Episode 16

Attitude

by Charles Swindoll

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company … a church … a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude … I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you … we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

• Which attitude do you choose every day?
• The one that gives you bitterness, jealousy, and anger?
• Or the one that propels you forward, that gives you energy and motivation?
• I am sure it’s a mix of both, depending on whats going on in your life
• When adversity hits us, its hard to be cheerful, even if cheerful comes easy to us any other time (to me it doesn’t)
• But life demands that we stay ON all the time. Job, family, school – these duties don’t just take up a lot of time, they also demand our attention, our presence,
• So what do we do?
• Often we think – if we just hide our thoughts and attitudes deep inside, no one will notice. We put a smile on our face and move about life, do what we need to do, get our things done and go home
• Inside we are frustrated, unhappy, depressed, discouraged, but we don’t show this to anyone
• its one thing when we have a one-time event that temporarily distracts us
• but more often, we simply have issues – and I mean issues
• things that stir us slightly inside
• a frustration with the world, with life
• disappointment that life turned out the way it did, and not the way we hoped long time ago
• maybe we have settled with life, accepted on the outside what is, but inside we have not
• so we smile on command, we say the things that are expected of us, we live our life this way
• Well – this strategy may work. On the surface.
• It works to keep our life in check. On the surface
• But a suppressed attitude will come out – it will show itself
• Impatience, quick rise to anger, a negative outlook on the world, jealousy,
• These feelings often stem from a negative attitude that we carry inside
• They bubble up, sometimes slowly and steadly
• Those are the feelings that you constantly feel, a little tad of frustration with your friend every time you hang out, or the bad mood you are in every morning you wake up and its not the weekend, or the unhappiness of not having accomplished as much as your friends
• And sometimes we have successfully suppressed it and don’t feel much until something major happens and we burst out in anger
• I am not saying there is anything wrong with a little attitude
• With some character
• With standing up for yourself, speaking up when you see wrong, getting loud when you are not being heard
• My voice on this podcast may be mellow, but trust me- I can raise it pretty well
• Frustration is normal, a bit of jealously is
• We are human
• And I am not talking about small signs of showing your character
• What I am referring to are the negative feelings that have manifested inside us and have taken hold of us
• Take a quick scan of your feelings
• Are you bitter about something? Maybe for a long time already?
• I grew up in a family where there was always bitterness because someone or something didn’t turn out as expected
• And that dissatisfaction and bitterness brought along other negativity in the form of judgment, anger, negative talk
• People spend their whole life disappointed about unmet expectations.
• What a waste of precious time.
• Are you feeling defeated by life? Something bigger than you decided your destiny?
• Or are you wallowing in self-pity?
• Poor you – everything is going wrong.
• These are bigger issues.
• They go deeper and they affect our behavior, our actions, the choices we make in life.
• In a sense – you are surrendering to your feelings about the world
• Just like your thoughts, they are now in control
• Have you ever experienced road rage? I have
• In those few seconds that I am yelling at the car next to me like a child at a tower of blocks that fell over, I am not myself
• Or better – I am not in control of myself
• And every time I react negatively, angry, out of jealously, on a whim and without thought – I feel the same – not in control
• Slave to these emotions boiling inside of me, the heart rate that goes up
• So what do you do?
• It seems big, insurmountable.
• And it is. Overnight you cannot just be angry anymore. I have tried – believe me.
• The key is to take it one day at a time.
• First you become aware of the negative attitude you display.
• How does it show itself?
• And I want you to name it. Say it out loud – what is it?
• Write it in your journal.
• We often think these funny little things are uselss – naming my emotions
• But is more than that. It means you are bringing it from unconscious to conscious.
• Like when you misplaced your keys and your search your brain – retracing the steps you took
• We are doing the Same thing here
• I use this strategy myself.
• When my heart beat goes up and my adrenaline flows, I have already trained my mind to question it
• I ask myself – why am I feeling this way right now? And then I keep digging.
• This happens very much in the background, but it happens
• And what I do next is this:
• I give myself a break.
• Nothing you can do about the anger already flwoing through your veins
• Positive self-talk?
• Breathing?
• If that works for you – do it. I mean that.
• It doesn’t work for me.
• An email from a co-worker that sets me off
• The tone in a text message of my friend
• Little things that bring about a negative attitude in me
• I TAKE A BREAK
• I don’t respond
• Possibly I take a deep breath
• But the most important thing here is – don’t react, don’t respond. Give yourself a break with this feeling
• Ask any of these questions:
  • Why am I feeling like this?
  • Is it really so bad? In the grand scheme of things?
• And then – after a break – and the length of the break depends on the issue at hand –
• I say to myself: How can I respond in the best possible way?
• And the best possible way depends on what you value. Whats important to you?
• Do you value kindness, openness, honesty, calmness, sincerity, ?
• Your response to the situation at hand depends on this
• For me – I want to respond in the kindest way possible, without hurting or upsetting anyone
  • And then – after my break where I may still be upset and angry, I respond from the best place possible
• That’s not always the perfect place, but its better than letting yourself be run by your immediate emotions
• You see – you reigned control in
• You took over your feelings and directed them slightly by thinking about them
• You did not let them run you
• And that is how you change your attitude, slowly and one situation at a time
• With time you will notice that will come easier to you
• Fewer things bother you
• Bitterness and anger slowly dissolve and you take on an overall positive attitude or you simply give up and don’t care anymore
• Not caring about something negative in your life is ok,
• It takes the focus off
• The so-called friend that always picks on you in school?
• Or the relative that makes insulting comments at every family gathering?
• People can turn you from sweet to sour
• I get it
• But today I say – don’t let that happen to you.
• Take control of how you feel and soon enough you may look past those people, or those events that affected you
• But it takes time
• And since it takes time – start today