Episode 598 – The moments bigger than us

• When life seems to overbearing, heavy, unmanageable
• When the moments are bigger than us
• When we feel helpless in the face of those moments
• Or weighted down
• Confused, lost
• Then the tendency is to do more, get more done, participate, enroll, sign up
• But the best thing may be to just bow our head in awe of those moments
• Turn inward and reflect
• And examine ourselves, instead of the world

• Welcome back to QFY
• I just read that 1 in 40 Californians has Coronavirus
• Numbers are on the rise again and with it the reality about the uncertainty that has never really left the scene becomes prominent again
• While the new normal is not new anymore, at least not here in the city, its so easy to forget the bigger issue
• I told you back in March when COVID started that my biggest worry, aside from our health of course, is the economy
• That worry has largely not materialized because thanks to stimulus packages and a society that is eager to spend and consume, we are humming along
• Most people and businesses I know or follow have found a workaround
• I drive through my streets here in Oakland and I see the majority of the stores I know still in place
• Very few have shut down – something I was very worried about
  • I imagined entire street blocks empty and with boarded up windows
• But – that doesn’t mean the ones that are still here are doing well
• And with winter knocking on our doors,
  • We had our first rain here in the bay area this week
• Lonely Holidays approaching
• And COVID cases on the rise
• Worries and concerns take up more space in my thoughts again

• This moment in time
  • This entire year 2020 composed of one challenging moment after another,
  • Some real, many imagined
• This moment feels bigger than me
• We never had control
• This pandemic has demonstrated that our plans and goals matter very little when our lives are suddenly at stake
• But now, when I reflect on the past 8 months –
• The days when I know my direction
  • When I feel motivated and inspired
  • Filled with energy and ideas
  • When I am ready to push forward
• Those days are rare
• Sometimes its just for a couple of hours
• After my yoga practice or a good workout on my patio
• Or after an inspirational podcast episode that I listened to on my daily walks
• But More often than not I feel Overwhelmed
  • I feel fatigued
  • I feel directionless
• Where I used to just go go go from one thing to the next, I now often wander, only able to focus on one thing at a time, sometimes not even that
• I feel lost when I think about my future
• My future was never really predictable but I pretended it was
  • I set goals and I worked towards those goals and that seemed to make the future more certain
• Now I am not so sure about my goals anymore
• They have become much smaller
  • Often just a to-do for the next day
• But half the time these don’t get done
• Sometimes I am not sure if what I am going through is a result of the pandemic, or maybe some other issue that was there before and now just has had a chance to surface
• I mean
• Life is always bigger than us
• There are always daily moments that are overwhelming and that lie outside of our control
  • The friend who is upset
  • The parent who we wish would change
• But prior to the pandemic, those moments didn’t seem so big
• Now, everything is big
• And sometimes I sit here and I wonder how to deal with it all
• In my first episodes, years ago, I used to start out with a quote regularly
• I do so rarely these days but today I want to share a quote that I had saved up for some time
• Its by Author NR and he shared this on a podcast interview with Tim Ferriss:

Proper examination should ruin the life that you’re currently living. It should cause you to leave relationships. It should cause you to reestablish boundaries with family members and with colleagues. It should cause you to quit your job. . . . If it doesn’t do that, it’s not real examination. If it doesn’t come attached with destruction of your current life, then you can’t create the new life in which you will not have the anxiety.

— Naval Ravikant

• It’s a radical quote and that’s why I like it
• Something extreme, that I initially want to refuse because I don’t agree, often makes me go back again and again to think a bit more deeper about it
• And I know that this quote describes the recipe for those moments that are bigger than us
• Because when I sit here,
  • my breath shallow, my mind in worry-mode, my heart racing, unable to meditate or find stillness, tempted to blame someone, the world, or myself
• I know its time to turn inward
• In our last episode I talked about the 4 categories I see are part of this quest for us – this journey to our best self
• And the first step is reflection
  • Reflection, examination, contemplation
• Its something that, even in my busy pre-Covid days I managed to do
• I meditated, I spent time in nature, I wrote regularly, mostly podcast episodes which involved topics that required me to think and reflect
• Now my days are not nearly as busy with activities, and yet –
• I hardly find motivation to write anymore
• When I am in nature, I am not reflecting – I am trying to distract myself
• Meditation has become harder –
• I wake up every morning to a storm of thoughts that takes a hold of me – random stuff – and wont let go
• Those thoughts are so strong, so powerful, they keep me tied up, in my bed for another half an hour or more sometimes
  • Sometimes I worry about my future
  • Other times my thoughts wonder about people I don’t even know but may have read something about on social media
  • Or I get totally side-tracked thinking about a specific person who matters to me
• Instead of getting out of bed and starting my day
• And I realized – those thoughts are running wild because I let them
• But also because I don’t question them
• I don’t investigate where they are coming from
• I don’t zero in
• I have a good friend who lives around the corner, one street over
• He has a regular walking practice like I do
• Once in a blue moon we agree on a time and we meet and walk together
• But more often than that we just run into each other
• Sometimes on exactly those days when I need his company most
• Because we have wonderful conversations
• Which can also be a great way to reflect
• And because I don’t take time for deliberate reflection anymore, I often have some wonderful insights on these walks
• When I shared my lack of concentration dilemma with my friend, he said right away – its normal – you’re worried about the future
• I realized – he is right
• But it wasn’t clear to me
• This is what distinguishes reflection from just thinking random stuff
• Its deliberate
• When there are issues in our life that keep coming up
  • That consume our energy
  • Preoccupy or worry us
• Like what I am going through now
• I can continue to be unfocused, distracted, worried and nervous
• Or I can stop
• I can sit down and examine myself
• Instead of letting my thoughts run me from morning to night
• I can take them and analyze them
• Why is this issue bothering me?
• Why am I so worried
• These are questions I might ask myself
• As I described with my friend, reflection can be done with the right person
  • Someone who is not taking sides but who sees things objectively
• For me, reflection may begin with a good conversation
• But usually I then still need to sit down alone and reflect on my takeaways, on the next course of action
• Writing is a great way to sort our thoughts
• And sometimes its literally ding nothing
• Just sitting somewhere quiet, without any distractions
• And deliberately thinking through the issue at hand
• I recently did this on a long hike
• It was a Saturday and I had to work
• In fact it was the satruday that election results were announced
• And instead of joining friends for celebration, I went on a long afternoon hike
• The hills I hiked where recently burned by the wildfire and it was desolate, eerie almost
• I didn’t hear a single bird
• Heard barely any noises
• A perfect place to be alone with my thoughts
• And I worked through an issue that was on my mind
• But I know I need to do it more often
• And not just when a decision needs to be made
• But regularly taking time out for self-examination can, as the quote described, change our life
• Because we may finally realize not only what isn’t working, but also what we need to do to change the situation
• I know for certain –
• That when we do this regularly, we become more steadfast, more calm, more at ease
• And when those moments that are bigger than us surprise us, we can manage them in a better way
• Because we are grounded
• And this is exactly what I need
• I need more ground under my feet
• Need to feel more steady in my step
• Need to know that things will be ok
• And maybe you are in a similar situation
• Thanksgiving is next week, usually a time I don’t do much and make time for reflection
• And that’s what I will be doing this year as well
• And maybe you will too
• With COVID preventing large gatherings, maybe you are finding yourself alone this thanksgiving
• Don’t be afraid
• You always have yourself
• Take yourself on a good walk
• Get a journal out and take time to write
• Its good to be with ourselves from time to time

Enjoy it

Much love