Episode 582 – Finding Focus again

• Welcome to Quest For You
  • I am grateful you are here
  • I created this podcast to help you connect more with yourself
  • I have found that a life lived according to what everyone else says I should do is a limited life
  • Only when I began to get in touch with myself – the Quest for ME – is when I discovered a more authentic life
  • And my wish is that by listening to me you will start to listen more to yourself
• Hi my friends
• How are you?
• I hope you had a chance to listen to my interview with Amana Harris
• Her dedication to her work is so admirable and she inspired me to dedicate myself to my work again
• QFY
• My mission to help people discover who they are
• Not who they think they are
• Not who they show to the world
• But who they really are
• And this is a life long journey
• I am discovering more of who I am every time I take the time to reflect
• Something I have done more frequently since the middle of March when life changed for everyone
• And the reflection and introspection continues
• And today I want to share one of those reflections with you
• Not because I am eager to share about me
  • Not at all,
  • In fact that is the most vulnerable aspect about this podcast
• But I know sharing my personal journey will help you relate better to me
• And I do so because I want to help you reach your highest potential
• You see – if we think the same thoughts every day
  • If we hold strongly to the same believes and principles all the time
• We never change
• Core values are important, don’t get me wrong
• But just because we have them doesn’t mean our behaviors are always appropriate
• Reflecting on our actions is critical if we want to grow
• Reflecting doesn’t mean doubting every move we make
• But when we sense tension, misunderstandings, or even feel pain due to our engagements with others, we need to take the time to reflect
• Reflecting means analyzing, asking questions, trying to understand our motives
  • Why did we react this way?
  • Why are we feeling so sad, angry, or afraid?
• I have been feeling what I would call slightly off lately, but mostly on Mondays
• I started climbing a few weeks ago because my climbing mentor is in town
• He is the person that taught me a lot of what I know about climbing and I feel safe climbing with him, especially now during this COVID crisis where many climbers remain at home
• We now have been climbing consistently for several weekends and I am happy to be back in nature on the weekends
• But every Monday, after a weekend of climbing, I feel somewhat down and very directionless
  • I would attribute it to physical exhaustion from the often long and strenuous days
  • I would blame it on the drastic change from nature and almost complete solitude back to city life, which especially in this moment of time is a very loud and unnerving
• And while both of these facts play a role in my disorientation, I didn’t think this was all there is to it
• So I reflected
• And I came to the conclusion that it has to do with focus
• You see
• When I am out climbing or hiking – there is very little distraction
• Its nature, my partner and I, are concentrated on one objective at a time
  • Whether we are hiking to the base of the mountain, trying to find the way
  • Or we are searching for the climbing route
  • Or we are concentrate while climbing
  • Or we make a simple dinner at night in the van or by the tent
• Its usually one task at a time
  • One step at a time
  • One move,
  • One sunset to enjoy
  • One conversation at a time about the day
• And nothing else is even on my mind the entire time
• Sure, I may think about people, about interactions, things I want to do
• But there isn’t anything imminent on my mind that I feel I should also be doing
• Yet when I return home, there are so many things that hit me all at once
• I sit down at my desk to work on Monday morning and either get up a million times to do this or that or I write myself notes of what I need to do
• And this creates a sense of overwhelm and as a result I feel unmotivated to do anything
• Its to much
• My work, my to-dos, my responsibilities, the projects I want to work on,
• And then everything else, also affecting and distracting me
  • COVID
  • The status of our economy
  • Our social problems
  • Never-ending Fireworks every night
  • And a general uncertainty about what will happen to this world
• all of it weighs so heavy on me and I now know that the problem is lack of focus
• I don’t know what to focus on
• Everything wants my attention
• Everything screams at me – here, me me -think about me, do something about me
• In nature things are simple
• The to-dos straight forward
• My mind is present for the task at hand
• Nothing else matters
• I am clear on the objective every step of the way
• But at home, I am lost
• I wander back and forth from my desk to various places in my apartment
  • While listening in on a meeting for work, I check the laundry, then fold laundry, change sheets, clean a little, text a friend and so on
  • While working on a report, I get up 20 times to make tea, refill tea, do some dishes, make some food, make more tea
• I may plan to work on a podcast episode in the evening but then I sit here, listening to fireworks, reading depressing news, and all I want to do is lay on my bed and play solitaire
• I am easily distracted because I am not focused
• This has been my problem since March 16 when we sheltered and I hear the same concern form my friends
• Before that – I had a schedule, a routine that was driven by the places I frequented
  • Work, the gym, the store, coffee shops, friends houses, etc
• Time at home was precious and I used it very deliberately
• Now I am always home
  • Work is at home
  • The gym is at home
  • The coffee shop is at home
  • And getting together wit friends happens at home as well

• I have lost a sense of direction and this became clear to me because I started climbing again
• everything that happens during climbing is purposeful, with intention and has a single focus
• at home I have to many conflicting purposes and I struggle focusing
• this clarity was a little disturbing because lets be honest –
• there isn’t much I can do about the current situation
• however, clarity about the problem also brings with it the possibility of a solution
• if focus is the problem, the focus is the solution
• What can I learn from my weekend outings that I can apply to my weeks so they don’t drag me down anymore?
• Here is what I came up with:
• In order to focus, I need to remove distraction
• I need to limit, or completely remove those things from my line of sight that keep me from focusing
• This is easier said than done, especially with the complexities of life at the moment
• But then again, I think life right now is not necessarily more complex
  • Its just different
  • Its not something we are used
  • And there is a lot of change all at once
• We need to acknowledge that and then we need to start small
• Focus is only possible when there is little to focus on
• When there is to much going on, focus isn’t likely to happen
• So let me share with you just a few things I have done that help me focus more
• Undeniably – there is a lot going on that requires our attention
• So I have looked at most of that and decided to focus on one thing within each category only
• For example
• The virus
  • Its covered all over the news – online, on television, radio, podcasts TV
  • We can lose hours just trying to keep up
  • I have decided to not keep up anymore
  • My roommate is a physician and he keeps up with news all day long
  • In the evening we usually cross paths in the kitchen and he often will share the latest research with me
  • This is enough for
  • It may not be for you, and you need to decide what gets your attention
  • But this is an area where I decided I will simply follow the guidelines but I will not try to keep up with data and research anymore
  • I may read my daily news briefing that lands in my inbox, but that’s about it
• Society and the topic of racism
  • Here, and I have shared this with you, I openly admit my ignorance
  • I have decided to listen and learn
  • And at first I was all over the place here too
  • Trying to order books from the library reading endless articles online and so on
  • I finally decided that I will combine my listening goal with my podcast and interview people that know more than me and that set an example for me and my listeners
  • Amana Harris was such a person and I have more in the works
• This then provided focus for me with my podcast, which I also have been struggling with
• I have not been able to publish my 3 episodes per week, but the interviews with inspiring people give me motivation to concentrate on my podcast again
• And that’s all I am trying to do for now when it comes to personal projects
• The interview also are my way of trying to help others – which is important to me
• But aside from that –
• I had a huge list of things I wanted to do
  • I enrolled in online courses
  • I subscribed to certain media feeds
  • I piled up books
• but decided not to even worry about it and just focus on my podcast for now
• I think a lot of times we are very hard on ourselves
• We want to accomplish
• We want to contribute and add value
• At the end of the day we want to say we did everything we set out to do
• But when we are hit with change, I think its unreasonable to expect that we can do what we used to do
• So I want to encourage all of you today –
• Find your focus in one or things that matter most to you
  • Is painting making you happy
  • Are you getting most of your insights from journaling
  • Is gardening getting you grounded?
• Then do that one thing
• The chores, the responsibilities, they will get done somehow
• I clean my place a little at a time
• I do one load of laundry here and there
• I don’t always cook dinner – sometimes I don’t have the strengths so I eat crackers
• Its ok
• We do what we can
• We take one step, and then another
• But lets take them deliberately, even if they are short, and don’t last long
• Lets be present with our steps
• Lets find our focus again, one task at a time

Much love