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– Welcome
– Yes, you read the title of this episode correctly
– I did not make a mistake when I named it your To-Don’t list
– And I was inspired to bring you this unique concept by a recent article I read on TED.com
– Which in turn was inspired by Adam Grant, author of books like Originals and Option B (which he cowrote with Sheryl Sandberg).
– I also listen to his podcast WorkLife with Adam Grant for an interesting perspective on how to make work more enjoyable
– And I am fascinated by idea of a To-Don’t list
– You know I like the to do list
– Most of us high achievers do
– But it also helps people who are otherwise very disorganized and have a hard time getting things accomplished
– studies have shown that people perform better when they have written down what they need to do
– to-do lists give us structure
o they help us prioritize
o they break down big overwhelming projects into smaller and more manageable tasks
o they keep us on time and on schedule
– well- ideally
– if we follow what we write down
o I have things on my to do list that I have not done anything with in months
– But I think everyone’s favorite part is when we get to check things off out list
– Writing them down may feel good
o It gives us clarity on what needs to get done and maybe some motivation to get it done
o But then the list is really a nuisance
– Seeing it is like running into nagging relative who always has to remind us of everything we have promised to help them out with but haven’t shown up for yet
– So yes, the best part is when we finally can cross something off that list
– Just this is motivation enough
– I mean I have completed tasks just so I can show some progress on a long list
– Its an eye sore for me – similar to an inbox full of unread emails
– Getting stuff done feels good
– But then visually seeing that we did them is even better
o Its confirmation and praise
o It’s a pad on our own back
– But for many of us our To-Do lists get longer and longer
– Its not always a bad thing
o It can be a sign of our growth and our success
o We find more of what makes us happy so we want to do it
– But it can become overwhelming because the moment may come where your list runs us, instead of us controlling it
o Where we are only chasing the off-checking and stop thinking about the meaning of the task for our life
– I try to control my weekly tasks and keep them to a few critical items
– But sometimes my list just keeps growing
o Its already Wednesday and I am still adding on things for the same week
– So when I read about a to-don’t list – I was curious
– But also a little suspicious
– Another list?
– But as I read through the article, which basically features Adam’s to-Don’ts – I realized
– I already have that list
– Just not written out
– But in my mind – I have To-Don’ts
– We all do
o Things we know we should say NO to
– The issue is,
– We are much more lax when it comes to following that list
o We give in
o We procrastinate
o We say yes to do many things
o And don’t we all do that?
– this is where this list can come in handy
– a To-Do list helps us prioritize and get stuff done
– a To Don’t list does the same
– it helps us focus on the important stuff by eliminating the unimportant things
o those that suck our time
o those that keep us from doing what matters
o those that don’t help us in any way in our quest
– for me – there are small and larger things on my currently still only on my mental To-Don’t list
o don’t eat after 8pm because then its hard for me to get a good night rest which will affect my effectiveness the next day
o don’t read a text message the minute it pops up
o I try to wait a little bit
 Partially I want to delay the gratification a little
 But then I also often just don’t want to be interrupted by whatever direction the message will pull me into
o And something bigger that I am working on:
o I wont saying yes or no to requests before taking the time to think about how they fit into my priorities
 Its so easy to get sucked into coffee invitations, happy hours, hanging out at my house, etc
 These are all great things, but most of the time I could use that time more productively

– Find what it is in your life that needs boundaries
– Maybe you want to work out early mornings but cannot get to bed before midnight and that is preventing you from getting up
– A possible to-don’t could be to no watch TV late in the evening
– Find the things that hold you back from achieving your goals
– Those are your To-donts
– There might be many but pick 2-3
– Those that will make the biggest impact
– Here are the 4 that Adam Grant shares:
–
– 1. Helping everyone who asks
– I think many of us have this issue
– We have our big to do list in front of us, ready to be tackled, but a friend calls us and needs help moving, and we say yes
o We want to help
o We want to be nice
o And we feel guilty when we say no
– Here is what I do to prevent most of such requests in the first place – that way I don’t even have to go through the painful process of having to say no
– I communicate with all my close friends about the things I have going on in my life
o Currently, most of my friends know that on the weekends I am in the mountains climbing
o On Sunday I am hosting an invited rehearsal for the speech I have been working on for months
o My climbing partner knows this and even though we are planning a big trip for the weekend after next, he already acknowledged that he understands that I cannot currently focus on that by reading maps and planning anything
– When you have big projects you want to tackle – inform your friends
o Hey the next few weekends I will be quiet because I am working on ….
– Just like when you go on vacation
– Nobody will ask you to help move when you are gone
– The same applies to your goals
o You are gone
o Away and working on big things
– Keep a door open for specific requests that you will help out with
– Know what those are
– Maybe a family member is currently in the hospital and you do want to be available for that person

– 2. Mindlessly engaging with screens
– We all need a to don’t list for our screens
– Grant avoids getting on his phone or computer unless he has a specific plan for what he’s going to do with them.
– This is one of the reasons I don’t watch TV anymore
– I just don’t know whats on and I don’t feel like wasting my time searching for something interesting
– I grew up this way
o We red the TV program in the paper and then we turned the TV on during the time we wanted to watch our selected program
– When I come home at night, often tied from the gym I find it easy to plop in front of my computer
– Its automatic – I flip the monitor up and I get lost in a screen
– Now I try to think about my evening in the car on the way back from the gym
– I set a plan on what I will do when I get home
– What are your temptations when it comes to email, general internet usage and social media?
– stop yourself from succumbing by creating a to-Don’t around it.
– 3. Putting work ahead of family time
– We have busy lives and sometimes our family suffers
– Grant tries to reserve 3–7pm on weekdays as a solid block of family time
– My family time is my weekend climbing time
– I work hard all week to be able to escape for an entire weekend
– My new climbing partner is committing a lot of time to our projects and to my learning so I better honor that
– You to-don’t might be to not work on weekends so you can spend quality time with your family
– Lastly Grant seems to have an addiction with scrabble
–
– 4. Playing online Scrabble
– Is a to don’t for him – sounds like he does it only with his sister on her birthday
– We all have out little escapes were we like to get lost
– Sometimes we need to limit them before they take over
– For me its IG
– I don’t really play online games
– I also need to monitor my podcast listening activities
– As they are piling up in my App they are like another to-do list
– I am learning to let go the notion that I need to be caught up on listening to all of them all the time
– Currently I don’t listen at all as I am preparing for my speech every time I am I the car
–

– Creating a to-don’t list may help you hold myself accountable to your most important endeavors
– It can be a Sticky note on your bathroom mirror or a reminder in your calendar
– Give it a try
– Especially when you have to many things on your list or just to much going on in your life
– The only way to move forward is to narrow them down and let the less important tasks go, at least for a while
– And instead of trying to get more done – be on the lookout for things you can not do,
– Decide what is not important, and what won’t add real benefit to the day, and manage your priorities that way

Give it a try and see how it goes

Much love