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Episode 411 – What is your untold story?

• I just returned from my public speaking workshop that I am taking
• Still so inspired from all the wonderful people I met there, their stories that they shared on stage and everything I learned on how to become a better speaker
• But there was something in particular that stood out for me from this trip
• Something I want to share with you
• Every day a few of us had the opportunity to practice a portion of our speech
  • Sometimes in front of peers
  • Sometimes in front of the teachers
• And during those session, where people shared part of the speech they are working on, often for the first time with someone else, lots came up
• As the teachers asked them questions about their performance, or challenged them to try something different, people gained major insights
  • some of those insights led to tears
• there was one very common realization for many speakers
• they noticed that they are not sharing the whole story
• they had a good story
  • whether it was about stress management for real estate professionals
  • or unhappiness in life for people at the top of their career
  • or financial advice for single women
  •  
• everything everyone shared was interesting, inspiring and informational
• but as several people got up to present their material they realized – something is missing
• and that something was more of themselves
• authenticity
• most people shared personal stories as part of their speech
• but quite often they stayed on the surface
• they didn’t really get to the bottom of the issue
• but then – as they rehearsed the story in front of others and heard questions from the teachers that challenged them
• many students realized that there is more they need to bring out
  • more they can bring out
• and it made me realize
• our best stories are those we don’t want to tell
• those stories deep inside of us
  • buried long ago
  • maybe even forgotten
  • maybe painful and therefore pushed far into the back
  • maybe embarrassing and avoided on purpose
  •  
• Those stories we think don’t mean anything to anyone other than us are often the stories we need to tell
• Those stories are the real and authentic US
• Because all the maneuvers we pull trying to keep that story inside is not US
• It’s only half of who we are
• Maybe even a fake self,
• One we adopted so we don’t have to show who we really are
• What is your untold story?
• We all have stories inside we are trying to suppress
• We all have been through experiences that shaped us
• They don’t all have to have been dramatic or painful
• But they were still significant
• They affected us and shaped us
• By bringing our untold stories out into the open, we free ourselves from the burden of carrying them on the inside
• Trying to keep something from coming out and be seen creates stress and tension
• That’s why people usually feel so much better once its out
  • Yes – its hard
  • Yes – it means being vulnerable
  • Yes – it means confronting inner fears
•  
• But its rewarding because once its out, there is no return
• You will feel better, lighter and most importantly –
  • You may realize that you have a story you want to tell to others because it may help them
• And that doesn’t have to be through a podcast, a book or public speaking
• It can be though another creative avenue that allows you to express yourself better
•  
• What is your untold story?
• What is inside of you that you have hidden because you don’t think it matters?
• In my group of people who want to share their words on stage I noticed that when they brought out the real stories,
  • Those experiences that made them who they are
  • That led to the decisions they made
  • Including the decision to speak publicly
• They became more authentic
• Their message became clearer
• Their voice more natural
• Their posture more confident
• And they felt better
• Public speaking is a performance
• But that doesn’t mean it needs to be fake
•  
• And you don’t have to become a public speaker to share your story
• Its just an avenue that helps you access it
• When I recall my first episodes of this podcast, I remember I was very careful with personal examples
• I kept most of my examples general which resulted in my episodes sounding less authentic
• Finding my voice is part of my quest for you
• It has led me to my podcast, toastmasters, a conference and a workshop on public speaking and who knows what else will come
• There is a person in my workshop who lost 300 lbs
• This journey led him to live a more authentic life and that has led him to create a consulting business
• We all have our untold stories
• Sometimes they are what holds us back from living to our full potential
• I needed to bring my voice out into the world
• I felt a deep inner need to do so
• Looking back I realize why
• I would have never otherwise dug deep inside to discover who I am
• Preparing for my podcast episodes day after day, week after week forced me to sit down and reflect on topics that related to my quest
• It was and still is the work I need to do
• My friends untold story was his weight
• Once he brought the story out into the open, the issue couldn’t be avoided anymore
• He addressed it and today he has a successful business and speaks to people all over the world
•  

• When we share our real stories
• Those untold stories deep inside
• When we allow them to come out
• it will transform our lifes
• if you don’t believe me – try it
• take out a pen and your journal and write
• or press play on your recorder on your phone
• capture your words
• then read them and add to them or edit them
• not to turn them into a speech although you can do that
• but to get the truth
• every time I prepare a speech or a more personal podcast episode I learn more about myself
• but its never just easy
• I have to think and ask myself a lot of question
• To get to your untold story –
• probe yourself with questions and don’t stop until you get to the real story:
• here are questions I often ask myself when I am stuck or I feel like I am dancing around a certain subject
  • what am I trying to say?
  • what do I want to say?
  • What is that bothers me
  • Whats a pattern in my life that keeps showing up?
  • Why is that?
  • What have I no addressed?
  • What is the real story?
• Keep digging until the story is told
• It may take days, weeks, months, years
• It will take however long it takes
• But usually it doesn’t take as long when you are really honest with yourself
•  
• Telling the untold story releases the burden associated with it
• As part of the speech I was working on I wrote about many of my childhood experiences
• While I have thought about them often throughout my life, I never actually wrote about them
• There is a magic about putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard that I cannot explain
• Seeing the words in front of us is almost as if they are set free, along with the pain and the melancholy tied to those experiences
• You have heard me share several of those experiences and since then I have worked on them repeatedly
• Untold stories take time to tell
• We may tell one version today and it sounds right and honest and sincere
• But then we read it or share it several times and realize – that’s not all – there is more
• That is where many of the people in my workshop landed
• They had crafted a great story
• They fluffed it up
• It sounded wonderful
• But it wasn’t the real story
• So we need to dig deeper
• At the airport I sat with an accomplished speaker who shared a story about his father
• He mentioned how for years he told this story in his keynote speeches until he finally realized why he told it – because he was angry
• But that is not what he wanted
• Instead he wanted to send a totally different message with that story about how his father was laid off late in his career after working so hard all his life
• But it wasn’t until he understood and acknowledged his anger that he could overcome it and then share the story the way he intended
•  
• You may never do anything with your untold story that you have told
• But my feeling is it will do something with you
• It will transform your life if you allow it
• it started with writing and recording 5 podcast episodes for me
• imagine what it could be for you if you decided today to begin journaling
• maybe every day
• randomly or specific experiences
• and what if those words on paper turn into more?
  • Maybe a blog or a YouTube Channel
  • A story book on IG
• not with the goal to get thousands of readers, but with the objective to produce authentic content
• what if your words inspire you to join a meetup on story-telling, improv or even toastmasters?
• What if you decided to use the words as a basis to write a book, a poem, or a short story?
• What if your words turn into ideas, concepts and strategies that you will utilize at work, or to start a new business?
• Untold stories unleashed have great power
• And the biggest of those power is that they set us free
• And once we are free – we are limitless
• We can pursue anything
•  
• Try it
• Begin writing the story you don’t want to tell
• Put it to paper or screen
• And keep working on it until it’s a story you want to tell
• A story that may help someone else tell their untold story as well
• And that is how we create change in the world

• One story at a time

Much love