I’ve been thinking about empathy a lot lately. Maybe it was triggered by a parking attendant and a Labcorp employee. I had to get some lab work done and, in my usual fashion, treated it as a nuisance—something to squeeze in before work. And as often happens when we rush through what “shouldn’t be” on our list in the first place, things only got worse.

I couldn’t find parking fast enough, circling the block three times until a friendly parking attendant pointed to an open spot I had somehow missed—probably three times. I was grateful, but it didn’t take the edge off. I hurried inside, only to be greeted by a self-check-in machine, which soured my mood even more. Then came the “best” part—waiting to be called.

When that finally happened, my face must have said it all. The employee didn’t even ask – he went straight to it and said, “Your day must not be going so well.” I felt caught, uncovered—and, most importantly, I became aware of myself. It was as if he held a mirror up to me that allowed me to see how I was showing up.

The part that bugs me about moments like this is that I do know. I can feel the tension, the hurry, the irritation rising in me—yet somehow I still let myself get away with it. It feels justified to act frustrated because I am frustrated. But it wasn’t until he reflected it back to me that something shifted.  He could have taken it personally, as many people do when met with someone in my state. Instead, he offered empathy.

By genuinely inquiring about me, he gave me a moment to see myself—and I felt ashamed. There was nothing tragic happening in my life that kept me from being kinder. I was simply caught in my own little world, unable to participate in the one around me.

“The small self is limited to the personality levels where your ego, intellect, and emotional struggles dominate, and the large self is ruled by the heart.”  I underlined this quote in this book I started reading because my empathy needs work. Instead of waiting for others to catch my “small self” in action, I have the opportunity to notice it myself by asking the following question (from the same book): “How can I come from my heart, not just my head?”  

Empathy is a lot of things, but for me – for now –  it’s learning to access my heart more often. As the employee demonstrated very clearly, it makes for a better world all around.

If there’s something you’re working through that needs space, clarity, or a thoughtful conversation, I’d love to walk alongside you. My current coaching special is still available through the end of the year, and it’s a beautiful (and very affordable) opportunity to sort through what’s on your mind and reconnect with what your heart knows.

Warmly,
Janine