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Episode 455 – We live the life we want

• Many people complain about life
  • They are unhappy with the state of our political affairs so they criticize others in their Twitter feed
  • They are dissatisfied with their work and will tell other coworkers how miserable they are
  • They are unhappy with their relationships at home and will nitpick over every little thing with their loved ones
• The people that complain always find fault with someone else other than themselves
• And we all do it from time to time
• We all have aspects in our life we are not completely happy with
• And to release some of this dissatisfaction – we complain
  • When there is an unexpected change – we protest
  • When someone else raises the issue, we feel supported and chime in
  • When things don’t work out the way we hoped, we blame others, or our misfortune
• Yet
• We live the life we want
• We live the life we choose
• We made a choice to be in this place
• I know some of you might protest now and say that you didn’t choose your circumstances, that you are stuck, that you don’t have what it takes to get out
• I will challenge you and say – there is always a way
• And sometimes the way is a change in your perspective
• You see
• Complaining is also a choice
• The circumstances may have been unfavorable
• Not what we hoped for
• Outside of our control
• But we still have a choice
• We can live a life of complaining and being a victim
• Or we can live a life of opportunity and being in control
  • When we choose the later, we will find way to improve our situation
  • When we decide to complain, we only see more of the same old problem
• We live the life we want
• We don’t live the life we say we want
• If we lived that life – everything would be perfect
  • We’d be in shape, without debt, in a fulfilling relationship and with a rewarding career
• That’s what we say we want – but often that is not the life we live
• Because deep down that is not really what we want
• We may feel very lonely inside and all we want is connection
• So we go out and hang with people – even though they don’t treat us well
• And while we say to everyone that we don’t want these people in our life, they are there
• And we wonder – why
• Why do I attract the same kind of people into my life
  • Negative people, abusive people, controlling people
  • When that’s not what we are seeking
• We live the life we want
• When I want ice cream, I go get ice cream
• When I want love and acceptance and recognition – I seek it out
•  
• There is no use in complaining about anything in our life
• Its there because we want it
• We may not want this exact thing – this kind of person, or job, or living arrangement
• But there is an aspect of this situation that meets a need we have
• So if we are not happy with our circumstances, we need ask what need this situation is meeting
• Our jobs, even though we don’t always like them, meet a need
  • Financial security
  • A need for safety and comfort
• This unhappy relationship we cannot get out of
  • We may say we never wanted THIS kind of relationship, but by enduring it, it must be meeting some of need
• If you want to change an aspect of your life that you are not happy with but seem to struggle with it – first analyze the need its meeting
• There is usually always one

Cont.

• When you find the need
  • Maybe the need for attention, for love, security and belonging
  • Then you know what keeps you in situations that really don’t make you happy
• So yes, the partner you’re with may not make you happy, but maybe you are afraid to be alone so you stay in the relationship
• Maybe the job is not fulfilling, but your need for safety is greater than your willingness to try something new
• Find out what your need is
• I often ask myself
  • Why am I putting up with this?
  • Why am I still here
• I recently quit 2 friendships I had in my life
• I spoke about this topic in the last episode
• We keep people around even though they didn’t sign an agreement with us
• We are the only ones upholding it
• And most likely because these people meet some kind of need in our life
• Maybe now you see
• We live the life we want
• We live the life we choose
• Maybe not consciously because we are not immediately aware of  our needs
• That’s why its important to be aware
• To always question our decisions
• And to definitely question them when they lead to outcomes that don’t make us happy
• And instead of complaining to the outside world
• We need to see what we can change about ourselves that wont give us a reason to complain anymore
• There is almost always something we can change
• There are people in the gym that don’t know proper gym etiquette
• They don’t rerack after they finish using a machine
• They leave dumbbells on the floor instead of putting them back in the rack
• Or mats, or balls laying around
• They don’t clean up after themselves
• And I used to complain about it to my buddies there
• But complaining is useless
• It doesn’t change anything
• Now, when I see it, I approach them and ask if they are done using the equipment and if they wouldn’t mind cleaning up so I can use it
• And often they are responsive and do it
• Instead of complaining and not changing the situation, I teach these folks, in a gentle way, what proper gym etiquette is
• The same was done to me years ago
• There is never a reason to complain about our circumstances
• We can always do something about them
• But lets first find out why we even have these circumstances in our life
• It starts with awareness
• And then we can go an do something about them

Much love