On Friday, we’re journaling again. If you’re in the Bay Area, and can get out of work a little early on Friday,  I’d love for you to join us. I’ve written a lot in these letters about the magic of having a conversation with yourself on paper. This week, we’re pairing writing with another equally powerful tool: asking questions.

As a coach, I naturally ask a lot of questions, not just of clients. Answers like the following always leave me with a quiet ache:
– I’ve tried everything. Nothing works.
– Life didn’t pan out the way I had planned. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
– I can’t help it. This is the way things are. 

What I notice about these responses is how final they sound. I realize, after a long period of trying hard, it can feel easier to call things off. But people rarely get the sense of peace they expect.

When we decide that nothing will change, we quietly abdicate responsibility for our lives. And while that may simplify things in the short term, it rarely feels satisfying—because at our core, we want to influence and shape our own experience.

Running into obstacles doesn’t mean we’re done. I think it often means the opposite. It’s life saying: This is where things get interesting. This is where creativity is required. Are you up for the challenge?

One of the most effective ways to move yourself out of a funk and back into forward motion is to ask better questions.

Our brains are wired to solve problems. If something in your house breaks, I doubt you throw your hands up and say, “Well, I tried everything. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.” You figure out what’s wrong, you look for options, you ask for help, you fix it. You can apply the same capability to any area of your life.

Life doesn’t owe us outcomes. Just because something didn’t work out the way you hoped, just because you’ve tried many times, just because change feels hard, doesn’t mean you’re done. If you still care, there is another way forward. Quitting statements I listed earlier quietly invite us to sit on the couch, watch Netflix, and tune out.. And while that might bring short-term comfort, it also keeps life from moving into the direction of our desires.

If you want answers, you have to ask yourself better questions. Put that beautiful, powerful brain of yours to work—that’s what it’s designed to do. Instead of switching on the television, try switching on your brain – until it finds a way.

Here are a few questions worth trying:
– Why do I believe this?
– Why do I act this way?
– What is something I haven’t tried yet?
– How could I challenge myself more?
– What is one small thing I could do today that would move me closer?
– How might I figure this out?
– And the most powerful one of all: What if…?

I’d like to invite you to consider these powerful questions:
What if your problem is there for you—not against you—because you’re meant to figure it out?
What if it’s been placed in your life as a challenge, a task, an ingredient—one that helps you build resilience, strength, creativity, and a greater capacity for life?
Instead of letting it beat you down, how could you allow it to raise you?

You could begin your forward movement with any—or all—of the statements below, which I like much better than the ones I usually hear:
– Here we go. I’ve got this.
– Who better than me to figure this out? It’s my life.
– I can handle hard things.
– I have my own back.
– I’m willing to try, even if I fail.

Giving up is an option. Just make sure you take full responsibility for that choice. Name it clearly—for example: I’m choosing not to try anymore. Give up because you want to, not because you’re hoping someone else will fix it or circumstances will change. Then put the problem to rest and don’t look back.

But if you notice that giving up doesn’t bring peace, you might just be stuck. Begin again—by asking better, different, more powerful questions—and see where your creativity takes you.

Warmly,
Janine