Episode 264 – Adding on

“You will never change your life until you change something you do daily”— Mike Murdock

I believe that part of the reason that many of us don’t advance, don’t change and don’t accomplish our dreams is that we beat ourselves up to much over the things we cannot do
Let me tell you straight up – nothing will come from that
You lost 10 lbs and now gained it all back in 2 week
You are not alone
It happens to all of us
You quit smoking or drinking and did well for a year
But now you started again
And beating yourself up over it
Why can I not do it?
Whats wrong with me?
We make progress, and we regress
sometimes we try again, and when the same thing happens, we often give up
we get stuck in beating ourselves up over our failures
We tell ourselves all sorts of stories
We are not meant for this
Its genetic
We are not good enough or smart enough
We battle with disappointment
We spend energy on a lost cause
Life is full of setbacks
We can ask all day long why it didn’t work out
We can blame ourselves
And rightfully so, because often we are to blame
If you have been listening to my podcast for a while then you may know a little about me
And I don’t like dwelling over past stuff
I have done it enough in my life and it didn’t get me where I had hope
So I look forward
And I have found that I don’t always have the best plan when it comes to building good habits and making my dreams come true
But as long as I move into the general direction of where I want to go, things come together eventually
You see, we often take an all or nothing approach:
This one diet will get me to desired weight
This specific exercise routine will do it
This one job will get me the title and promotion I am looking for
And when it doesn’t work out, we get stuck
We don’t know what is next
Throughout my life, I have been stuck many times
I didn’t even notice it
Years would fly by and I couldn’t figure out what to do
I would tell everyone – eventually I will run a marathon, when I am not injured anymore
In the meantime I would battle during my morning runs
Never getting much beyond 12 miles of practice in
The same was true for other things
Today I realize that I was stuck
Stuck in a one way road
My way or the highway
And I didn’t see a way out because I thought there was only one way

the best remedy for past failure is not to beat yourself up
Because it wastes time
The best remedy for blindness is action
You may not be able to see clearly,
It happens to the best of us
We are so convinced that it has to be a certain way
That this is the only way it will work
That this has to be it
But you don’t have to get stuck
You can always move
Even without a clear destination
Or detailed direction
By adding on

Adding on? You may wonder
Yes,
Add on
Every single day
1%, half a percent, some days nothing
But try to add on
Good habits
New behaviors
Solid routines
Life-long Goals
And big dreams Dreams
They all take time
But to often we don’t ever reach them because we are trapped in our one-way street of failed attempts
Adding on works because it gets you out of stuck mode
Adding on means moving forward
When you ate your hard-lost 10 lbs back on during your 2 weeks in Europe, you start over when you return
Start simple
Start with one thing you know works
Maybe an evening walk – 20 minutes
Or by cutting out sodas
Don’t get overwhelmed because work is busy after that long vacation
I know it is – I have been there
Its unfeasible to start a big diet and exercise regimen right after vacation
So you ease your way into it with one step
And then you add on from there
Slowly, but steadily

Adding on means learning from your mistakes and correcting them along the way
We overcomplicate the analyzing part
And that keeps us stuck
We overthink why it didnt work
We find reasons and explanations and those slowly turn into excuses

By moving forward, you learn much quicker
Often by trial and error,
Or by watching others
Every time I have failed and started over, I have come back stronger
Most things I do start radical
6 workouts a week, or a 500 calorie diet
I am pretty intense when it comes to my goals
But of course, these radical goals fail after a while
And that forces me to think and reconsider
And I try again
And I learn along the way
Today, when I gain 10 lbs on vacation for example, I am not really in shock anymore
I know exactly what to do to drop them
But I have to keep at it
Sitting there and overthinking it will only add another 10lbs

Adding on the good slowly eliminates the bad
I especially found this to be true
My free time is consumed by 3 major things:
Exercising
Working on my podcast and
Social time
The more I want to focus on one or two or all 3 of them, the less time I will have left for other, often distracting things
So even if my podcast is still very small, with very few listeners
And my body is not in the shape that I want it to be
And I don’t yet have the kind of friends or partner I really want
The more I work towards my goal, the closer I will get
Things that used to distract me don’t anymore
For example – Saturday night bar hopping or Friday happy hour with coworkers was often on my agenda years ago
I didn’t really intentionally quit those activities, but they got crowded out by other, better activities
Those that make sense for me
Those that are more in line with my life goals
I have a stricter exercise regimen that I am trying to follow and that puts me in the gym most Fridays
So – less time for happy hour
My healthy diet doesn’t permit much alcohol
When I drink it, I often feel bad the next day
Dehydrated and tired
So now I don’t look forward to meeting my friends at the bar anymore
I save so much time that was spent lounging around in bed Sunday mornings trying to recover from these long nights

This is the magic of adding on

Adding on will eventually get you where you want to go
By focusing on your goals one small step at the time, you are slowing making the changes you are looking to make
You are becoming the person you really want to be
Despite having failed on your one big goal

I often think back – when friends cancelled on me on a Saturday night, my world would fall apart
What would I do?
Now, I always hope that nobody invites me to a bar anymore because it’s the worst thing I can think of doing with my time

When you slowly add on to the things that are important to you, the ones that are not as important will slowly fade in the background
You wont even notice it at first
And in fact, you will not know that these things didn’t add any value to your life until they are gone
You will find yourself really busy because you added another exercise class or a enrolled in an arts course or volunteer at a shelter
You feel bad, because you have to cancel the brunch with your friends, or the party at your neighbors house, or the poker night with your buddies

For a while it feels like you are taking on to much
And people will tell you that
Those people that you are putting off
But in your heart it feels right
You are learning and growing
You’re getting really good at this thing you’re doing
You’re meeting new people and having fun
And one day you realize:
That your life has changed
You have changed
That you don’t even miss poker, and parties and dinners anymore
And most importantly
You see the progress
You worked your way slowly towards that big intimidating goal that you gave up on years ago
You are not stuck anymore, like the rest of your friends, doing what they have always done
Because you added on
Day by day
And now You have added a new skill to your repertoire
You found a new passion, maybe even a new source of income
You are moving into a new direction

small steps, tiny improvements every day will gradually lead to the change you want.
Do not worry about the failure, the rejection, the missed opportunity
Simply move again
Even if you don’t have a plan, a gym membership, money or much time
Just do something
Anything will do
Action always beats inaction
Experimentation is better than being stuck
Movement is better than laziness

Over time, those actions start compounding on each other.
In the beginning, your improvements will be so small as to seem practically nonexistent.
You wont even notice them
You may even change steps, trying something new because you think what you are doing is not working
That’s ok
All movement is good because it will eventually lead you onto the right path

James Clear explains, “We place unnecessary stress on ourselves to lose weight or to succeed in business or to write a best-selling novel. Instead, you can keep things simple and reduce stress by focusing on the daily process and sticking to your schedule, rather than worrying about the big, life changing goals. When you focus on the practice instead of the performance, you can enjoy the present moment and improve at the same time.”

Much love

Each day, just focus on getting 1% better in whatever it is you’re trying to improve. That’s it. Just 1%.

Kaizen — Japanese for continuous improvement

It was developed by Depression-era American business management theorists in order to build the arsenal of democracy that helped the U.S. win World War II. The Japanese took to the idea of small, continual improvement right away and gave it a name: Kaizen — Japanese for continuous improvement.

While Kaizen was originally developed to help businesses improve and thrive, it’s just as applicable to our personal lives.

The idea here is to focus on consistent improvements in your life, every day, not matter how small the step you take to be a better you than you were yesterday.

According to Brett and Kate McKay of The Art of Manliness:

“Instead of trying to make radical changes in a short amount of time, just make small improvements every day that will gradually lead to the change you want. Each day, just focus on getting 1% better in whatever it is you’re trying to improve. That’s it. Just 1%.

It might not seem like much, but those 1% improvements start compounding on each other. In the beginning, your improvements will be so small as to seem practically nonexistent. But gradually and ever so slowly, you’ll start to notice the improvements in your life. It may take months or even years, but the improvements will come if you just focus on consistently upping your game by 1%.”

Here is why Kaizen works
“When you improve a little each day, eventually big things occur. When you improve conditioning a little each day, eventually you have a big improvement in conditioning. Not tomorrow, not the next day, but eventually a big gain is made. Don’t look for the big, quick improvement. Seek the small improvement one day at a time. That’s the only way it happens — and when it happens, it lasts.” — John Wooden

The Kaizen approach is a reminder that all improvements must be maintained if we wish to secure consistent gains. Think of the smallest step you can take every day that would move you incrementally towards your goal.

Becoming 1% better every day is a simple, practical way to achieve big goals. 1% seems like a small amount. Yes, it is. It’s tiny. It’s easy. It’s doable. And it’s applicable in most things you want to do or accomplish.

It feels less intimidating and is more manageable. It might feel less exciting than chasing a huge win, but its results will be stronger and more sustainable.