Episode 596 –  My silence

• Hi friends
• I have been silent
• And today I want to speak about my silence
• I have been meaning to record this episode for a while now
• Its not what a good friend does leaving you out there hanging
  • And I am not happy about it
• Some of my friends have already commented on my lack of episodes
  • And I wouldn’t like it if I don’t hear from a friend for a long time
• But – it happened and today I want to attempt to explain what’s going on
• Which brings me to my reasons for this silence
• The number one reason is probably the fact that I don’t have a good explanation for this silence
  • I have tons of ideas for episodes
  • I have motivation to continue this podcast
  • And yet, I haven’t done so
• Half-heartedly I decided to take a break from podcasting, but I wanted to make that official and share it with you
  • Instead, I just took a break, never really spoke about it,
  • Why?
  • Because deep down, I didn’t really want to take that break
  • At least not until I reach 600 episodes
• I wanted to make it a clean break, and then also give you a date when I will be back
• But it didn’t do that
  • Every week I told myself – this week I will sit down and record #596
  • I looked at my calendar for the week and saw gaps and felt hopeful that I can execute
• But then, when the time came, I didn’t

• You see – when people ask how I was able to record 600 episodes in 4 years, I couldn’t really explain it
• I just had the motivation
• I didn’t always have the content, but the content always found me the moment I sat down to write
• Sometimes I had to dig around a little
  • Read something inspiring, or listen to podcast for ideas
• But most of the time, I had ideas in my mind
• And as soon as I sat down to write, they came out of me like a spring in the mountains
• The final episode wasn’t always what I thought it would be, because as I wrote, and thought, and researched, my ideas changed
• But most of the time I was pretty happy with the outcome
  • I learned from my own episodes
  • I gained clarity, focus and direction
  • I was fueled by my own content
• This is why I love doing this podcast so much
• I am constantly growing
• And getting out episodes on time forces this growth in a way
• And this is the main reason I hesitated so much to take time off from this podcast
• And Yet
• I have already taken it
• No matter how many ideas percolate in my mind –
• I just can’t seem to get an episode together
• And this is reason number 2
• I had some motivation
• I had several ideas
• But every time I opened a word doc on my laptop, I kept staring at a blank page
• Nothing came
• The spring was dry
• People said – maybe you’re burned out
  • Why would I be burned out doing something I love?
  • One explanation is that I sometimes feel like that this podcast isn’t adding any value – this is my inner critic talking
  • And since COVID hit, its talking louder than ever before
  • Yet I just shared how much this podcast also helps me
  • That is enough, isnt it?
  • Well, except everything this year is already much harder
  • So – this inner critic, the voice that wants to tell me what I do is not good enough – I hear it more than I hear my own voice
• I have reduced the number of episodes from 5 a week down to 3
• Then COVID hit and it became very sporadic
• Until I turned silent
• I don’t have a good explanation for the silence
• And I refuse to blame it on COVID
• Because I haven’t stopped any of the other things I love doing
• I am not curled up on the couch all day feeling sorry for myself
  • I am still exploring the world
  • I have hope for our human race
  • And I want to add my piece to this hope
• but as much as I want to keep episodes coming, I haven’t been writing any for a few weeks now
• again – because I don’t know why I am not kicking them out, and as much as I want to, I am still not getting them out
• 2 reasons that aren’t really a reason
• They are also not a good explanation for my silence
• It’s the same as if I told you that I have been meaning to loose weight, but haven’t really done so
• I have good intentions, but no action
• The 3^rd reason attempts to explain my lack of action – but I don’t like it
• Number 3 – I haven’t had time
• I don’t like this reason because what I should say here is that I haven’t made time
• I have had time
• But the time I have I am not using to write episodes
• Because I am such a stickler with time, I carefully analyzed it
• I wondered – what am I doing differently now that is causing me to not have time?
• I mean – before I had to commute to and from work, prepare lunches for the next day, go to a gym to workout, get dressed and do my hair
  • All activities I do sporadically nowadays
• I also haven’t spent more time in nature than before
• There have been several weekends I was at home, with plenty of time to work on episodes for the upcoming week.
• But I didn’t use that time
• So I looked
• And I found 3 changes in my days and how I use time now
  • One – I go for long long walks
  • Two – I take more breaks
  • And three – my evenings are not the same anymore,
• These are the main changes from before COVID – when I pumped out 5, later 3 episodes a week
• Let me explain them a little:
  • I now walk at least 1 ½ hours every day – that’s how long it takes to get my goal of 12,000 steps in
    • Before, I was out and about, and half the steps I got in just by walking around in the office, to and from my car, etc.
    • But these days working from home, I don’t get many steps in
    • so I go for long morning walks – my favorite time of day
      • and yes, sometimes I dial into meetings during these walks, combining them with work
    • walking used to be incidental – it happened as I moved through the day
    • now, I have to make movement intentional – and that takes time
  • I take more breaks
    • These are not necessarily rest breaks but I have those too
    • And I cannot really explain the reason for them because I never needed them before
    • I often take short 20min naps
    • Or I lay down to read a book for half an hour in the afternoon after my meetings are over
    • Something I never did before
    • But I also take other breaks, mostly to do chores
    • I clean my place more frequently, for example
      • Before I had a lady help me with that
    • I have more plants now which I attend to regularly
      • And if you were here, you could see how happy they are
    • Whether they are chores or time spent reading – I consider these breaks ME time
      • Today I did a load of laundry in the morning and made a quick errand to Trader joes for a few things
    • I need these breaks
    • But they also put me behind on my work
    • And this affects my evenings
    • Before, I would come home from the gym and work on episodes until 9pm
  • But my evenings have changed
    • I still work out, same time as before, around 6
    • Then I eat something light
    • But by 8pm, I am tired, unmotivated and lack inspiration
    • This leads to me lingering around to long on the interwebs and not doing anything productive
    • Or, and as has been the case lately
    • Work has been extremely busy for me
    • We are in the middle of a big warehouse move and ERP system integration
    • Because of that I not only work longer in the evenings, emailing with factories overseas
    • But I have also used more of my free evening time to surf the internet looking for jobs because after this move I know I will need one
  • These are the reasons for my silence friends
  • At least on the surface
  • Today – as I am writing this
  • But – if I am honest, I could dig a little deeper to see if there is more going on
  • For example
  • Maybe I just need a new routine
  • My old routines have crumbled with the change in my schedule
  • And while I have established some routines, like my walking routine, maybe I haven’t done a good job with my podcast
  • Maybe I need more discipline, which is easier to enforce when there is a routine
  • You may wonder how I got this episode together
  • I didn’t just sit down and write magically today
  • I tried a new tool I haven’t used before
  • A simple timer – set for 40 min at a time
  • And during those 40min I write
  • So maybe – all the reasons I gave you are just excuses
  • And there is no real reason – there is just the fact that I haven’t recorded any episodes
  • And I haven’t addressed the issue
  • I wonder how many of you are in the same boat with areas in your life you have neglected since COVID
  • Does it really matter why?
  • Or is it more important to think about how we get back on track?
  • This is what I want to figure out
  • The timer may help me
  • But I don’t know if it’s the ultimate answer
  • I think there is more to be discovered
  • And maybe I do need a break
  • But I can tell you – I miss this podcast to much
  • I love doing this
  • And I want to continue
  • I want to play with some different formats
  • And maybe, instead of overthinking them – I am just going to try it out.
  • So – with that I’ll leave you
  • My intention is to be back next week.
  • Until then

Much love