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Episode 438 – Letting go of old beliefs

• Welcome back my lovely listeners
• It’s a week of elephants
• Yesterday we talked about a sufi quote that speaks to the elephant in the room
  • the obvious problem everyone is trying to ignore
  • and how often, we invite the problem ourselves
• as it sometimes happens when I research topics for my episodes – I stumble upon more than just one topic
• this time I came across quotes and anecdotes referencing elephants, so I thought – why not
• let talk about elephants this week
• elephants are majestic creatures and they hold significant meaning in many cultures
• if you have travelled or even just ventured out into your neighborhoods to explore small ethnic stores, you have seen elephant symbols displayed on everything from clothes to jewelry and even furniture
• elephants symbolize many valuable characteristics that I admire such as strength, power, wisdom & loyalty
• sadly, however our quote yesterday and the short story I have for you today don’t utilize the elephant based on these characteristics
• yesterday the elephant represented in the problem in the room
• in today’s story, he serves to convey a message
• so without further a due – lets hear it:
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• The author is unknown
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As my friend was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not. My friend saw a trainer nearby and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

“Well,” he said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size of rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.” My friend was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

• What a powerful story – in so many ways
• Most of the time – I don’t think we consciously decide that we cannot do something
• Instead, the belief has been ingrained in us based on experiences we have had, often long ago
• And as a result, we don’t even consider certain challenges we encounter
• They don’t cross our minds
• I could name many examples from my life
• My voice comes to mind
• I used to be in a choir as a child
• Nobody ever told me my voice is bad, but nobody ever said it was good either
• I remember my teacher told me that I had a deeper singing voice than others
• I recall I was slightly disappointed because I wanted to sing high and beautiful like everyone else
• But then I stopped singing and when I listened to my voice later on video or audio I hated it
• It never occurred to me to explore anything that involved primarily my voice
• Today you are listening to it and people often tell me they enjoy it
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• Some of our beliefs are old and outdated
• They don’t apply anymore
• Times change
• We change
• For a long time I always bought extra food when I shopped for my weekly things
  • Just in case
• I grew up in a time and a country where stores closed at 6pm and were closed over the weekend
  • Where there was always a Chance that the item you needed wasn’t available
• So I always had something extra in the pantry
• Today, and in this country this is not needed anymore
• Food is available 24/7
• In addition, my lifestyle has changed and I don’t want extra food lying around anymore
• It either turn bad because I forget about it or I eat and when I don’t really ant to eat it (as in the case of chocolate)
• What beliefs are you holding on to that are simply not applicable anymore?
• As in my food example, you can see how such beliefs can hold us back from our goals
• I ditched a lot of old beliefs lately as I noticed that they are actually working against me
• At some point, they helped me –
  • they kept me stay disciplined and focused
• but I have changed
• and I noticed we hang on to beliefs at times just like we do to old clothes
  • at some point we loved them, we wore them all the time,
  • but now they are in the back of our closet, untouched
  • we just cant let the go
• I encourage you to observe your daily actions and see if there are things you do just because that’s what you have always done
• New goals require new beliefs
• If you are trying to change a behavior, and its hard, maybe you keep failing – look to see if there are old beliefs that are holding you back
• I was always a very neat and clean person
• You may find this surprising but I actually taught myself to be less tidy
• Constantly picking up my stuff and tidying up my place was holding me back from being on time – major goal of mine this year
• I would be late to meetings and appointments and work because I couldn’t leave the house until it was in order
• That’s what my grandparents had taught me and I have always valued order
• My grandmother would say that you don’t want to come home to a messy house – its stressful to walk in after a long day at work and then you still have to clean up
• I live alone – I am cleaning up for myself
• So I decided – if I don’t allow an unmade bed to be stressful for me, then it wont
• Does it still bother me – sure, I admit, a little
• But it doesn’t stress me out
• I trained myself to accept a new belief – that making my bed or cleaning all surfaces is not essential before leaving my home
• When I have the time – I make my bed, which is still 80% of the time
• But forcing myself to do it when I am already running late?
  • Not effective

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• Some of our beliefs are simply not true
• We take what someone else says and make it ours
• Lets be honest – it starts with our parents telling us about Santa Claus
• But there are many other things we hear, we read, our brain somehow concocts together into a belief
• And beliefs are powerful
• They can feel like they are real
• Especially when it comes to Can and Cannot do beliefs
• Did I ever think I could climb mountains?
• Today I do
• There were times I told myself that I cannot stick to a strict diet
• Now its part of my life
• We often say we cannot do something after we fail
• our minds don’t always work in our favor, especially fter we feel discouraged
• the conclusions we draw – like
  • this isn’t for me
  • I am just not good at this
  • I am not born to do this
• They can all be put into question
• In high school I struggled with math
  • I had a teacher who supported that struggle with statements like
    • Janine, we know this is hard for you – do the best you can
  • I was the kid that struggled with math
• When I went to college in the US I was so scared of math and yet, I aced it
• I became a tutor for algebra
• I don’t know what made the difference, I am sure it was a combination of factors, but my discouraging teacher certainly played a big part
• Today at work I use numbers all the time
• I might not run complex statistical models, but when my boss or anyone questions certain results that fall under my responsibility, I will use numbers to prove my point
• Beliefs are created based on what others tell us
• But more importantly, we behave in ways that support what others say and that only engrains the beliefs even further
• Every math test that I barely passed, my high school math teacher would reiterate how hard math is for me, and how difficult it is for me to understand basic concepts
• Have you accepted beliefs from others about your capabilities?
• Please know that these are holding you back
• And here is my advice when it comes to others:
• Next time When your best friend comes to you complaining she cannot succeed in an area of her life, make your standard answer start with “Have you tried”
• And don’t stop just because she says YES
• There is always more we can try
• There are options we have not even explored yet
• I used to say “I am not good with this Social Media thing”
• I stopped saying it and instead I dove into the one media I am comfortable with – IG
• And I am slowly working my way through it
• And here is my advice when it comes to you:
• Every time you catch yourself thinking you cannot do something – don’t accept it
• Try to differentiate between ability and desire
• Maybe you don’t want to do something – that’s ok
• But truly thinking you can’t do it – I challenge you – try it a few times
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• Know that our beliefs are engrained into u – some more deeper than others
• We cannot always trace where they come from
  • as in the example with my voice
• but we can and should challenge them – especially if we notice they are holding us back from achieving something that is important to us
• climbing has taught me this important lesson:
• to always try before I take what my brain tells me for granted
• Thoughts should not make the final decision over who I am
• I decide
• Remember the qualities the elephant represents:
• strength, power, wisdom & loyalty
• I encourage you – use them to challenge old and false beliefs
• Be strong and powerful in your determination to not accept everything you believe
• Use the wisdom you have gained and be loyalty to yourself to not be held back but to attain your maximum potential for your life

Much love