Episode 26 – When you are stuck

“Anyone whose goal is ‘something higher’ must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.”
― Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Welcome – Episode 26.

• Do you have that idea for a project, a business, a hobby?
• Do you want to start something new, do something different, try a new approach
• Do you want to initiate change, a new habit, a different schedule, a routine,
• Do you want to learn something new, develop your skill set, master a task, complete a goal, become better at something, become the best?
• Do you want to end something, complete it, move on, out and away,
• Is there something deep inside that is calling you? You cant quite define it, you only know a few element but don’t have the entire picture yet?
• Or are you super-clear, convinced of the success of your idea, pumped up and ready to go?
• But you feel like something is holding you back
• Every time you want to start, continue, close the loop, tie up loose ends – sometimes right at the moment when you sit down ….
• something comes up, the phone rings with something urgent you need to attend to
• work is suddenly extremely busy
• your best friend is getting married and you need help
• or you simply cannot find the strength to get it done
• you suddenly get sick, or feel completely demotivated, or cannot focus
• you are afraid, and you doubt yourself
• all these overwhelming emotions and that loud voice that its all a complete waste of time anyways.
• has this happened to you?
• That out of nowhere all these obstacles creep up? Real or imagined
• Even after you summoned all the willpower in the world?
• Even after you cleared your weekend, took a week off from work, canceled the date, the party, the day in the wine country?
• Let me tell you
• It happens to everyone
• Milan Kundera calls it emptiness
• Steven Pressfield calls is resistance
• You may call it procrastination
• Sometimes I call it over-thinking because thinking too much holds me back from doing
• Its all and everything – its fear, self-doubt, worry, lack of self-confidence, perceived or actual time constraints,
• Its amazing to me … truly
• All the things in the world that I need to get done actually get done before I can sit down and relax over my actual task that I made the time for in the first place
• The house is spanking clean
• The laundry done
• Food in the fridge
• All these menial tasks that I normally struggle to get completed get done with the utmost efficiency
• Because in the back of my mind – there is it – my project, my dream, the thing I am burning to start
• But when I finally sit down to do the work – I am either to exhausted, or its too late in the evening
• I lost the day doing stuff, useless stuff
• But i didn’t just sit around!
• I had stuff to do!
• So I argue with myself

• Sometimes I start, and suddenly I remember that I am running low on my vitamins – so I hop over to Amazon – only quickly – or so I think – and 30min later I am reading consumer reviews on Moringa powder
• Or I start texting a friend – only one message – year right – 15min later we are shooting messages back and forth knee-deep in a heated argument
• You are smiling now, I know it
• I know I am not the only one
• It happens to everyone, in different ways
• We do things that are safe, we do what we know, whats comfortable
• And we avoid that ONE thing that we are so doubtful over, so fearful of, so ashamed at times
• Because Its risky, its not normal, its outside of our comfort zone,
• Its challenging, and unclear, it makes us nervous
• It requires work, effort, an uncommon approach
• And unfortunately many times – we never get started, and we never finish
• The dream gets pushed aside
• How long can you push aside? Well, forever I guess
• And the longer you push it aside, the harder it will be to start
• The small interferences today will be big ones next year
• This year is a date you may have to forgo, but next year you are planning a wedding that you can not put off
• This year you can be saying no to happy hour after work, but next you cannot cancel an important business dinner with clients
• This year you can back out of a group camping trip to work on your project, next year you may plan a 3-week vacation with your partner that would not be wise to cancel
• Time is finite and the longer you wait and put things off, the harder it may get to ever get started
• And while you put it off, your dream slowly moves into the background, as a gnawing unhappiness that takes a hold of you
• Unhappiness, frustration with yourself, maybe even anger
• And along with that comes the dangerous feeling of resignation
• Resigning to the circumstances, resigning to “its just not possible”
• Resigning to time that doesn’t seem to make itself available
• Resigning to all the negative thoughts that tell you that it wasn’t going to work anyway
• Don’t let yourself get there
• Don’t allow it
• Because you are potentially dismissing your true calling
• And yes, I believe everyone has at least one thing they can turn into something amazing

“As you move toward a dream, the dream moves toward you.”
― Julia Cameron

• And in this quote lies the answer
• Move
• It’s the answer to almost anything in life
• In order to get from here to there you need to move
• What does that mean?
• It simply means to sit your butt down / or maybe get it up – and do the work
• Get started
• Everything else is an excuse
• And if you continue to pay more attention to the excuses than to your project, the excuses will always win
• You think you need to lose 10 lbs first before you can start so you look better?
• You believe another yoga and mediation retreat is needed to prepare you and ensure you are truly ready?
• Just one more party with your friends, or one more cookie, one more trip to the mall?
• Congratulations, because you are officially on the road to NOT getting anything done
• You are on the road of consumerism. Another product, another class, another weekend of feeling good – you are consuming, not creating
• Get out of that hamster wheel and start

And

• Here is how you start –

4 things you have to do.

Easy. But do them. Promise!

Become selfish

• Even more than you already are
• This is your dream. Your goal. You need to be.
• Your friends and family will have to wait
• Yes, even the people that always need you
• I know – it feels good to be needed and it also makes for a great excuse
• But it wont carry you forward.
• You come first. Say no to everything else. Even if its for a good purpose. Its ok for a while.
• Selfish means making your project a priority
• I realize you have obligations – family, children maybe. Homework
• Do your stuff, but your free time needs to be carefully managed by you

Use the second step to help you:

Isolation!

• This is a tough one, but its necessary
• Nobody said this would be easy
• But no dream was ever accomplished while you hang at the beach sipping coronas all day with your buddies
• Isolate yourself from everything that causes distraction.
• The distractions are different for everyone
• It could be place you need to stay away from, or a person
• Maybe its food, alcohol, maybe you need to turn the internet off, disconnect the TV
• Whatever you need to do – but isolate yourself. This is critical
• Find a place you can work
• For some it’s the coffee shop, for me its at home. No noise, no distraction
• Isolation includes clearing your calendar
• If I could I would work only part-time and spend more time on my project
• Consider all options.
• Can you still have a fun evening here or there? Sure you can.
• Proceed with caution.
• If things get out of hand for me with to many social engagement – I quickly back away and decline
• Pick carefully but you cant pick everything
• I know – I sometimes get really creative and start looking at conferences
• But I always reign it back in with the question: Does this really serve my purpose?
• Usually it doesn’t
• And along with isolation I recommend – depending on what you are pursuing – is to keep quiet about it
• The more you share the more attention you get, and this only builds pressure for you
• So keep it for yourself as long as you can, especially when you are still working out the details, developing your plan
• We are often under the impression that we need help from everyone. Yes, but not in the development phase. You have what you need and you know it.
• Seeking help is a form of distraction – its another excuse for not getting it done yourself
• Like the many times you didn’t study for a test because you knew your friend would let you peek over her paper
• When you are done and you present your work – go for it – call everyone

Think NOW

• Don’t plan anymore. You have planned long enough. Start right now
• Work on it every single day. No if or but.
• You go to work or to school every day right? Yes because you don’t want to be fired
• You have to treat your dream and project the same
• You wont get fired but it wont get done otherwise
• Even its its only 30min every day, but the more regular you get the better.
• Set aside the time and sit down just like you do at work, and work on it
• And – like my grandfather always said – work now and enjoy later.

That brings me to the last one

Think Long-term

• I know- I just said Think Now
• This is different
• Now is for getting it done
• Long term is for staying motivated
• For when things get tough
• When people are out having fun like they do right now – I hear the 4^th of july fireworks in the distance while I am preparing this episode
• This is a good test how strongly you feel about your project
• Right about now you know – based on where you rather be
• A little sadness, a little FOMO is ok
• But if you are miserable with your work, maybe you are on the wrong track
• So make sure you think about long term
• If this is burning in your heart, then the fire will keep you going
• Because the mere thought of the end result – the smiles on peoples faces, the accolades, the freedom it will give you, the way it will make other people happy, how it will connect with other processes, make things flow, and so on
• This is your vision
• And therein lies your strength
• so – get started. Sit down and start. Don’t overthink
• you are scared, you’re afraid – good
• get started
• fear is best worked away
• before you know it your project is half-way done, its 3am and you worked away, lost track of time
• you know when you are in flow
• so go for it – with all your passion and determination

all my best to you !