Some people come to a coaching session with a problem that, at first glance, is caused by someone else. I hear statements like:

• “I can’t be happy because he doesn’t listen to me.”
• “I dropped out of the workshop because they weren’t my kind of people.”
• “She said mean things, and now I need to figure out how to avoid her.”

People can bring so much joy into our lives. But they can also trigger pain, frustration, and helplessness—or at least that’s how it feels.
And unless we can get him to listen, find people who are exactly on our wavelength, and avoid those we don’t like, it can seem like happiness is out of reach.
So people come to coaching hoping to fix their “people problems.” And yes—coaching is powerful. But the work rarely involves fixing the other person. Because we all know this: people don’t change unless they genuinely want to.

So if we can’t control other people, what is actually ours to work with?
Our expectations.
Our reactions.
And ultimately—who we choose to be.

We can be honest about what we want. We can communicate it. We can set boundaries where needed. But we don’t have to hand over our emotional state to whether someone else follows through.
People get to be who they are. And we get to decide how we show up.

That might mean asking for what matters—and letting go of the result.
It might mean taking better care of our own needs instead of waiting for someone else to meet them.
It might mean appreciating what is already there, instead of focusing on what isn’t.

When we focus on how we want to show up in the relationship, we remove our dependence on the other person and take our power back. And when I turn these situations back to my clients, they now have a problem they can actually solve:

• How can I be a better listener? How can I listen more closely to my own needs?
• How can I show up as my fullest self in a workshop, instead of expecting others to do so? What can I bring? How can I add value?
• Instead of avoiding her, how can I meet her with a better attitude?

I’ve adopted the idea that life gives us assignments—that everything we experience is part of our growth.
Looking at the world and the people I meet through this lens allows me to ask:

• How is this here to support me?
• How is this helping me see more clearly who I am—and who I want to be?

And maybe this is something you can try as well.
Anytime you find yourself feeling helpless, out of control, or frustrated because someone isn’t behaving according to your preferences, see if you can pause and ask:
What might this situation be asking of me?
Because the moment we stop expecting someone else to make our life better, we can start asking how this unmet expectation might be here to make our life better.

If this is something you’d like help with, let’s sit down together and work through it.

Warmly,
Janine