Episode 35 – Your goals and your friends

• People can stand in the way as you are trying to change
• they don’t understand your new unavailability
• and they still want to hog your time
• it becomes harder and harder for you to say No without pushing them away
• they are used to a certain YOU
• the one that drank a lot of alcohol, or the one that contributed heavily to gossip, or the one that took shortcuts whenever possible

• you decide to change, to improve, to start a new project – this takes you out of your regular environment
• like moving, going to college, or starting a new job
• and suddenly you can feel all alone
• its normal – you are taking a major step into a completely different direction
• and unless one of your friends is doing something similar, you dont really have anyone by your side

• the issue is – sometimes even your closest friends don’t understand your decisions
• they are usually ok if it involves a socially accepted change, such as a move, college or a new job
• but if you are daring something new, unconventional, and even risky, people close to us struggle
• they urge us to re-thing, they come up with all sorts of reasonable arguments that even make sense
• they caution us to use logic instead of our heart
• and they may even be right
• but you gotta do what you gotta do
• they are reacting out of their own selfishness
• they want the old YOU
• they don’t want to lose you
• they are comfortable in their routine of which you are a part
• they are afraid, that your change also means a change to their lifes
• now they may have to go out on a limb and find a new friend, or something else to do
• it pushes them out of their comfort zone

Number ONE

• Don’t take any of this as sign that you’re in the wrong track
• I know it can feel this way
• Because our friends are usually right when we see them with other problems
• And they have our best interest in mind
• But this is about you
• Its your journey
• And you know whats best for you
• And even you don’t know 100% – its your decision to take a chance

Number TWO

• Don’t think you need to make a judgement call, or even eliminate your friends from your life
• yes, maybe they are being difficult
• maybe they challenge you, or even criticize you
• maybe they are more demanding, or become distant
• its ok
• Don’t interpret it as good or bad
• Just leave it
• Try to be kind, understanding
• Even if you feel like some of your friends don’t fit into your life anymore
  • You quit drinking and now don’t go out as much anymore
  • You started exercising after work and don’t have time for happy hour
  • You are working on being positive and kind and don’t gossip at lunch anymore
• Suddenly you may feel you have moved on and need to find new friends with the same mindset
• Its always good to make new friends, but give your old friends a chance.
• Here is what I tell myself:
• soon they will be on the same path as me – I am just a couple of steps ahead
• Be silent and do your work
• Pursue your project
• Focus
• Friends and family will come around
• just like you are changing, they will change to adapt to the new you
• give it some time
• they may even hop on the same train with you, inspired by your transformation
• or they may decide to help you with your goals
• you never know
• they may have something that they never shared with you that fits right into your plan
• so don’t judge, don’t make rash decisions
• give them time
• just like you would do for them
• right?

Number THREE

• monitor your boundaries
• you come first
• very demanding friends and family members can rob you of your time and confidence if you are not careful
• in an effort to hold onto you, they may push
• and you may have to push back
• don’t sacrifice your goals for your friends that don’t understand or respect your pursuit
• be kind, but don’t get off your path
• too often we fail in our objectives because we are unsure how to separate
  • we break our diet because we don’t want our friends to question us at the big dinner with tons of people
  • we stay out until late because we don’t want to be considered boring
  • we go along even though we really don’t have time

• don’t try to manage your life AND the life of your friends
• you have plenty on your hands with just your life
• and with grace, and without loosing your cool, or your guard, stay on track with your pursuit

And if this message speaks to you, then I am sure that the ending quote I have for you today will too:

Kent Keith – People Are Often Unreasonable

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may just never be enough;
Give the world the best you have anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it’s all between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

From Do It Anyway: The Handbook for Finding Personal Meaning and Deep Happiness in a Crazy World.

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