I have a very conflicted relationship with mornings. I guess that’s true for everything that is at once a beginning and an end.

Waking up is like coming alive every day. I can’t say for sure where I was the 7 hours prior – most likely in my bed. But I could have been sleepwalking. Either way, it has always been somewhat incomprehensible to me that 1/3 of every day I am not conscious.  So much goes on in my mind all day, millions of thoughts spinning in my head – and within minutes I can turn the switch to Off like on a machine. Then, a few hours later, another little machine (mostly my phone) breathes life back into me: time to be alive and continue where you left off.

When evening arrives, I struggle to let go of the day. There is always one more thing to do, resulting in delaying bedtime just a few more minutes. Having to let go of the day I feel a sense of loss. Its over. Another day of my life completed. Subconsciously, something always nudges me – was this a well-lived day?

Then, strangely, when morning arrives, I don’t want to let go of the night, my dreams, my bed and everything that kept me so safe during this time. More sleep is all I long for. No matter what time the alarm sounds, its always too early.

If these aren’t enough conflicts already, guilt soon sets in. Hanging on to the night and getting up later than planned I feel behind before the day even started. I cut morning rituals short, mostly due to a frustration with myself. Its amazing how soothing the mind can be when it tells me to hit the snooze button 8 times – it will be ok, there is plenty of time. The same mind, later, like a deceiving friend, berates me for getting up to late.

I have found beauty in mornings that start early – earlier than everyone else’s morning, way earlier than my first To Do item. Getting up is not any easier on those mornings, but the small pain of yarning and shivering in the dark is quickly overcome by the realization of the magic. First, there is a sense of gratification and accomplishment for having done it.  Then, the competitive person in me feels better than the rest of the sleeping world because I am ahead of them. And lastly, an ease sets in, almost a relaxation, knowing there is plenty of time for everything I set out to do. And within time lies opportunity. The day ahead looks suddenly more promising, and less like a chore. My mood is positive, my energy focused, and my mind feels balanced and stable.

I want those kind mornings every day. The more I revel in the gratification of the early beginnings, the more room these feelings take up in my mind. The debates with the snoozer have abated almost completely. Slowly, it is becoming something I want to do, something I cannot live without. Like brushing teeth.

For me, early mornings set the tone for a magic day ahead.

Much love – Janine

“It was the hour in which objects lose the consistency of shadow that accompanies them during the night and gradually reacquire colors, but seem to cross meanwhile an uncertain limbo, faintly touched, just breathed on by light; the hour in which one is least certain of the world’s existence.”

Italo Calvino