Episode 45

not opposing, but welcoming

• have you noticed how often you are annoyed, a little ticked off, or just internally resist what is happing?
• we are quite busy all day long judging and resisting what we consider interruptions and obstacles to our life, our routine, our idea of how the day should go
• This becomes apparent to me when I sit down for meditation
• even then, during that time where I am just with myself, when its generally quiet, no interruptions
• its just me and my thoughts and yet there I am – still finding things to resist
• the drip of a faucet somewhere in the house that bothers me
• the noise of a helicopter flying outside, or the beeping of the garbage trucks that seem to come by every day now
• the hum of the fridge in the kitchen
• I resist the noises because I want peace and quiet
• Because I believe that this is what meditation should be like
• I want things to be a certain way
• We all do
• if I oppose minor disturbances like these, what else is there?
• if you give it some thought – i am sure you will resonate with some of these:
• the slow car in front of you, hogging the left lane as you are trying to get somewhere
• the key that wont open the door quick enough
• the people talking loudly in the restaurant when we are trying to have a romantic dinner

• as I am writing this I am sitting in a coffee shop in Vacaville California and next to me 2 men are talking loudly about a new TV show they discovered on Netflix

• you may not even notice it
• or you may not think that this is resistance
• you think YOU have not done anything wrong
• it’s the other people that are interfering
• The circumstances that are not playing in your favor
• your genes, your bad luck, your destiny
• Why always me
• you have to admit – inside, these little annoyances always result in a small turmoil
• they affect us
• we are distracted, unable to focus
• heart rate goes up slightly
• and if a few of these add up together – we call it a bad day
• Our default reaction is to be annoyed, frustrated, irritated
• The negative response is always the easiest so it comes to us first
• The positive one requires work
• We have to think about it, make an effort
• Especially If we have not observed or practiced anything different
• But I am not suggesting rose-colored glasses
• I never will
• They have not worked for me in life
• Instead, what has worked for me is what I share with you here on this podcast
• And these are tweaks in our thoughts, our actions, and our perception of the world

So

• How about this:
• What if, instead of resisting as a natural default …
• … what if instead we welcome the interruptions
• our routines are important
• they keep balance in our life
• they give us control

• but at the same time – we cannot control outside events
• they will happen
• so instead of opposing them …
• can we accept them
• and perceive them differently
• as a surprise, an interesting new twist
• as something to work with
• to incorporate into the day
• can we change how we react?
• Even if the default is almost automated, unconscious
• It still is a decision we make
• What if we decide something different?

• And to say “I wont let this affect me anymore” is not enough
• I have said this before – deciding NOT to do something anymore doesn’t work
• not doing something is not a plan of action

• Here is my suggestion:
• welcome all these minor annoyances in your life
• embrace them
• incorporate them
• they are part of your life today
• they make life interesting

• the unexpected noises during meditation?
  • Work with them. Can you still meditate even with them? Maybe they will help you become better at meditation? Sitting in silence is easy. Focusing on the present with noises in the background is much harder
  • Do the interruptions signal something to you? Maybe you need to work on being more patient. More accepting. More generous and kind?
  • The little things are were you can practice so that the big things don’t throw you off course so extremely anymore

I encourage you to try it out:

• Pick something small, like traffic or something particular that bothers you pretty regularly
• Maybe something another person does
• And try to find a way to welcome it as part of your life
• In traffic – I often say out loud “well, someone is really in a hurry today” and I let them be
• Find a statement that gives the thing that is bothering you the benefit of the doubt, or turn it around into something that benefits you
• Here are a few ideas of statements you could use or modify to fit your need:
  • I can learn from this, or
  • This is teaching me to be ….
  • This has something good in it, I just cant see it quite yet
  • I am stronger than this and this doesn’t lift me
  • There are people worse off than me at this very moment
• Or:
  • Breathe slowly and deeply a few times
  • Smile – even if fake, just smile
• Lastly:
• Prepare!
• Don’t think the “thing” will not happen again
• We both know it will
• So prepare your response
• You know when you get in traffic that it will be congested
• Leave earlier, as much as it wastes your valuable time, it will help be pass the time more at ease
• Count on someone cutting you off, plan on it and it wont affect you as much
• Prepare what you will say or do.
• Wrap your mind around something positive,
• To take it a step further – for the really advanced people that are listening:
• What blessing can you send the person?
• If they are in a hurry, don’t wish them a cop or an accident
• Wish them safety
• Say it to yourself now,
• It has to feel real and good to you
• It has to seem doable
• In the moment, this phrase will come to you
• I promise you this:
• You will feel better about yourself
• You will not spend your valuable energy on something that is not worth it
• You will feel accomplished – having taken the higher road, the harder road, it feels good
• Congratulate yourself
• And now apply this to other areas of your life
• And don’t think I am suggesting you don’t care anymore
• That’s not it.
• Just care —  in a caring way.

Until next time