Episode 526 – The worst case scenario

• Welcome back QFY friends to another episode of QFY
• I hope you are well
• This year it is my goal is to reach more people with my podcast and I am seeking your help
• Everyone I meet who has listened to this podcast tells me how much they enjoy it
• so I want to ask you:
• if you enjoy listening as well, then please share my podcast with a friend
• we all can use a little bit of motivation and inspiration

Lets get to today’s episode,

• I want to share something with you today that I have continuously worked on for the last few years
• Sometimes I fail, sometimes I succeed
• I wouldn’t yet all it a strategy, even though there is one similar to it out there that I will go over
• I was reminded of it as I recorded my previous episode where I touched on expectations
• I consider expectations our doom
• They drive how we feel, think and act
• When we don’t get what we hoped for, we think differently, we feel differently, and we behave differently,
• But what can we do?
• We can’t turn off our hopes
• We want certain outcomes, that’s why we engage in specific activities
• Anticipation also brings joy and excitement – so how can it be wrong?
• The problem starts when we get disappointed
  • Which usually happens wehen our expectations are not met
•  
• You see
• I used to live completely at the mercy of my outer world
• When things went well
  • People responded the way I desired
  • Events played out in my favor
  • And everything worked smoothly the way it should
• I was happy
• But as soon something went sideways, I would fall apart
• And the less control I had over the situation, the worse my falling apart was
  • My life would be on hold
  • I couldn’t focus on anything
  • I thought the world had come to an end
• and even when things went well, I was always on the lookout and worried about what could happen
• Today I don’t live like this anymore
• At least not 100%
• There are still events that throw me off course
  • And that’s when I have to reign myself in
• But I have become better
• My heart still beats faster and Adrenaline shoots through my veins when something that I am really looking forward to is suddenly at the verge of falling apart
• I had a friend recently change plans on a trip last minute
• Everything was already agreed on and he out of the blue changed things around
• In the past, I would have responded with my emotions, which were running wild
  • In my case, a million text messages
  • Asking, begging, guilt-tripping, whatever technique I could think of under an adrenaline high
  • My energy would be drained and I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else
• The way I responded however was this:
  • First off – no response
  • I put the phone down and I took a deep breath
  • Then I created some distance and began evaluating my options
  • There were a few
  • But here is something I tend to do these days:
  • I look at the worst option first
  • The worst case is usually that the event doesn’t take place
    • I don’t go on the trip
  • And I come to grips with whatever that worst option is
  • In this case, it would have meant some loss of money but not much else
    • BTW – I find that’s quite often the worse case in many of our daily dilemmas – they hold us so tightly wrapped up, causing all sorts of emotional havoc,
    • but when we really take them under the magnifiying glass, they are not so bad – our life is not at stake
    • Quite often its just some money and maybe a bit of loss of face, both of which doesn’t kill us
  • For me – it would have simply meant – no trip
  • Maybe a strained relationship with my friend
    • Yeah there was some money but oh well
    • Then sure, I really wanted to go, but I have other things I can do
    • Not major either
  • Once I come to terms with the worst case, I then work my way up from there
    • I look for options in the middle
    • They can only be better than worst case
    • Maybe inconvenient
    • Maybe with a few more complications and extra effort required
    • But doable
  • Keep in mind – I am already feeling better
  • I have put my adrenaline to work
  • I am not a victim to it
  • I am not allowing it to take it out on the other person no matter how wrong they are
  • I found a way to protect myself, my relationship with the other person, my energy and my time by directing it towards solving the problem
• And now I was free
• I was free to deal with whatever decision would be made
• I responded in a reasoned manner and then waited
• Previously, the waiting would drive me nuts
• Would cause more irrational behaviors
• And made everything only worse
• Now the waiting is peaceful, knowing that I can deal with whatever the final decision would be
•  
• This is how I cope with situations that spin out of control, unforeseen circumstances, unmet expectations
• At least I try
• I already know, when my heart begins to pound then I am emotionally tied to a certain outcome
• And this is the moment I have to catch myself
• Take a deep breath
• And remove myself for a little while
• Time to think
• No texting, no talking to anyone, just being with myself
• And then evaluating my options

“Accept — then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.”
― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

• This is my strategy
• Now, if I wanted to perfect it, which hopefully one day I will be able to, I would make use of the ancient Stoic concept that has gained popularity again
• Its called Negative visualization
•  

Epictetus describes the practice in this way:

When you are going to perform an act, remind yourself what kind of things the act may involve. When going to the swimming pool, reflect on what may happen at the pool: some will splash the water, some will push against one another, others will abuse one another, and others will steal. Thusly you have mentally prepared yourself to undertake the act, and you can say to yourself: I now intend to bathe, and am prepared to maintain my will in a virtuous manner, having warned myself of what may occur.

Do this for every act, so that if any hindrance does emerge, you can think: I did not prepare myself only to undertake the act, but also for this hindrance that has occurred, and also to handle this hindrance virtuously & keep my will conformed to nature — and this will be impossible if I become vexed.

• The difference to what I am currently doing is that negative visualization occurs prior to the event
• In the case of my trip, I would consider the worst case scenario before signing up and paying the fee
• In my mind, I would go over everything that could go wrong and only then, when I am at peace with those possible outcomes, do I go ahead
• Sounds time-consuming and energy-spending but
• Let me tell you – I think this is quite beneficial
• Some people think its brings to much doom and gloom
• But I believe it prepares me up front for what could go wrong
• It also is like a last check to see how badly I want this, after thinking through some of the potential consequences
• I think we do this already when we are not certain about something
• We weigh all the options, the possible outcomes, and then decide
•  
• I also think we do this when we have been through negative experiences before that occurred in similar situations,
• This is when negative visualization comes more natural
• We have been through this, so we know what to expect
• And therefore we are already somewhat prepared for possible outcomes, especially negative ones
• The first few times when I went climbing this summer with my then new climbing partner, I was always a little disturbed when he walked ahead of me for hours, without speaking to me
  • I took it personal
  • I thought maybe I am to slow, or to boring to be around with
• But now I know, that what he does
• I have hiked with him with other people and it’s the same think – he wants to lead
• So now I know
• I even take that alone time into consideration
• When I had my speech in December, I took that with me on a hike we had planned and practiced it while I walked in solitude
•  
• But I find this exercise of visualizing the worst case best for situations we go into for the first time
• Not every situation, but those that tend to send us into an emotional tailspin
• Those we are attached to, like
  • A first in-person date with a person we really started to like from chatting online with them
  • A job we feel we have secured after several rounds of interviews
  • A trip with people we really look forward to
• Yes, these are usually exciting events that we are all fired up about
• But those are also the ones that can really derail us
•  
• in the business world – this practice is called a pre-mortem, but the idea is the same.
• When we prepare for the worst, we are in a better place to deal with disaster if and when it does arise.
•  
• This practice is also useful without anticipation of a major event
• Sometimes its helpful to imagine if the worst were to happen
• I think this would help us be more prepared in all aspects of life
•  
• William Irvine writes about this in his book – A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
•  
• “By contemplating the impermanence of everything in the world, we are forced to recognize that every time we do something could be the last time we do it, and this recognition can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent . We will no longer sleepwalk through our life. Some people, I realize, will find it depressing or even morbid to contemplate impermanence. I am nevertheless convinced that the only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain such thoughts.”
•  

• I cannot agree more
• Most of the things we worry about and get emotional over matter very little in the grand scheme of things
• I invite you today to not be afraid of the plans that don’t work out
• Take some time once in a while to meditate on scary things, not in order to depress yourself, but to build a sense of resilience and adaptability.
• And then,
• When surprise hits, plans fall through, or the unexpected occurs, you will be able to get up quicker than the people around you
• Because you are prepared

Give it a try

Much love