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Episode 409 – Lessons from the donut box

• Welcome back my friends
• Did you enjoy my donut box story on Wednesday?
• Maybe you didn’t because I made you feel bad about one of your favorite treats
• That was not my intent
• I did sneak in some unfriendly nutrition facts about donuts but
  I really wanted to illustrate something different with this story
• You may know –
• I follow fitness people on social media and many of them love donuts as their treats
• They are in better shape than me
  • Ripped
  • Strong
  • Lean
• And yet – they can eat a donut every so often and it doesn’t affect them
• How?
• For a long time, I would see these pictures of them posing with their donuts or their ice cream or their cheesecake and I would think:
• If these people can treat themselves, then I can do too
• They gave me an excuse to go to Whole Foods on a Saturday evening and get a few mochis or a pint of Halo Top, or
• No donuts – but a few cookies on Saturday morning from the European Bakery next to my coffee shop
• And when I became frustrated about my lack of progress, I realized – every weekend I was treating myself
• my friends – its not about the donuts
• What I want to help illustrate with the donut box is that we need to take an active role in designing our life in a way that supports our goals
• Motivation is not good enough
  • Only for a few highly motivated people
• But even if we ask them – they probably have processes in place that help them
•  
• Maybe you want to be more social and meet new people
• Maybe you want to overcome a difficult relationship or have been through some other kind of challenging time recently
• Maybe you just want to be better at something, anything
• Its all the same
• The pink donut box teaches us that willpower is not an isolated force that is strong for some and weaker for others
• Willpower is affected by our environment – the donut box
• The degree to which are aware of this and are able to control our environment determines our level of success
• So here are my 4 lessons from the donut box:
•  
• FIRST
• Our environment has a major impact on us
• We are all driven and determined in certain aspects of our life
• Some people are not challenged by food in any way
• I know such people
• They only eat what they know is good for them, and when that is not available, they don’t eat
• We all are challenged in different areas of our life,
  • Donuts derail our diet goals
  • Social media and the television affect our time plans
  • Video games and happy hours rob us of our focus
  • The people in our life steer us in directions we may not have planned on going
• Everything we are exposed to on a daily basis shapes our behavior
• If we want to change our behaviors, we need to take the environment into consideration
• We cannot just plan a goal, a new habit or routine and expect to have enough determination to get it done
• In our mind – it always sounds feasible
• But we cannot foresee or plan what our environment will do
• TWO
• Our environment is not supportive during the transition process
• A new behavior or a new routine?
• Quitting a bad habit, trying to be a better person?
• We are swimming upstream
  • most likely – nobody else in your immediate social circle is working on the exact same thing
  • there probably are either to many articles and videos out there on the topic which only confuse, or none at all, leaving us in the dark
  • and leaving what we know behind to take a risky step forward is scary and uncomfortable
  • our environment as we have adapted to it will always try to pull us back
    • our comfortable sofa
    • our favorite Netflix show
    • the smell of food
    • the balcony where we like to sit and smoke
    • that one employee that pushes our buttons
  • We often find ourselves alone with our goals
    • Fighting against an invisible enemy
    • Making two steps forward and later falling and taking 3 backwards
  • Over many years, if not decades, we have made our immediate environment work for us
  • We have adjusted to it
    • Our home and our neighborhood, the people in our life, the things we like to do in our spare time
    • For a long time I would have this routine on the weekends of going to my favorite coffee shop early in the morning, with my journal and a good book
    • I’d order my latte and pick something delicious from the fine pastries they offer
    • The I’d sit down and reflect on my week and write, sometimes read, while I watched the people around me
    • I loved this routine and you may think it’s a good one as well
    • But when started working with a trainer who gave me a diet plan and who had weekly calls with me, I realized that while I was disciplined during the week, the weekend would ruin everything
    • And it started with a pastry on Saturday morning, which then led to cravings all day because that’s how my body reacts to a sugary breakfast
    • I realized – If I wanted to be successful with my diet goals – I had to change my routine
    • Which leads me to lesson number 3

• THREE
• If we want to be successful, we need more than just willpower
• We need a solid system or routine that keeps us on track and on schedule
• Something that happens almost on autopilot
• Without thinking or consideration
• Something that’s a given, no matter what
• Like your morning cup of coffee that you have no matter where you are in this world or how you feel
• Just like that
• A non-negotiable system or process or routine
• I exercise almost every single day
• Even if I don’t go to the gym – I think about how to get movement into my day
• Sometimes its just with a short walk or a 20 min yoga practice
• When I travel – I research gyms, pools and walking distances
• When I don’t move, I feel our of place, and frankly, not that good
• Movement is an essential part of my day and critical for my wellbeing
• Maybe like your cup of coffee, your morning shower, your evening phone call with your mom, your favorite TV show
• In my previous example with my morning coffee routine – I had to find a new routine
• Going to the same place with the cool atmosphere and everyone around me eating what I couldn’t eat didn’t work anymore
• I simply could not go there anymore
• It was hard
• I ate the same thing Monday through Friday
• On the weekends I wanted to treat myself a little
• But – if we really want something we can make it happen
• I realized that the real treat for me is not the pastry, but the coffee
• I don’t drink coffee all week so I look forward to it when the weekend comes
• And now – I go to a new place that has the best coffee and doesn’t have much seating
• Its not a hangout place and so I am not tempted to sit and order food from the bakery next to it
• I get in line with my thermos and take my coffee home where I sit comfortably in my office and either write an episode or read while I drink my coffee
• I don’t rely on willpower
• I changed my routine by creating a new environment that supports my goals
• When you can – try to design an environment helps you make the right decisions
  • If time is an obstacle – try to outsource some tasks to free up time
    • I hired a cleaning lady this year – this gave me back at least 3-4 hours every other weekend
  • If motivation is an issue – find a way to reward yourself for getting your stuff done
  • Also – make it as non-negotiable as possible
    • Roll our your yoga mat next to your bed so you stumble over it when you wake up
    • Pack your gym bag the night before and take it to work with you
    • Pick a gym that is convenient – maybe next to your office or on the way home
    • Block your calendar after a certain time of the day so you can leave on time to be home with your family
  • If you stumble frequently – remove the blocks you can control
    • Don’t buy the foods you don’t want to eat
      • Why have them in the house and waste valuable energy trying to resist them?
      • They can become a treat when you do stumble across them, in a restaurant or at a friends house
      • But those occasions are rare and then you can allow yourself that food
    • Technology can be really helpful for things you frequently forget
      • I have reminders on my phone for those things that are not daily and that I do sometimes forget or struggle with, such as my bedtime
    •  
  • Find the obstacles that are currently holding you back and then tame them
    • Control them
    • Outsource or automate them
  • Create systems to keep you in check
    • Systems that minimize the chance of a detour and unnecessary thinking and decision making
    • For example – I tend to wander in grocery stores, perusing products that catch my eye, sampling bulk items, and trying to think what I might need
      • This is one of the reasons I like Trader Joes
      • Minimal selection and therefore minimal distraction
    • Find what works for you but you need to be honest with yourself
    • And yes, sometimes this automation process will require a sacrifice
    • I don’t like veggies in bags but in order to save time and mental energy, I often put up with it
    • Just yesterday I went to WF to get some fresh fish and guess what happened?
    • I started looking and considering and thinking
    • I had to really pull myself out of the store before placing random things in my cart that I didn’t come to buy
    • Try putting your willpower on autopilot so you don’t have to rely on it.
    • And lastly,

• FOUR
• With a good system in place, we can make the environment our ally
• You might wonder – how?
• The environment always tempts us towards the bad
• As long as we don’t have a solid routine in place, the environment will constantly throw us off our wagon
• When it came to food – I didn’t have a solid plan
• I had a plan, but I didn’t follow it 100%
• My environment, especially my weekend environment which was different from my weekday environment
• On weekends – I wasn’t focused on my plan the same way
• Not following my plan left me with cravings, binges and incorrect estimations of what I actually consumed
• Hence – I was not able to stay on track
• Nowadays, I rarely have cravings
• I follow a strict plan that has some room for treats, and that is all I need
• Let me give you an example:
• Starbucks is the place where I get my coffee when I am going climbing or skiing
• I already know my last Starbucks before entering the mountain areas that I frequent
• Starbucks food used to be tempting for me
• Now – when I go to Starbucks – I have a plan
• I order the same thing every time – egg white bites and sometimes, oatmeal – if I have a hard climb ahead of me
• I don’t deviate
• I don’t even look at the food on display
• I know what I want
• Yes, there are rare occasions that they don’t have what I want
• This week for example
• I had a quick overnight trip for work and didn’t have time to bring much food with me
• I saw that there was a Starbucks in the hotel and that meant that breakfast was secured
• But – to my unpleasant surprise – it was a very limited Starbucks – no eggwhite bites
• As a result – I struggled and had to resort to some crackers they had
• Sometimes our systems will fail us
• But that is only a lesson to prepare even better next time
• I could have called ahead to ensure they have what I need and next time I will
• Lesson learned
• But you see, when you have process in place – it becomes much easier to stick to it
• Lets say you want to be less of a couch potato and get out more
• You could dedicate one of your free days every week and make it an adventure day where you go somewhere and do something new
  • This could become a non-compromising system that you maintain week after week
  • This way you have no excuses to go out and meet new people
• Dedicating a specific day of the week to do that is a system
• Its something you plan for
• At first you may need to remind yourself of it a few times by making a note in your calendar
• You may forget and by accident schedule something on that day
  • But soon it becomes part of your life
  • You plan activities weeks ahead already
  • And when someone wants to plan something for that day – you immediately know – this is your day and it wont be possible
• I know someone who takes a rest day once a week
  • And entire day – no work, no electronics, no travel –
  • just relaxing time at home, alone or with friends
  • sharing meals, conversations and laughter
  • she doesn’t answer my text messages that day either
• with a good system, you become in charge of your environment
• So lets get back to our donut box
• Maybe you really love donuts and even after prepping your food the night before and bringing everything that you’re planning on eating with you on Fridays, you stil really want that donut
• Then what?
• Keep digging deeper
• Find out when you crave the donut?
• Is it only when you’re bored or highly stressed?
• Could you bring a different snack to have for emergencies like this?
• I always have a protein bar and some beef jerky in my office for those moments
• Can you take a brisk walk?
• Can you avoid walking by the area with the donuts?
• Could you ask that the donuts be placed somewhere else because you really would like to accomplish your goals
• Could you ask to change the tradition and for healthier snacks to be brought ?
• So many possibilities to consider
• It just requires a little bit more effort
•  
• Our environment will always tempt us, but I believe this is only the case in the beginning when we are in transition
• With enough effort and dedication, we can make the environment work for us
• This takes time
• It will take many failures
• So be patient and don’t give up on yourself
• Focus on the big fish first
• Those things that hold you back day in and day out
• Once those are removed or automated, you are already a big step ahead
• Then address the little things as they come
• For example – every time I watch my friends cat and stay at her house, I fall victim to her pantry
• Not in my usual and controlled environment – I fall off track
• This happens 2-3 times per year but now after 3 or so years of staying there, I finally figured out that I need to find a system for when I am at her house
• We constantly fine-tune my friends
• It’s a never ending process
• But with every tuning, your percentage of winning over failing goes up
• And for the rare and unexpected surprises – you will have enough energy to use willpower
• But if we have to use willpower every single day – we cannot rely on it
• Lessons from the donut box my friends
• I hope you found them useful and please let me know if you were able to implement one or more of them in your routines

Much love