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• For most of my life I looked for people like me
• People that have similar characteristics
• You know –
  • Driven, focused,
  • High aspirations
  • Goal setters and goal getters
  • People that are serious about life
• I was and still am serious about life
• But I noticed that more of the same people only get me more of what I already have
• And spending time with them only challenged me in areas I already challenged myself
• And I never really tackled others of my life
• You know – those that I may need to work on
• Like
  • Patience
  • Risk taking
  • Being kinder to people
  • More understanding
  • Relating to people that are different
• Its hard to learn when are not with people that exhibit those characteristics
• Its just like when you’re growing up
• Our family role models certain behaviors
• We learn from them
• We adopt those behaviors
• And whatever they don’t model well, we may not learn
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• When we hang out with the same kind of people all the time, we are exposed to the same kind of behaviors
• And lets be honest – we prefer our crowd
  • The people that get us
  • The people that are like us
  • Those we’ve known for year maybe
  • That accept us for who we are
• These a good people
• Our best friends often
• I have them
• I love them
• But when I only spend time with them, my growth as a person is limited
• Growth comes from diversity
• Growth comes when we add color to lives in the form of different people and groups and activities
  • The people that get us?
    • Those are usually the people that will agree with everything we do and every challenge us to try something new
  • The people that are like us?
    • They are likely to do the same stuff we do and wont expose us to different ideas
  • Those we’ve known for years?
    • They are predictable
    • We know everything about them already
    • We are comfortable with them, but are rarely challenged by them
  • That accept us for who we are
    • Those people are unlikely to point out our weaknesses and areas we should be working on
  • Its great to have a tribe of people we are comfortable with
    • Those special people we have I our lives that we can lean on for support
  • And I am not telling you to get rid of them
  • But I am suggesting to add color to the grey mix
  • People with different colors
    • Skin colors
    • Behavioral colors
    • Cultural colors
    • Age colors
    • Experience colors
  • This people add color to my grey life
  • My monotony
  • My grey and always same behaviors, reactions, thoughts and ideas
  • Colorful people
    • Similar to color I admire in paintings
  • Bring color into my life
  • People that are different from me – in all aspects – help me become a little more colorful
  • If I am open to it
  •  
  • I have found that I never even question my behaviors until I see others model a different way, a more effective way
  • I never really review my perspective until I hear or see a different one
  • I don’t think about my impact on others until someone tells me – honestly
  •  
  • And this happens most often in person
  • Online doesn’t count
  • I am talking about real interactions with real people
  • Face to face
  • Its easy to type words on a page
    • To ignore them
    • To delete them
    • And to misunderstand them
  • Its easy and quick to type on a screen
  • Nobody looks back
  • Nobody gestures, breathes, sighs, asks questions
  • Its easy to say whatever we want to say without ever thinking about consequences
  • And millions of people do it every day
  • Online!
  • But study after study shows that social relationships are the strongest, most consistent predictor of a happy life
  • So the first task we all have in front of us is to place a curfew on our online interactions and increase our personal connections with human beings
  • Those where you don’t type words
  • But where you actually hear the other person’s voice
  • And ideally even see their face in front of you
  • As humans – we thrive on social connections
  • Loneliness is on the rise because we don’t seek those connections anymore
  • Instead we lower our head and smile at our screens
  • The second task we then face is to connect with people outside of our comfort zone
    • People different from us in race, age, gender, income and social class
    • So we can learn
    • So we can expand our horizons
    • So we can change long-held beliefs and get rid of judgements and prejudices
    • So we can understand the challenges others face
    • Ans maybe do something to help them out

• I have a meetup group here in the bay area
• I currently only host monthly dinners but have plans to do more with that group
• I created the group because I couldn’t find anything out there that didn’t place a certain restriction on its members
• And those restrictions usually revolved around “sameness”
• I didn’t want sameness
• I wanted differences
• I wanted to meet with people that are different from me
  • With different challenges and experiences so I can learn from them
• And after over a year of meetings, I still have the same fears I had from day one –
  • What if people cannot connect with one another because they are all so different?
• And every dinner proves that my worries are a waste of time
• People of all colors, once together, face to face, do extremely well with differences
  • We want to learn something new
  • We are interested in the stories of other people
  • We are curious and more engaged when a different viewpoint is discussed
• Even if I don’t agree with everything this person may say
• When I sit across from another human, with feelings, a story, with different thoughts, ideas and possibly a different perspective on life
  • I have found myself to be more open
  • More willing to listen
  • More considerate to that person
• As I listen I notice how I reflect on my own beliefs
• And I sometimes challenge them
• I question whether what I am doing, thinking, believing is the best option
• And as a result
• I become a better person when I spend time with people different from me
•  
• Slowly, over the last years, I have added more color to my life in the form of people from a variety of different backgrounds
• I spend varying amounts time with them
• Some of them more, some of them less
• They are all considered my tribe
• Because they challenge me to be a better human being
• And they all do it in different ways
•  
• I have people in my tribe that are twice as old as me
  • They challenge me to speak clearly
  • They enrich my life with their stories
  • They teach me to listen
• I have people in my life that could be my children
  • They challenge me to be more tolerant and patient
  • They are ruthlessly honest with me
  • And they teach me accept more and judge less
• I have people in my tribe that I would have never considered years ago
  • Some are hugely successful and I am often jealous
    • But this jealousy also pushes me to work harder
  • Some are a little arrogant
    • They teach me to be more tolerant
  • Some only talk about themselves
    • They challenge me to put my need to be seen on the backburner and give them the attention they crave

• I spend time with these people
• I don’t live with them or marry them
• They don’t all give me advise on important matters in my life
• But they all make me better because of the color they add to my life
•  
• Don’t dismiss people you meet because
  • They don’t get you
  • They are not like you
  • You just met them
  • And because they challenge you
• Instead
• Try to look for the color they could add to your life
• With their perspective
• Their weirdness
• Their unique viewpoint
• Accept them
• Accept the lesson they might teach you
• Accept that they are in your life right now, at this moment
• There is probably a reason for that
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Much love