Episode 42 – Mistakes

If this is your first time listening to my podcast – welcome

• I am sure you have heard the saying “Learn from your mistakes”
• But way to often we are afraid to make mistakes
• Why is that?
• Maybe because we are ashamed?
• Afraid of the consequences?
• Hard on ourselves, not allowing mistakes as part of our journey

P.C. has a beautiful quote on making mistakes in his book Brida

“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.”
― Paulo Coelho, Brida

• When you find your path
• I love this
• Because herein lies what I consider the key to making mistakes
• But first lets start in the beginning
• We all make mistakes
• They are part of life
• No matter how much you try, you cannot avoid them
• We all make errors of judgment; we encounter unforeseen circumstances we didn’t plan on, and we make miscalculated decisions.
• We simply sometimes just say or do the wrong thing the right moment (think stock market) or we do the right thing in the wrong moment (think stock market)
• Mistakes are a jolt – sometimes small and insignificant – you ordered the wrong shirt size for your husband – and sometimes they have huge consequences – you invested heavily into a business that is not doing well
• What matters is not the mistake so much as it is HOW you respond to the mistake
• Do you dwell, spin in circles and blame yourself without end?
• Or do you focus on the lessons this mistake taught you?
• Or do you ignore the mistake completely and move on?
• Depends, right?
• I find that if it is a mistake that involves another human being, then I tend to dwell more,
• Emotions are involved and they can mess our capability to reason and logic up
• So I don’t feel comfortable giving you a true and told list of the greatness of mistakes and how you should respond every single time
• Each mistake is different
• Some mistakes may cost lives
• I cant even imagine
• But I do want to offer a few ideas that may help you next time you make those sarcastic and hurtful comments again to your co-worker, or you lend another 100 dollars to this friend that never paid you back the other 500 from last year, and so on
• Lets all agree on this:
• Making a mistake is a fork in the road
• It calls for a pause
• It calls for reflection
• The length of the reflection varies depending on your mistake
• Whether you choose to reflect at all is in your hands
• What I don’t agree with is the statement I hear often that – the bigger mistakes you end up making, the bigger the lessons you will learn,
• I think its not the mistake that teaches the lesson, but the consequence
• So many people get through life hurting others
• Why?
• Because there are no consequences to their actions
• I am certain they have consciousness of the inappropriateness of their actions
• Maybe they even know they are making a mistake
• But without proper consequence, some people are not inclined to change
• Lets all agree on one more thing:
• Mistakes don’t define you
• The fork in the road is your opportunity to go into a different direction or to load up on some extra gear to prepare you better for the road ahead
• Mistakes are what you do, and not who you are.
• Again – as long as you don’t repeat the same mistake
• Hitler certainty was a mistake over and over again
• He embodied the mistake
• There are other people out there right now consciously making mistake after mistake
• My podcast wont reach them so I am not worried abut them
• I am talking to you
• You who
• Maybe doesn’t learn from her mistakes
• Maybe dwells on the too long
• Maybe is scared to take another step just because of the mistake

Here are three important considerations when it comes to mistakes.

I believe they are critical.

The power of mistakes

1. Wisdom
   • There is always some kind of new knowledge, skill, or teaching in any mistake
   • Again, this can be as simple as learning when to shut up
   • Or it can be more complex knowledge
   • There is always an inherent lesson in any mistake we make
   • That lesson may not become clear and obvious right away
   • It may take time
   • You move on with life but you keep thinking about, exploring
   • Relationships come to mind
   • Why do they end?
   • Wisdom reveals itself in many forms and colors

• It can be a warning of worse to come
• It can show us our true feelings
• It can be insight gained about who we are
  • Its not always a simple answer and you may have to search within yourself to find the wisdom in the mistake
  • On a side note – a possible outcome of your search for wisdom may be that you realize that you didn’t make a mistake at all

2. Action
   • There is automatically a sense of action after each mistake
   • Often it is in the form of what not to do next time, or what to do better
   • When we mess up, we quickly want to fix it,
   • Or we tell ourselves that it wont happen again
   • The action we take following the mistake is critical
   • Too often we miss the Wisdom step,
   • We don’t reflect before we take action again
   • This leads to making the same mistake repeatedly
   • Think: relationship partners
   • Well-learned lessons lead to better choices next time
   • They help us become a better person
3. Help
   • If you cannot find the wisdom in your mistake, and / or you don’t know what to do next, then maybe its time to seek help
   • We undervalue help
   • We think we can figure things out on our own
   • We think it’s a sign of weakness to seek outside advise, whether professional or from trusted friends
   • Help is often what we need after major mistakes
   • The help you seek will guide you through wisdom and action
   • Don’t be afraid to seek help
   • Especially when you have been stuck on something for years or when things are not working for you
   • Hire a coach, see some who is certified and has experience with the issue you have

Mistakes are part of the experimental nature of life.

And the more you want to get out of life, the higher the chance you will make errors.

People that are fine with the status quo and that fly under the radar, they will most likely try to control they environment as much as possible and make a huge effort to try to avoid mistakes

While you want to make smart decisions and not walk into challenging situations blindly, you also don’t want to give up all risk-taking and experimentation.

That is after all, the fun and exciting part in life, and often the one that brings the highest return through growth and learning.

Instead, as you go out and try your hand at life and everything it has to offer, learn to expect mistakes. Always at minimum consider worst case scenario.

We sometimes don’t have a plan B, but at least consider what you would do in  case things go south.

Count your blessings every day.

That will help you remember them when you really need them.

Remember the Paulo Coelho quote from the beginning?

“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.”
―

when you find your path, don’t be afraid

move forward

you are on the right track,

that doesn’t mean mistakes wont happen

but you will get through them, because you are on the right track

its all part of the process

and that to me is the key

don’t make stupid mistakes

make good mistakes

sincere mistakes

things you took a chance with

you were bold and maybe a little in over your head

but you tried

those are the mistakes you will gain wisdom from and you will move through them

• Plan on the fact that you will get it wrong
• If you didn’t try anything, you would not make any mistakes
• You tried – now celebrate that you did

Ending with a quote from Kevin Costner out of Tim Ferriss book

“I usually know when I am on to something when I am a little bit afraid of it. I go: Wow, I could mess this up.”