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Episode 484 – how to combine purpose and fun

• People that are aware of everything I am working on frequently ask me if I still have time for fun
• They cannot believe that I haven’t turned on my television in months
• Or that I haven’t been able to finish a book
• Or that I don’t have time for coffee or dinner on the weekends
• But they wrongly assume, just because I don’t do these things, that I don’t have fun
• I have to tell you:
• I walked in downtown Oakland last night, on the way back from the climbing gym to my parked car
• I have not climbed at that gym in a long time and I also haven’t walked in downtown Oakland in some time
• I passed a bunch of bars and restaurants and it reminded me of the days when I first arrived in California
  • Right after my divorce in Texas
• And I didn’t yet have anything in my life that gave me purpose
• So I did what I always did – what I did before, in Texas, and what I assumed everyone does
  • I filled my weekends with dinner and drink invitations
  • On Friday’s I looked for happy hour opportunities
  • I researched trendy restaurants and tried to get reservations for Saturday night dinners or Sunday brunches
  • When I didn’t have plans, I read or watched movies on Netflix with a pint of ice cream or a glass of wine
• There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these activities – but they always felt empty to me
  • Except reading – I love reading
• It has been probably 2 years that I cancelled Netflix
• I don’t really know how to operate my remote control anymore
• I threw away most of the wine bottles that were in my shelf in my living room because my apartment gets really hot in the summers and I knew they probably turned to vinegar
• Dinners out are rare
• I have probably eaten more often at the Mobil Station outside of Yosemite National Park in the last 3 months than here in the bay area
• Ice cream is rare to – usually I treat myself only after a day of climbing, if I have access to it
• But, I am having more fun than ever before
• I wont lie – it took me some time
• There was a transition period where I sat at home on weekends working on podcast episodes and wishing someone would call and invite me for dinner
• But not anymore
• And I realized, that when we find our passion, a purpose, a mission that consumes us, keeps us busy, locked up, at times isolated, while others are out there having fun
• I realized – that we can also have fun
• Pursuing our dreams may mean hard work, but it doesn’t exclude fun
• However, I noticed some changes in the kind of fun I have I have
• In fact, I see my kind of fun evolving in 3 stages
• And I want to share those with you
• Because as you go after your goals, it can feel lonely at times
• Your friends are texting from the bar asking where you are while you sit at the office or at home – working
• I want you to know that you can still have fun
• But that the kind of fun you will experience may change
• And this is exactly what you should look forward to:

1. Your expectations for fun will change
   • The little time you have left for fun – you want to spend it doing quality things
   • With key people
   • In special places
   • And as you are having to decide between 5 different dinner invitations, you begin to discern more carefully between them
   • Before you randomly filled your free evenings
   • Now your time is limited and you begin to realize who and what matters most to you
     • There are the gatherings with people that talk about random things but never ask the deep questions
     • There are the Happy hours that always ends up with you hungover the next day
     • There are the hours you spent hanging out with people, online or in person, that don’t add any real value to your life
   • Those kinds of fun suddenly don’t look so fun anymore
   • You expectations for fun are changing
   • You worked hard all week and for the past 2 weekends
   • You want to talk with someone about your work
     • Maybe there is a challenge or obstacle you are trying to figure out
     • Maybe you have ideas you want to bounce of someone
     • Maybe you need someone to proof-read something
     • Maybe you just want to enjoy a quiet walk on the beach
   • Your criteria for fun will change
   • You are now looking to spend time with the people that, in some form, support what you are doing
     • Maybe because they ask tougher question
     • Maybe because they have many years of wisdom and experience
     • Maybe because they have connections you don’t yet have
     • And maybe because hanging out with them doesn’t make you feel empty, rather it adds to you motivation and drive
   • And even though you didn’t hit the bars and clubs and the fancy beach destinations
   • Instead you sat in a stuffy coffee shop all day or someone’s house all Saturday evening
   • But you come out feeling energized, fulfilled, ready to tackle more of what you are already doing
   • You are reaching the second level of fun

2. Your fun will become purposeful
   • You may still feel a twinge watching the people sitting on candle-lit tables in nice restaurants as you walk by on the way home from someone’s house
   • But it begins to dawn on you that your time was probably better spent this way
   • You are in bed by 10 on a Saturday night, but up by 6am
   • You go for a morning run instead of brunch
   • And by 8am you are ready to take on more of your goals
   • Your definition of fun changes as you find yourself seeking out challenges that help you grow
     • For me they are my meetings with mastermind – people that are experts in their field and that help me grow
     • But its also mountain climbing for me
     • Working out in the gym
     • Learning to meditate
     • Or a quiet evening at home writing in my journal
   • These activities are my new fun because they help me become better
   • And being better is my objective
   • And yes, those activities may seem like more work,
     • Initially they did
     • They were another to-do in my agenda
   • But as I walk away from them
   • Filled with ideas, inspiration and motivation
   • I realized
   • they feel like fun
   • they feel like I imagine real fun feel
   • not empty
   • but full
   • because now I am not dragging myself back to work on a Monday
   • instead I cant wait to get the next day started because I am filled with new ideas and inspiration
   • slowly, you don’t miss your empty fun anymore
   • there is no single TV show I miss because I am creating my own TV show
   • and without noticing, you reach the 3^rd level

3. when fun and purpose will become one

• when your non-working and working activities merge and you enjoy both to the max
• I am not there yet but its my goal to get there
• Where everything I do feeds into my purpose
• And where work is not work anymore, but fun
• Where I fell fulfilled in everything I do
• And where everything in my life is connected to my purpose
•  
• I notice this is beginning to happen in my life
• A few weeks ago, for example, I hosted my rehearsal speech and I invited all the people in my life that I knew where to some degree part of my speaking journey
  • Friends from Toastmasters
  • My rehearsal group team
  • My podcast mastermind crew
  • And people from my meetup dinner group
• Suddenly I connected not just people, but activities that where separate for me prior
• They are now one
• The people connected with each other
• And as In opened myself up more to these people though my speech, I am taking them along further in my journey
• Last night I met with a few folks from the meetup group and we had the deepest conversation we have ever had
• Why?
• Because they now know more about me and they shared more about themselves
• I walked away from the dinner feeling that these people are not just 1x/month dinner connections – they have become friends
  • One lady brought me material from speaking workshops she had taken in the past to help me with my journey
  • As a group we talked about my childhood growing up and others shared about theirs
• It was a wonderful evening and I realized how something that starts as a small, isolated activity, can grow into so much more,
• Even my climbing partner has been touched by my QFY life
  • I have rehearsed my speech with him in the car
• And climbing and being away for a day or 2 helps me show up better in this world

• When you begin to choose your fun more carefully
• When you let go of empty fun
• Fun that impedes your growth
• Fun that holds you back from your goals
• And instead seek fun that helps you become a better person
  • Physically,
  • Mentally
  • Emotionally
• Eventually, this fun will leak over into your non-fun life
• It will fuel your goals, your work, your responsibilities
• Fun and purpose will become one
•  
• Here is another example from my life on how my fun changed:
• I used to drink wine every time someone opened a bottle
• Didn’t matter where I was or whether I enjoyed myself
• Wine itself was the fun so I drank it
• Oftentimes I opened bottles for myself at home because I wanted fun with wine
  • I enjoy the taste of wine
  • But I also sought out the feeling wine gives me
• two things changed:
• I am rarely around people anymore that open wine for me
  • We get together to work on something
  • To brainstorm
  • To help each other
  • There is no wine needed
  • At home I don’t open wine anymore for myself because I have podcast episodes to write, which is more fun to me now
• And also
  • Wine by itself is not fun for me anymore
  • It can accompany fun, if I feel like it
  • But its not defining my fun
  • Last night, with dinner, I had a glass and savored it
  • But my focus was on the conversation with the people
• When I am not spending quality time – I don’t look for wine, or any other mindless fun, to come rescue me
• I simply walk away

And I encourage you to do the same

When the fun in your life leaves you empty – go home or walk away from it.

Don’t ever feel obligated to engage in fun that may be fun for others, but that you cannot have fun with

Find the fun that may appear boring to others, but that lifts you up

The fun that doesn’t make it into a IG story

But that leaves a story in your mind

And that takes you a step further with your challenges, your fears, hour dreams

Remember – You define your own fun

Not IG, not your friends, not anyone else

You decide

Fun to me equals fulfillment

Insights

Ideas

Motivation

Laughter

Happiness

When you feel this – you found your fun.

Do more of that.

Much love