Episode 51 – Gratitude

• I have waited a long time before recording an episode on gratitude
• But today I decided its time
• Gratitude is the new hip topic
• Its the new yoga for the mind
• But I strongly believe that practicing gratitude by itself is not enough
• That is why I have not discussed it separately until today
• I think its often touted as the new quick fix to mindfulness
• Just practice gratitude and your life will improve
• Its not so easy
• If you have tried it, maybe you even agree that it can feel forced
• I tried it
• Coming up and writing down 3 things I am grateful for before bedtime
• It was just another thing to do,
• Another thing on my list of daily things, that kept getting longer and longer
• It can become a mindless and forced activity
• despite my total accordance with its essence, I am over it
• I don’t read online articles anymore that proclaim 3 magic ways of becoming more grateful
• I am don’t look at IG images containing the word hugely displayed
• I have become immune to the media making it some kind miracle solution to all our problems
• My main question is this – do we really need to be reminded every day to be grateful?
• I didn’t learn most important lessons life taught me from my parents and grandparents – but I learned that,
• Always be thankful for what you have
• But – hey, maybe that was just me
• Since its so popular these days, I assume its more than a trend
• People seems to require a reminder to be thankful
• It definitely isn’t anything negative to practice gratitude
• I just don’t agree with singling it out as the one magic thing
• Without any context
• In fact, I think gratitude by itself doesn’t work
• At least not in the long term
• Its an activity for the moment
• It makes you happy while you do it
• But what does it really change?
• I know – there is research out there that professes that it changes us – it reduces stress, it provides a more positive outlook on life
• That’s good. That’s what we need
• But if you want to be serious about life change – gratitude is a small element
• Gratitude to me is part of a bigger undertaking called Quest for you
• Nice how I threw that in here
• But its true – it not only fits, its what I feel is actually the case
• Why do we feel we need to practice gratitude?
• I would say because we are not in tune with ourselves
• Ask any devout religious person – they don’t need a reminder to practice being grateful
• I would guess that every prayer they say starts out with words of thanks to their higher power
• But for the rest of us – at its essence – gratitude is an exercise to reconnect with something we have lost
• To recover this connection, the route we need to take needs to be more extensive
• Gratitude alone is a quick fix, a short-term solution
• The quest for you is the longer, but more complete way

• Gratitude is good. Don’t get me wrong
• According to Robert Emmons, a leading scientific expert on gratitude, its an affirmation of goodness.
• We affirm that there are good thing in the world, gifts and benefits we’ve received. This doesn’t mean that life is perfect; but gratitude encourages us to identify some amount of goodness in our life.
• I like this definition. It’s the essence of what it means to be thankful
• But I believe we are going about gratitude the wrong way
• We are looking at it from the outside, when in fact it should come naturally from within
• To me, gratitude is a state of mind, not an activity or behavior you can learn in 21 days or less
• Its something we do for a while but then it gets forgotten again
• When, in fact, it should be something that comes from within, something that is always present
• A feeling, a state of mind, a disposition
• when you undertake the journey of finding your true essence, you will discover gratitude
• Lets take a look at gratitude first from the outside, then from the inside

1. it brings you to the present moment

• sound familiar?
• I talk a lot about the importance of living in the presence
• So you can say, that yes, gratitude does the same, but it does so only temporarily
  • You stop your day for a minute,
  • You come up with a few things you are grateful for
  • Task done
  • You move on
• However, when you practice mindfulness through regular meditation or stillness, you cultivate presence from within
• You are not just learning to be present in that one moment, you are in fact, changing your entire being and thinking to become more present in life
• And when you do so, when you live more in the present moment – more aware, more alert, more open and curious – you also become more grateful
• You see what I said here – you become
• You don’t do, you don’t produce a list
• You become grateful through your cultivation of living in the present
• Gratitude also …

2. Changes your view of your world and the world around you

• Clearly so – by analyzing the good in your life, you take a step back and you reflect,
• Its like taking an inventory of your life – look what I have, and how much I actually appreciate it
• Your realize how much you really need your phone and your car and your clothes
• And for a moment you are thankful
• But again – it’s a momentary thing
• Remembered this moment, forgotten the next
• When, on the other hand, you start on the inside – when you take charge of the direction and the quality of your life as whole – you are changing the relationship with yourself as a person
• You are bringing awareness back to yourself,
• Shining a light on your mind and how it influences your perceptions and your actions
• That is the journey from the inside
• And that is how you discover negative emotions, a lack of satisfaction and inner happiness, your withdrawal from life
• And when you start working on those aspects, gratitude becomes a byproduct
• I consistently end my mediation with a smile
• Not a forced smile
• I just find myself smiling, because an inner happiness and balance has taken hold of me
• And with that perceptive attention I approach my day, and ultimately my life
• You see the difference here
• Between a momentary reflection of the good in our life and the actual living of the good in life
• And there is more
• Being just grateful for what you have is good
• But when you do the inner work, you may come to the realization that you don’t even need everything you have
• You may become more generous and kinder, you may begin to live more conscious, more minimalist
• There is so much more that happens when you do the inner work

So – my suggestion is this:

Take the longer route

Take the journey back to yourself

Because gratitude resides within all of us

By becoming aware, by accepting the present moment as it is, gratitude is allowed to open up within you

• Despite all this – I will say
• Gratitude can also be a way to start your journey
• If you cannot find another way to your inner world – if meditation is not your thing, if you cannot seem to become still, if the other topics just don’t resonate
• If you are lost and confused
• Then maybe gratitude is a start for you
• Start with momentary gratitude, and then seek to move on from there
• But – If it becomes forced and artificial, then seek something else
• Your goal should be to find meaning and harmony in everything you do
• So start somewhere, as long as you start
• If gratitude is lacking form your life, then use it as a way to discover yourself

“Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” – Lao Tzu