Episode 33 – Lessons Learned during difficult times

• Nobody likes difficult times
• We wish they would never happen, and if they do, we feel isolated, we think they only happen to us
• Everyone around us seems so happy and relaxed
• We feel stuck in a deep dark hole that we can’t escape and we wonder how we will get out of it
• Its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when we are in the dark
  • an event has occurred that we don’t know how to deal with
  • all we feel is the pain in our heart
  • maybe adrenaline rushing though our veins
  • our normal life seems unbearable, unmanageable

• The truth is, everyone goes through stuff
• No one wants to struggle. And if they do, they dont want to even admit their struggling
  • People try to make it thru the day,
  • smiling when they are actually hurting
  • working when they feel like staying in bed
  • exercising while the body hurts
• If everyone carried a list of past pains on their back, we would constantly be affirmed that our dilemma is not on single occurrence
• everyone goes thru them
• trials and challenges are an unavoidable part of life
• I have experience with religion in my past and I still listen to religious messages at times
• One aspect of religion I simply don’t agree with is this –
• I don’t believe that God wants us to live thru difficult times
• That somehow it is part of our plan
• Challenges are part of luck, misfortunes happen
• they are NOT assigned to us as part of our journey here
• we don’t have to suffer certain things to ascend to the next step on the holiness ladder
• you may disagree and that’s ok
• but we may agree on the end result, which lies in what we do with these challenges
• that where the religious message offers hope
• when it comes to misfortune, I believe they are part of life in general, and part the result of the choices we make in life
• Accidents happen, so do layoffs, natural disasters, people pass away, illness takes hold of us – these are things that we are not singled out for, even though it can feel like it
• Divorce, break-ups, financial problems, addictions, health issues – some of these can point back to ourselves and the possible wrong decisions we made along the way
• Often we see thing coming but don’t heed the signs –
  • Our body sends us signals when its not feeling well
  • Our relationships can be rocky and we feel that
  • We are constantly out of money
• We contribute to a potential negative outcome in the future through our actions
• Or we don’t know how to choose or make good decisions
  • We pick the wrong partner because we don’t know what we really want and need in a relationship
  • We consume food that is harmful to our bodies because we don’t know better
  • We make financial investments that are not paying off as we hoped
• Nobody taught us – we could not see it coming
• This is often the case when it comes to the people in our life
• They come as they are and we decide to make them part of our life
• We are humans so we crave companionship
• But we don’t know everything that is inside another human being
• Or how that person develops over the time they are in our life
• Sometimes these people are wonderful for us, they enrich our life in multiple ways
• And then there are people that are reduce the joy in our life
• They cause trouble, sometimes harm, pain and emotional suffering
• Their actions and behaviors expose us to situations that we often have not encountered before and therefore don’t know how to handle

• So I hope you see now that suffering can occur due to varying reasons
• Some of our own making, and some are simply part of life
• Some are easier to accept because we know we contributed to it happening
• Others cause resistance within us because they occurred at random – and our logical mind wants to wrap its hands around it and understand WHY US?
• The important part is – how do you move through such a challenge?
• I want to read you a quote from Roman Emporer and Stoic Marcus Aurelius
• You will hear me quote a lot from the Stoics because I often consult Stoic writings when I seek answers to challenging questions in my life
• The Stoics offer quite the advanced guidance given that their philosophy originated in ancient times
• I find that the Stoics analyzed life in a very dry and analytical way, resulting in solutions that can appear tough to implement because the emotional aspect is missing
• Hence the often negative association with stoicism
• But at the end of the day – emotions are erratic, inconsistent, subjective
• Strip them away and get to the bottom of the matter of fact and that’s what needs addressing

So here is what Aurelius said to challenges:

• So Aurelius argues that obstacles are actually our greatest opportunities for growth and advancement. They force us to re-examine our path, find a new way, and ultimately empower ourselves by practicing virtues like patience, generosity and courage.
• “The impediment to action advances action,” “What stands in the way becomes the way.”
• This is advanced
• But I am sure you have heard this before – boiled down – usually we say “What can we learn from this experience”
• While a question like this doesn’t offer much consolidation while you are in the midst, it gives you something to focus on
• In the beginning, I realize, its hard
• You cannot focus on much else other than the dilemma or obstacle in front of you
• Too many emotions in the way
• But you can teach yourself to keep this question in the back of your mind
• For when emotions ease, and reason kicks in
• Because eventually that happens, or at least should
• It will help prevent you from falling apart, from giving up on life, from adopting destructive beliefs that will hurt you in the long run
• Look for the lesson or the message
• Ask questions – why did this happen
• Don’t ask “ why did this happen to me”
• Remember – there is no answer
• Rather ask – What am I supposed to learn from this?
• Is there something I can do better next time?
• How can I change my outlook on things or my approach because of this event?

• We become much more in the trials and in the tests than in the blessings
• The blessings are easy
• We barely give them a nod
• When things flow as they should we don’t look up to learn, to reconsider, to make changes
• Everything is going well
• When hardship hits us it feels brutal, buts that’s when we are called upon to access our resources, our strength
• Not to give up, to throw life away, to retreat
• No – that’s when life is being loud and aggressive and its time for you to stand up and pull yourself together and fight back
• Remember this – it takes time to become YOU
• You don’t walk the red carpet of life and learn everything you need to know
• The pains and the scars are part of that journey
• They make you a richer you
• Take a minute and think back of something that didn’t go as expected in your past
• I am sure there was something – even if you are still young and you don’t think this applies to you
• a fight with a good friend maybe, or your parents
• this journey of learning lessons from life starts early
• what matters is what you do with the lessons
• what conclusions do you draw?
• What changes do you make to your thoughts, your behaviors and your actions?
• My message for today
• Don’t interpret issues as a setback – but as a moment toward uncovering a real need
• And then work towards addressing the need

“Does what’s happened keep you from acting with justice, generosity, self-control, sanity, prudence, honesty, humility, straightforwardness, and all other qualities that allow a person’s nature to fulfill itself? So remember this principle when something threatens to cause you pain: the thing itself was no misfortune at all; to endure it and prevail is great good fortune.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations