the language course. Join the volunteer group. Read books on the topics that frighten you. Learn.
     • Do something
     • In action lies opportunity.
     • With action you open doors.
     • Worry is a waste of time. It has no end point – it doesn’t accomplish anything.
     • Action brings opportunities, new people, another chance.

• My hope is that these steps help shift your worry into perspective
• That you can see better now how you can reduce some of the uncertainty and stress that is inherent in todays world
• And lastly – that you see clearer now that you don’t have to accept worry as part of life
• That you can move beyond it and come out better, stronger and more successful