Last week a friend showed up to our hike wearing a sweater with RESIST printed across the chest in big bold letters. To be honest — that word makes me shudder a little. It does every time I see it, and I see it a lot around Oakland. Signs in windows, emails from friends inviting me to events, online posts. A clenched fist. One word. RESIST.

When I asked my friend about his sweater, he lit up talking about the community he’s building, the conversations he’s sparking, the actions he’s taking. Resistance wasn’t really the point. Connection was. Change was. I heard words like listening, encouragement, and togetherness.  And I would bet that most people openly announcing resistance are not actually trying to dig in and fight. They’re trying to come together, to open things up, to move toward something better.

The reason that word makes me cringe is because I know resistance from the inside.

When I resist something in my life — an emotion I don’t want to feel, a reality that just isn’t going the way I wanted — I tighten. I clench. I start figuring out clever ways to control or maneuver around it. And the tighter I hold to my truth, the worse I feel. Anxious. Frustrated. Helpless. Not exactly the energy that leads to good decisions or meaningful change.

Remembering Byron Katie’s quote wakes me up each time: “When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.” Do I really want to keep fighting to make the world be the way I think it should be? At some point, I always arrive at an exhausted “no”.

And so the question is: How can we meet reality without bracing?

Relaxing may sound passive—even naive—but it’s actually what allows me to respond instead of react. When a situation isn’t to my liking—when people, places, and circumstances don’t behave the way I want them to—resisting just makes it worse. I build stories, assign meaning to things that are neutral, and spiral into judgment. Relaxing does the opposite. It helps me see what’s really there, get in touch with my feelings, and stay open—even when it’s hard. It doesn’t mean I agree with the situation. It simply acknowledges that it’s here, whether I like it or not.

When I’m not tense, defensive, or in opposition with life, I stop fighting what’s in front of me. I’m more grounded, more present, and able to take a clear next step instead of a forced one. That’s the energy I saw in my friend—not clenched or combative, but open, steady, and deliberate.

Maybe the real invitation isn’t to resist—but to relax, stay open, and act from there.

If you had to choose a word instead of RESIST—what would it be?

Writing is a way to sit with the deeper questions that don’t have obvious answers. Slowing down, noticing what’s there, and putting it on paper can create space between what’s happening and how we meet it.
Laura and I are hosting our next journaling workshop on May 6^th and we would love to see you there. More detail can be found here:
https://questforyou.com/writing/heart-on-paper/

Warmly,
Janine