Episode 595 –  Choose yourself

• With the arrival of this pandemic, I have noticed that we increasingly give away the power over our most critical decision to others
• What we eat, how we feel, what we get done and so much more
• Now more than ever, its important we stay connected with ourselves

• Welcome QFY fans
• I beginning to see people writing off this year on social media
  • Have you seen it too?
• Even a local news summary I get in my inbox arrived with the subject line Ugh, just go away already, 2020 recently
• Its kinda tempting to jump on that train isn’t it?
• I mean this year killed a lot of dreams for people
• And it isn’t over yet
• In March and April – we all still had our hopes up high that this would be a temporary discomfort that would be over soon
  • I remember seeing lots of sidewalk chalk being to motivate the passersby like me – we shall overcome, we will get through this, stay positive
  • Haven’t seen much of it lately
  • Maybe Amazon ran out of chalk, who knows
• Now, August is almost over
  • California has been battered by wildfires
  • Louisiana by a hurricane
  • The killings don’t end and with them people somehow feel entitled to riot and loot
  • Being a policewoman is the one job I envy the least at the moment, in fact I feel for those people
• So, here we are
• With nothing much to look forward to – its easy to just wish it all away
• But I refuse to join that movement
• And I want you to refuse it as well
• Here is why:
• Not only do we have 5 months left in the year
• But I also know that the last 5 months were not wasted
  • I have had many difficult days
  • I still have them and I have shared many of my struggles with you
  • I have over come many of them, for example my inability to get out of bed in the morning
    • In fact today I wanted to sleep in,
    • Had not even planned on doing yoga
    • But I was wide awake at 5.30 so I got up and did yoga
  • But overcoming one challenge still leaves many others that haven’t gone away
  • Plus, sometimes new ones creep in
• And with all these challenges that come, sometimes go, and sometimes linger – I learn more about myself
• And you have as well
• Even if you feel stuck, helpless, angry, anxious, stressed like I am often– there are learnings in those feelings, in the thoughts associated with these feelings, and in the resulting actions
• And one of those learning moments I had is the topic for todays episode
• Choose yourself
• What does this mean? To choose ourselves?
• I can tell you what it doesn’t mean
• Joining into the hype of calling this a bad year and wishing for it to go away
  • This means we are pushing of any form of responsibility away from us
• And while I didn’t do this intentionally, I notice moments when I feel like a victim
  • Moments when I ask – why did this virus have to happen in my life time?
  • Or when point fingers at the government or others – blaming them for my circumstances
  • Or when I waste away another afternoon just randomly surfing the web, eating whatever snacks I can find and calling it a lost day
• In moments like these – I don’t choose myself
• I allow my environment to choose for me
• In one word – not choosing ourselves is saying NO
  • No – whatever is happening is not what I want, need or deserve
  • No – whatever is happening is not working for me and I can’t deal with it
  • No – I don’t see a way out
• We don’t choose ourselves every time we allow the outside to hold us back from living our best life
  • When we allow others to repeatedly hurt us
  • When we give the weather, the lost package, the traffic power our mood
  • When we allow food, the pandemic, the text message to make us feel bad
• I have a friend who asked me the other day for some feedback
  • She had mentioned a project she wanted to start month ago
  • And the question was related to that
  • But she still had not started the project
  • Turns out some people had told her that it wasn’t a good idea
  • Yet she still really wanted to do this project
• It’s a perfect example for not choosing yourself
  • And instead choosing the opinions of others – allow them to hold you back
• Now there are times when the advise of others is beneficial
  • Like, when we are about to do something silly
  • Or when it offers us knowledge that we just don’t have
• I am speaking about the many times that we listen to others and give them more weight than our own heart, and in turn we don’t do what we really want to do
• The smoky air may not allow a lot of outdoor activity
  • But an indoor workout can still be feasible
• We need to become more conscious when we allow others to choose for us
• We also don’t choose ourselves when cannot accept what is
  • This is where I am a lot lately
  • I am unhappy lately with certain circumstances in my life
  • And this unhappiness keeps me stuck
  • Lots of people struggle with food, especially now during COVID
  • Eating delicious foods gives us a sense of comfort
  • And who doesn’t need that right now, with all the bad news
    • I used to rarely eat bread, only on special occasions, for a long weekend sometimes, I would pick up one of those sunflower loafs that I really like
    • It just doesn’t make me feel good
    • But since working from home, I now also eat more at home, and bread has crept into my kitchen again
    • And I kept buying it week after week
    • I just accepted that afternoon sluggishness as part of the pandemic
  • I didn’t choose myself
  • Bread choose me
  • Because I cannot accept what is, I am in a permanent place of stuckness
  • A holding pattern so to speak
  • And its is there that I resist and therefore also loose myself
• so if we flip it around –
• Choosing yourself is saying yes
• It’s a yes, AND
  • Yes – these are my new circumstances, however difficult they may be, but I will work with them
  • I will not give up and give in to bread, or my ex again, or to endless television, or to hours on social media
  • I will choose me
    • My first breakfast without bread, and back to what I normally eat – let me tell you – I didn’t need a nap that day
    • I had energy
    • I worked out every night of this week
    • What a major change
    • And its stuff I know
    • That’s why I don’t eat bread
    • But yet, I forgot
    • I excused it because of the circumstances
    • I didn’t take ownership
  • It’s a simple example but we do it all the time
    • And especially when this pandemic disrupted our normal life
    • At the mercy of an invisible virus – we gave up power
    • Just because we are now required to stay inside as much possible, and wear a mask outside, and because we cannot do certain things like we used to – we don’t need to give up completely on ourselves
  • I walk thru my neighborhood every day
    • I have never seen so many painters, roofers, carpenters and gardeners working busily on people’s homes
    • Sidewalks are filled every day with stuff people are getting rid off
  • People are saying yes –
    • Yes – and
      • What can I do with this extra time at home?
      • How can I improve my life?
      • How can I focus on the small things that make me happy?
    • I sanded and stained the wood tiles on my front balcony the other Sunday together with a friend
    • I can tell you – I haven’t felt as accomplished in a long time
    • And now, every time I look at that beautiful floor – I feel happy
    • The small things matter
    • But unless we accept the big issues, we cannot see the small possibilities that open up all around us
  • Choosing yourself is finding a way
    • Even when its hard
    • Even when everyone says it wont work
    • Even when we don’t feel like it
  • We all have the ability to find a way
  • But we have to choose to
    • As I said to my friend – when something keeps bugging you – go after it
    • If there is something that doesn’t make you happy – address it
      • If you aren’t happy with your lack of exercise, find a way to exercise
      • That is what Choosing yourself means
    • When I was tired of being tired, I spent some time reflecting on my food choices and I immediately realized what I needed to change
  • Choose yourself
  • Against all the odds, my friend
  • I know that life is hard for many of us right now
  • But when you choose yourself – you don’t let that hold you back
  • Choosing yourself is accepting what is
  • Because otherwise we cannot move forward
  • I have the hardest time with weekends where I am unable to climb
  • Climbing skills take lots of practice and I really want to practice them
  • But it just hasn’t worked out lately
  • And guess what?
  • I can’t accept it
  • And when we cannot accept something, we are in a resistance mode
  • Stuck
  • And from there its very hard to move forward
  • We lack ideas because our energy is being spent on worrying, fretting, upsetting over the thing we cannot accept
    • When I spent the weekend pining over the fact that I cant climb, I don’t enjoy myself – first of all
    • I waste my time in useless endeavors – doing nothing of value
    • But when I accept it as is – suddenly I relax
      • I find myself on the couch getting lost in that novel I have been wanting to read
      • Or I remember a friend I haven’t seen in a while and we meet for a walk
    • When we accept our circumstances, we can move forward
    • Accepting doesn’t mean we succumb to everything blindly
    • Accepting is a simple YES
    • Yes to what is here
    • And the YES is followed by an AND
    • Whats next
    • Now we can analyze the situation
    • We can make choices that are better for us
    • That honor who we are
    • Even when we don’t know what is next
    • We can be ready
  • This applies to so many areas of our life
    • Our body
    • Our relationship status
    • Our jobs,
  • Every time I come to peace with a situation – something opens up
  • A relaxed brain is a more creative brain
  • So please,
  • When you find yourself mired in a difficult situation, in worry, in doubts and uncertainty
  • Begin with yourself by choosing yourself
  • Don’t let others choose for you
  • You decide

Much love