Episode 22 – How hard is it to be nice?

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
― Plato

• In the last couple of years I came to a major realization
• People intimidate me.
• Don’t worry – I am not going to dig into a deep psychoanalysis here on this podcast,
• I have identified a few explanations but I am also not determined to figure them all out
• What’s more important to me is to see how it plays out in my daily life and what I can do about it
• You wonder what this has to do with the topic of being nice
• Well – this was part of my discovery – I was intimidated by people, always worried how they might react, what they may say, so I crawled inward, hid, and tried to go through life unnoticed
• And as a consequence – I wasn’t confident within myself and not very skilled in my conversations with strangers
• I was just really absorbed with myself, ignoring people around me, and honestly – often I was rude
• I don’t know if its age or maybe a change of focus in my life, but I realized that self-absorption doesn’t lead anywhere
• So I am sharing something with you that may help you get out of it
• And that is – just be nice to everyone
• I know its sounds like a print on a t-shirt and in fact, you can get t-shirts that say “Just be nice”  – I checked
• The reason I think its worth talking about is that I see people daily that are like I was not to long ago –
  • they avert everyone’s eyes, looking down and away,
  • they try not to get engaged with anyone
  • when there is a conversation going on next to them, they make an effort to not get involved
  • sometimes they roll their eyes, make facial expressions that imply they are annoyed
  • sometimes I detect shyness, lack of confidence, even sadness
• but guess what – I also see people daily that are very skilled at being nice
  • those are the people that smile at you in the street when you pass them
  • they wish you a great day or ask how your day is going
  • they do something nice for you out of the blue – at random
    • they give you their parking voucher that still has time left
    • they let you share a piece of equipment with them in the gym
    • they let you go in front of them in line at the store

• and I always admired them – and wished I could be like that
• because it feels so good when someone is nice
• I am embarrassed to say – But I often dismissed kind words in the past
• When people made compliments, I interpreted it as – oh they don’t mean it, they just say it to be polite
• Again – I was to self absorbed, to occupied with myself, maybe insecure and immature
• Maybe just German (giggle)
• Many reasons
• And I am definitely not suggesting that everyone who doesn’t smile is self-absorbed
• Those were my reasons, but everyone has their own
• However, I want to encourage you to open your eyes a little more to the world around you
• Whether you are upset, sad, disappointed, hurting, or simply to occupied with your life –
• But my encouragement for you today is this:
• Just be nice
• It is only hard in the beginning. You are changing from being inward focused to coming out a bit more, and that change requires some getting used to
• You may not know initially what to say or do, but it will become natural after doing it for some time
• I am not perfect at it. I still get frustrated when the coffee line is too long and it shows on my face and my demeanor
• But you know what?
• Nice is the new cool
• Nice is more effective than being upset
• Nice is harder and therefore better
• Because the easy road is to go along with your feelings
• The challenging and more rewarding one is the one you have to think about
• And being nice pays off
• One – it feels really good being nice. I always tell myself that the person I am being nice to really needs it today at this moment. Which more often than not is probably the case. And that makes me happy to make someone’s day.
• Two – it takes the focus off me and my selfishness for a moment. This is a good practice for ANYONE. We are all absorbed with ourselves, and our own little world. Its good to look up and acknowledge our fellow human beings
• Three – its spilling over into other areas of my life. I have become more patient with people. More forgiving. More generous. I now watch my own behavior more closely when among others.
• Being nice comes from the inside
• It shows up when you realize there is more than one person in this world
• And that everyone faces obstacles and challenges
• It comes from realizing that you need to let go
• Letting go of trying to control everything
• Letting go of expecting everything to be perfect- on time, in the right condition, according to your expectations
• Letting go of yourself a little and contributing to a greater good in this world
• Y
• When you step into the public world, a restaurant, your workplace and school, any place that has more than just you in it –
  • Leave the ego outside, at home
  • Know that being kind is the best way to be
  • It’s the most human way,
  • It’s the most mature way
  • It’s the most intelligent way
  • It will lift you into the small percentile of people that can see beyond their own lives hassles and worries and to the person next to them
  • And make an effort to be that person
  • Because in the process, you will find that you not only change another person’s life, but also your own. You become a better human being