If there is one thing that I am proud of this year it is the knowledge I gained around making friends. Friends are hard to find when we don’t make an effort. But as soon as we are not afraid anymore to put ourselves out there and meet people, friends will come. This episode is a good reminder that friends can can come in all colors and sizes and if you are finding yourself alone over the upcoming holiday season, give some of my tips a try.

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Conflict is inevitable and its actually good. Because every conflict reveals something we need to learn. The four truths I share in this episode are a great reminder for us to approach conflict with an open mind about our own feelings and understandings and that of the other person. And if we look at it like that, we can learn more than we think. 

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Surrender is one of the most effective strategies I have used in many fights and arguments. And since I spoke a lot about conflict and relationships during the last 100 episodes, this one is worth repeating. 

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If we wait until we are ready, we would never take a job, be parents or purchase a home. We would not start much in life. We get ready along the way. The key to ready is to start. We spent to much time thinking, analyzing, and worrying. And this is why this episode is important and worth repeating.

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When we desperately want to find our passion, we often overlook our talents. We hide them, we leave them undeveloped, and we consider them foolish. Yet, if we try to use our talents more, we might at the same time find more joy and fulfillment in our daily lives. 

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It can seem challenging, even frustrating, when we try to figure out what our passion is. Especially, when everyone advices us to follow it. Our passions are not always clear to us, so we have to do some experimenting and playing around to find them. This means, not waiting for them to show up, but doing something so we notice them.

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In a 24/7 world, words come easy. But that does not mean they are the right words. Oftentimes we say to much. Action can be more effective than many words. 

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The silent treatment is an adult temper tantrum. And this is why this episode is important. We need to become aware to this passive aggressive behavior, whether we are the ones acting it out or receiving it. The silent treatment is an inability to communicate properly and cannot pass as effective communication. If we want to be our best self, then this is a behavior that needs to be changed or avoided. 

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I am using this milestone today of 500 episodes to reflect how far I have come. Even though I have not made the progress I wish for, I have moved forward. We are often only fixated on the next goal, yet we forget to acknowledge how far we have come. Today is a reminder to do this more often. 

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The holiday season is upon us and we tend to get pulled away from our goals more. Without enough momentum, we often stall or give up. Growth comes through experiences, and we can only get them when we engage with the world. Go out and see new things. Try something new, even if you fell discouraged and unmotivated. A change or a new perspective may be all you need to move forward again.

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We talk all day, more than ever, yet are we really connecting? True connection with others is one of the most rewarding aspects of our lives. Yet often we don’t don’t know how to get there. We may wait for it to happen, or we believe it to be impossible. When we learn about the different levels of conversation, we can become more aware what it takes to achieve a deeper bond with the other person.

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In today’s episode: Advice from the richest man. Love cannot be bought. The only way to get love is to give it away. This is risky. This means being vulnerable. But the returns are potentially major. 

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When we get angry its almost like a game of ball. We have been handed a negative situation, and often we pass it on to others in the form of anger. Anger is an emotion that is personal. It is not to be shared with others; its to be dealt with on our own. By passing the ball to others, we exclude ourselves from taking any responsibility for our feelings. Its time to end that game and become more aware when unpleasant feelings arise. 

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Every purchase we make casts a vote. By becoming more discerning with our money, we raise our level of awareness of our own consumption and contribute to better products on the market. I have a few strategies for you to help you make better purchases. 

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Writers block doesn’t just affect writers. We all have moments when we feel stuck or empty with our creative endeavors and our goals. But writer’s block is just a temporary emptiness that requires new fuel. Instead of excusing or resisting it, we need to fill ourselves back up with new inspiration and creativity. 

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People often wonder how they can get better and how to get more courage to do what they want to do. It takes work. Everything meaningful to be accomplished takes a lot of work and that work often occurs during our unseen hours. These are the many hours of study and preparation that get us to be better. And as we get better, we also become more courageous to try more.

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Distractions are everywhere and easy to blame when we don’t get our stuff done. But is it really the abundance of distractions that keep us from achieving what we set out to do? In this episode I will talk about 2 fundamental issue that keep us in a state of distraction. When we can address those – and I will offer some tips on how – then we can begin to reduce the distractions in our life.

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A quote from Magic Realism and nature have inspired me to reconsider our structured notion of time – past, present and future. What is time is more fluid? What if we approach time less as something that is limited and scheduled for us as more eternal, and within our power? Time ticks by every second, but its also available to us right this second to make the best of it.  

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I am fascinated by a few lines of a song that starts with these line:

Oh, to live is to fly,
Both low and high
The ups and downs of life are part of life. We can fight against them, ignore them, worry about them OR we can fly with them. Low and high. Accept them and make them work in our favor.

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Rather than trying to be right, how about we assume we are wrong? 
Trying to be right has a tendency to close us off from seeing another person’s point of view. It prevents us from connecting with the human being across from us. 
Assuming we are wrong prompts questions and can change the course of our relationships with others.

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Our inner critic both drives us and hols us back. In well-defined environments, our inner critic lets us push forward relentlessly. But when there is risk involved, a chance that things may not work out, the inner critic likes to talk us out of it.  We need to let the critic speak, so we become aware of it. But he or she should not have the final say. 

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A great quote by Machiavelli inspires us to think about the mistakes we are making. Are we making errors because we underestimated a risk or because we didn’t take responsibility? Mistakes of ambition are teaching moments, while mistakes of laziness never take us beyond our comfort zone.

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We are obsessed with productivity these days. And not only at work anymore. We also want to maximize our free time so we can accomplish all the goals we set for ourselves. But despite all the fancy Apps, tools, hacks an tricks at our fingertips, many of us still don’d get our stuff done. I have on go-to productivity tool thats as simple as can be and I use it every day. Its key in helping me reach my goals. 

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Even when we know that our doing would be for the best, it may not be what is needed. We want to do good, we want to help, but sometimes, we need to accept that it is not what the other person or the situation requires. Sometimes we just need to be.Be there, listen, show support. Without doing. Letting go of what we think is best, and allow life to take its course. 

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Just because we are working on our goals, often at night and on weekends, doesn’t mean we can’t have fun. But our fun will change – from superficial time fillers to fun with purpose. the kind of fun that others may consider boring, but that helps us grow and get even closer to our goals and dreams.

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Starting a conversation with a person you don’t know can be scary. Yet the few times I have done so, I have had surprising outcomes. I made new friends, found solutions to problems I didn’t even plan on solving when i initiated the talk, and gained insights and new perspectives I previously didn’t have. You have nothing to lose – so start these interactions more frequently and see for yourself the interesting turns your life will take. 

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Do you complain a lot? Maybe not out loud to others, but to yourself? I realized I complain more than I like. What we think is just a statement, an observation or an explanation, might actually come across to another person as a complaint. Especially if they have a stake in what we are commenting on. I found an answer to my complaining dilemma with the Stoics, and I hope you find it useful as well.

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When we spend time with the best, we become our best. They are the people who push us, who give us constructive criticism, and who strive to become better every day. If we want to reach our big, lofty goals, we need those people in our lives. They may not be easy to find, and it may require a lot of hard work to get into their circle, but its worth it. One hour with the best can lead to exponential growth in our life. 

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Have you noticed that you are not always focusing on the areas that you say matter most? The Attention Matrix by Neen James will help you get clear on your priorities. In a few words, you will spell out where your focus is – on a personal level, in your professional life, and with your global vision. Its a valuable tool that challenges us to spell out what we are about. 

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What percentage of potential would you like to have? This is the question we need to ask ourselves when we decide between risk and reward, between short-term fun and long-term gain. I devised an equation for risks and rewards which shows that the risk is minimized when we look a little harder for the reward that may not yet seem obvious. And that is – our potential.

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I am busy. But I am afraid to say so because the somehow the word busy has a bad rep. I look at it a bit closer in this episode and thanks to a recent post by Seth Godin, I have come to terms with busy. It never feels good to the person we are to busy for. But when we are busy, we are, ideally, doing something important. And this has to take priority. 

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A recent email by meditation guru Light Watkins revealed 4 truths about conflict that I find helpful. Any difficult encounter with a loved one contains these 4 truths and before we jump into judgement, react with strong emotions or make incorrect assumptions, we need to go through these truths. They have the power to redirect the outcome of the conflict into an unexpected direction. 

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I have learned that most conflicts in my life are my responsibility. I can always make a better effort through my responses, my expectations, and my actions. But we have to do the inner work. We have to look for the lesson in each conflict and then reflect on it. If we are not willing to work on ourselves, conflicts will continue to repeat themselves.

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Two recent articles made me reflect on the subjective nature of our experiences. Yet we believe they are the universal wisdom. And the we try to impose our views on others, or fail to listen when they share their experiences that may be different from ours. This episode is a gentle reminder for all of us that just because we know its true, its not true fro everyone else. 

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When you allow your mind to pick the station, it will play whatever it likes. It will take you down memory lanes and before you know it, you’re in a bad mood, frustrated, depressed or even angry. 
Our mind is powerful because it can determine how we feel and act. Therefore, it needs to be controlled. Don’t allow it to seek whatever it wishes. You decide where you want it to go.

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How do we know who to listen to in critical moment – the brain or the heart? Often we dismiss the heart as irrational. But yet, we all at times go by our intuition. Science supports the notion that our heart should be included in our decisions and I share a few tips on how we can balance heart and brain better. 

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You don’t have to start anything. You can wait until the circumstances are perfect, until you feel ready and everything falls into place. Or you can start. Somewhere. Anywhere. With a terrible first effort. But its an effort. And it will get better as you keep refining it.

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We argue, we fight, we get all fired up in our often difficult interactions with other human beings. We want to be right and we want to control the outcome somehow. I have found that a simple apology is the best ending to a challenging interaction. While it sound like you are giving in or giving up, an apology allows you to let go of managing the outcome.

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When walking on a lonely beach, many of us turn around and admire our footprints in the sand. We admire the path we created. Its the unbeaten path – the one we have not walked before. Thats the one we create because we don’t follow someone else’s footsteps – we forge our own way.

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Making ourselves uncomfortable on purpose? Its not the first thing that comes to mind. But what if its exactly what we need to do in order to get started with the thing we have been wanting to do for so long? What if we purposely go out of our way to take the longer, more difficult route home? On this episode I challenge you to go for something uncomfortable in the upcoming days and then look back to see how it feels. It may prompt you to do more of it.

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A to-do list can help us focus and get stuff don’t. But it can also grow to an extend where we are unable to accomplish everything on that list. That is where a to-don’t list can come in handy. It contains those things that hold us back from getting our priorities done. These are the things we agree to not do – like always helping others before doing our own work.

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True growth comes from discomfort. And while it may be a painful in the beginning, in the end is always rewarding because of everything we have learned from the experience. Without some discomfort, life is easy and predictable. Risk and uncertainty make my days more interesting and exciting. 

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Sometimes we get stuck. We don’t know where to go from here. I have three elements in my life that help me get unstuck every time. In this episode, I share specific activities with you around each one that can hep you too. When we need direction, we need to seek connection.  Its often the distraction with mindless matters that creates distance from our goals, so we need to reconnect.That connection can be with nature, with other people, or with ourselves.

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In a world that is all about results and checking off to-do’s, we easily get caught in busyness. It feels great to create lists and schedules. But without noticing, we are running rounds in a hamster wheel – every day the same without ever reaching the next level. Our busyness keeps us trapped and distracted. We need to go out of our way to pause so we can get clear on where we really want to go.

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We like to favor actions over words. But words are still needed. Words sometimes speak louder than actions. Because not all actions are always clear. and not all actions can replace words. Words can be powerful – so lets use them to make a positive impact. 

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We value our possessions. We also spend a lot of time thinking about them. And when something happens to them, we worry about them. We should take good care of our things but we need to remember that they can be gone in an instant. Our thoughts about them are more important. they decide how we feel and act. They determine if we have a good day or a bad one. So we need to carefully watch them, more so than our things, which are replaceable. 

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The case of the serious car is my story of an attempted car purchase and the lessons I learned from this rather disappointing experience. Preparation is key for any major purchase. But even then, be ready to leave your desired object behind if you are not being treated properly. As a customer, I want to feel valued and appreciated but if I am only an object that brings potential revenue, I will take my business elsewhere. Its important to keep our dignity.

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Why are we so afraid of being vulnerable? We all have this fear – of being exposed, hurt, seen. And yet, without risking all of it just a little, we don’t live fully. We are standing on the banks of the river, afraid to jump, and never discover whats on the other side. Expectations increase our fear. When we are tied to a certain outcome, we are less likely to take a chance. If we can go into new situations with fewer expectations, we will notice our fear ebb a little and courage rise to the top.

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I have always admired people who can be compassionate towards others, even strangers. And I finally realized – what stands in the way of my compassion is not that I am heartless and selfish. Its my agenda. I have expectations that are more important than anything. And when we only focus on our objective, we are not open to other possible outcomes – hence, a lack of compassion. 

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Lifting weights means discomfort for most of us. But with our cushy lives, we need to be uncomfortable more often. We need to push our limits from time to time to see what we are capable of. The benefits of lifting go beyond a strong and lean physique. Lifting heavy things teaches us who we are, how we handle difficulty and how we persevere. It builds our confidence and improves our self-esteem. In absence of regular physical challenges, we all need to push or pull heavy things now and then to test our boundaries.

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We already know that physical activity is important for our health. But there are other benefits to movement. When we are active, our body and our mind are in communication. We are focused, present and engaged, more so than when we just work with our mind. Physical activity is critical for getting our goals accomplished and moving us to the next level. It teaches us to ignore distractions, those that keep us from getting done what we set out to do.

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We don’t like conflict. We turn to all sorts of strategies just so we can avoid a confrontation. But conflicts are valuable. They offer an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and the relationship with the other person. In this episode I share 3 key steps I found that help me manage conflict more effectively. Allowing conflict to teach us requires some courage and letting go of fear and expectations. But the result will be a rewarding experience for our development as a better human citizen. 

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How can self-love equal self-discipline? These seem to be two opposing concepts. Discipline is rigid, maybe even punitive. Love is free, relaxing, joyful. But yet, how can we be our best self? By relaxing and giving in to every whim? Or by disciplining ourselves so we can reach long term goals that make us proud? When we truly love ourselves, we will look beyond the momentary pleasures and try to achieve our long-term dreams by being more intentional about our decisions. 

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We often complain about our circumstances. We say we don’t want what we currently have and wish for other things and other people. But ultimately, we live the life we want. Everything we have in our life is there because we want it. We may not be conscious of the need that is being met, but there is usually one. When we become aware of our needs, we then have the power to change the circumstances that don’t make us happy. And to live a life we really want, and not just say we want.

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Our relationships with the people close to us are like contracts. When not signed by both parties, these relationships become one-sided and unfulfilling. When one person is not fully committed to the relationship, we cannot force them. We also don’t need to analyze why that is, or wait around for it them to come around. We need to move on. Its time to look at the relationships in our life that may not be met by a mutual agreement. 

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We like to spend time with people that know us and get us. We feel comfortable with them – there are no surprises. But there is also no change. When we add color to our life in the form of colorful people, we grow. Colorful people – skin color, different ages and backgrounds – will broaden our horizon, will challenge our viewpoints, and will help us see new possibilities. 

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I used to be scared of life, of tomorrow, and all the unknowns. And every time something didn’t go as I had hoped, I fell apart. I thought that the unpleasant surprises life brought were misfortune, bad luck and a failure on my part. When life is just life, with all its ups and downs. And this life becomes less good vs bad, when we accept it as it is. Then, suddenly, we begin to see doors where there were only walls before. We are able to make do with the little we have and turn it into something beautiful. But first, we need to trust in our life. 

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We hide behind who we are. Instead of allowing our uniqueness to shine, we hide and follow what everyone else does. We already have enough sameness in this world. We need more different. We need more original ideas, new ways of thinking and creative perspectives. We need more of you – just like you are. So lets not hide and be proud of who we are. Someone in this world needs us to be that person – so lets find out how we can shine for them.

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When given a choice between new projects and goals to take on, we usually go for the easier ones, the quick wins. But we already have a lot of those in our life – email, errands, small projects that come easy to us. The harder tasks take us further because they are more challenging. We shy away from them because they take more time, but in the end they are more rewarding. 

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We consume, but we hardly do anything with all the information we consume. We don’t create. We don’t apply the information we browse, surf, listen to and read every day. Thankfully, we have access to every piece of knowledge we ever wanted to know. But what are we doing with it? 

There is magic in creation. In applying what we know. In helping others with what we learned. The key is to start. To find out why a particular interests us and then DO something with this passion. And as we turn acquired knowledge into action, we continue to learn, but now, in a more focused manner. 

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Success. Failure. Two extremes we don’t experience regularly. Because we like our comfort zone. and from there we admire those that achieve noteworthy success and we wonder how we can do the same. When we know how to. Because we have done it before. In the critical moments in our life – we have stepped up. We achieved greatness and worked through hardship. We did it – step by step. The same formula applies when we want to take our life to the next level.

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We need a reason for getting up. We need a purpose and a vision that drive us. Instead of falling into each day, into events that are already taking place, without our doing, and that carry us along, shake us around and leave us sometimes high, sometimes dry – we need to drive. And we can only drive when we have a purpose – a reason for getting up. 

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“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Einstein famously said. Why? Because our knowledge is known. Its safe. Its what is. What we don’t yet know is on the other side of knowledge. And imagination is the bridge between the two. Imagination can get us to what we don’t yet know. By opening our minds, we become curious. And once we are curious, we begin searching. And soon we are on the other side – with new skills, new knowledge and closer to our purpose.

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Our identity is part of us but rarely do we think about it. When we get defensive, however, it can be a sign that our identity feels threatened. And when we then argue based on our emotions, our identity gets in the way of a healthy dialogue that should be based on logic instead of feelings. If we leave our identity out more, I believe it will serve us better in our human interactions. Especially, since our identity cannot be trusted as a source of truth. 

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Why the Quest For You? After over 400 episodes I figured we should talk about my purpose with my vision. The quest for you is the return to yourself. Instead of looking to the outside to give you direction for your life, you look within. You listen to yourself and what you like and then you go out into the world and play, experiment and discover. I lost myself in all the distractions this world has to offer. But I found myself when I tuned it all out and instead follow my inner guidance system, This is the journey I am on, and this is the journey I want to invite you to join.

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When it comes to procrastination, we don’t need more motivation. We need strategies that help us bridge the gap between idea and action, when willpower fails us. I have 3 of those strategies for you in this episode and I use them all the time when I struggle following through.  

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I came across the concept of Akrasia, which means “weakness of will.” It happens when we procrastinate, when we don’t do what we say we will do, when we fail to follow through.

Often we are good about following up with our promises to others. But what about the promises we make to ourselves? Our goals, our commitments and our dreams. We delay them, we push them off, and we don’t give them the importance they deserve. Because we like the idea about a future goal, but we dislike the actual discomfort associated with the short-term change. 

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Now that summer is here, at least in the Northern Hemisphere, we don’t have an excuse anymore to not get out. Nature was always part of my life as a child, but then I was distracted by other things for many years. My quest for me has led me back to nature again as place of rest, healing and restoration. Nature just is, and teaches us to just be. We don’t need to do anything special – nature is completely free and available for everyone. And yet, we so often forget about it because we are chasing other distractions. 

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Before we begin something new, it can feel like we are entering a dark tunnel. We are uncertain what lies ahead. We are scared and don’t know if we can do it. But for every BEFORE, there is an AFTER. Every tunnel has two ends. The darkness is in the middle and only lasts for a while. As long as we keep moving along, we will eventually reach the other end.

Recall anything you difficult you ever started or that you were faced with. Eventually you made it through. Like a tunnel you drive through. 

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Every action defines us. While our intentions may be positive, they count little. People see our actions. They hear our words. And they come to expect patterns from us they have seen in the past. Whether we like it or not – we are defined by the things we do and fail to do. If we want to change who we are, good intentions are not enough. We need to align our actions with our intentions. 

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A short story offers a powerful message – our old beliefs hold us back. Some of them are so engrained in us, that we don’t even notice how they influence our daily lives. Some of these beliefs are outdated, no longer applicable, and don’t support our new goals. Some are simply not true. Maybe we picked them up long time ago and never questioned them. If we are not making the progress we wish to see, if we don’t accomplish what we set out to do, it may be time to check if we are marching to the drum of old beliefs that restrict us from reaching the next level.

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A famous Sufi saying inspired this episode. And it inspired me to think about how many times I have been the source of the problems in my life by inviting the “elephant trainer” into my house – i.e. the person causing all the issues. There is no need to blame these people. They are who they are. The one to blame is us – we need to be clear about our needs and our expectations. Just because a person is good, kind and generous doesn’t mean they meet our needs.

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Is there even such a thing as “being ready”? Most of the time, we don’t feel prepared for the important tasks in our life. Yet, when looking back, they almost always worked out. If we went for them. A lot of times, we allow our feelings of not being ready hold us back. In this episode, I don’t suggest to dive in blindly into every opportunity that comes our way. There are a few things we can do to prepare. But eventually, there comes a moment where we have to take that leap and START, even when we don’t feel ready. 

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When I stumbled across the surrender strategy in The 48 Laws of Power, I had already tried it. After many arguments and fights, trying to win and come out as the smartest, I finally realized – it doesn’t work. And I began playing with the opposite – instead of trying to win, I surrendered. And I realized – it works.

The surrender strategy is a powerful tool we can all use to be more effective in our relationships with others.

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I spent a lot of times on airplanes this year already and I did not realize how poor my experiences was each time until I recently flew Southwest. I had a complicated dilemma that resulted in 2 changed flights but thanks to Southwest, I was able to make these change while standing in line for coffee at the airport and without a major financial impact. The power of customer service. Southwest understands it. Most other airlines don’t. Coincidentally, as I was preparing for this episode, I stumbled across the concept of “omotenashi” in a blog post by Seth Godin. I compare it to WOW – wowing the customer – something Southwest did to me the other day, and something we need to do more of. Instead of only looking for the most profitable customer, we should strive to make our customer happy first. Money will then follow – automatically. 

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We all have talents, strengths, inclinations. But what are we doing with them? In this episode I want to inspire you to begin thinking about your talents and how you can apply them to make a bigger impact in this world. 

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As an introvert, making friends has always been hard for me. Until I realized that my approach was wrong. I kept looking for friends I can share all aspects of my life with, not realizing how unrealistic this expectation is. As a result I was always searching and never finding. Until I ended the search and simply did what I loved. And suddenly, and unexpectedly, friends arrived. Friends I would have never noticed had I searched them. Friends so different from me, yet friends that are on the same quest to be their best. And those are the best friends because they accept me for who I am while challenging me to become who I want to be.

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Have you noticed how seemingly small things can derail your plans in major ways? Like – a texting exchange with someone, that you think you can do on the side while working on your project? And 2 hours later you are still arguing with that person and your project remains unfinished?This or something similar happens more frequently than we think. And if we want to get our important work done, we need to learn to detect these distractions. Lets find out why we even allow them into our life and that then will help us manage them better.

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This is the last activity that I review this week in our series of 3 things to add to our day that will make a significant difference. Even if these are not on your to-do list and you are struggling to get everything else done, I believe, reading, stillness and setting an intention for the day are 3 small changes that will help us be more successful with everything else we are doing.An intention sets the course for the day. It provides direction of where you want to go during the day. Instead of falling into the day haphazardly, and letting yourself be directed here and there by your events, you, subconsciously, have decided what matters most. And by doing so, you will find that you are staying more in line of your purpose, and waste less energy on the things that don’t matter as much.

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This week I am focusing on 3 small daily routines that will have a significant impact on our lives if we include them. We already covered Reading as a practice to grow our minds. Stillness allows our minds to rest and relax. In this overly wired world, we need to give our brain breaks so it has time to digest all the outside stimulation. Stillness can bring surprising new insights as all the information settles and organizes itself. Its in the quietness that we discover who we are and where we need to go.

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I have tackled big goals this year and I have made lots of progress. But I have neglected some of those smaller yet highly critical things that I want as a part of my life. This week – we will cover all 3. Not because they matter to me, but because I believe the matter to everyone. If we want to reach higher in life, become a better version of ourselves and perform at our best, we need to read more, make time for stillness, and start every day with intention.Lets talk about reading today and please join me in this challenge to make reading a daily practice. 

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I am always fascinated by the topic of detachment. But I only notice and think about it when I find myself attaching – when I notice those gripping feelings of fear, anxiety and jealousy that leave me feeling powerless and drained. And that is exactly when we need to learn to let go. Letting go is not an easy process because we hold on for a reason – it gives us a sense of safety. Letting go is like jumping off a cliff. I learned that the simple fact of becoming aware of our attachment is the most part of letting go. When we notice we are attaching, quite often, the attachment has nothing to control us with anymore and dissolves us. Its when we are not conscious that our thoughts reign free and cause those negative feelings. 

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I recently attended a workshop at my office on authentic leadership. It came timely as I had just recorded an episode on why we cannot be our authentic selves. We learned that authentic leadership is just what I had argued its not – a process of becoming your best self. Authentic means that we write our own authentic story as we go. Its not fixed; its not who we are and who we will always be. Rather, its the sum of our experiences that we use to create our own story. 

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Everyone tells us that we need to say No more often if we want to become more focused and get stuff done. I think we know how how to say no. But I doubt we know WHEN we should say no. Lets dig in to find out WHEN saying no is best. 

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I spent Easter Sunday alone in a beautiful house with a blooming garden. And this made me feel grateful for all the wonderful people I have in my life and everything they teach me. This episode is a list of appreciations. Maybe you find them applicable to the people in your life. Sometimes its just a good idea to bring to our mind what each and everyone contributes to our lives. 

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Being productive feels good. Getting things checked off can almost be addicting. Constant hits of dopamine provide us with motivation to get more done. But with all the checking-off frenzy – are we still focused on our big goals? I found that even those get broken down into small tasks and I get caught up getting those done day in and day out – without thinking bigger. Being productive feels best when I go after the things that matter – not just the daily grind. The things that matter may up some of the grind, but as long as I stay focused on the big objective, I don’t have to get caught up in menial little things, such as posting every milestone on social media. 

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Celebrating others can be challenging. We often feel we deserve the praise more. Or, we just don’t see what they have done that deserves celebrating. Yet, this is a wonderful way to connect with another person. Not only does it make them feel great, but you also feel good padding others on the back. People remember how we make them feel and I have seen over and over again that they will cheer us on when its our turn.

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Flying spurs my creativity and changes my perspective. Every time I am on a plane, my dreams seem so much more achievable than when I am with both feet on the ground. I wrote this poem on a recent trip, with my nose pressed against the cabin window, looking at snow-covered mountain ranges and dreaming of climbing them all. Allow yourself to be inspired by something that gives you a similar joy – music can do it, spending time in nature, reading. It feels great to “fly high” from time to time and then to take a piece of that dream with us into our “grounded life” and implement it.

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Finding our passion can be daunting and frustrating journey, especially when we just don’t know what we are passionate about, while others are clear about it since they were children. For most of my life I didn’t think there was anything in particular I was passionate about. But when I look back, I see that I didn’t even look. When I started engaging with life, taking chances, trying out new things, thats when I discovered many things I am passionate about.We don’t find our passion – it finds us once we are open to it. 

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I like reaching goals. Journeys sound good, and I don’t shy away from them – but I do like to get them done and over with. The hard work requires patience. There are setbacks and sometimes we feel like giving up. When we set our mind to the process, and accept every step, whether its a failure or a celebration, then we can really learn to master a craft. The hard work is hard, but its good for us. Because with hard work comes growth. To many of our daily tasks are about checking things off. The hard work, those projects in life that take a long time and require lots of effort and sacrifice, are the truly rewarding journeys. 

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Why do we feel offended some times more than others? And is it even useful to feel offended? I argue its a waste of valuable energy. When we get offended, we give away our power. When we feel strongly about something, we should do so without getting offended when someone has something contrary to say. 

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Have you been the receiver of the silent treatment before? Its a very ineffective way of communicating. And even though there is silence, the person issuing it is still communicating. Sadly, this kind of communication, that holds another person in limbo, doesn’t resolve much. I will go over the three main drawbacks of silent treatments, hoping it will help you detect in when others give it to you, or not use it anymore if you have resorted to it before.

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How we can become more effective in the different roles we play each day? Maybe you are tempted to say that we need to be more authentic. But its more important that we are consistent. Just as we expect products to perform the same way every time and people to treat us well each time, the same is expected of us. Our roles come with expectations and they can seem like a burden, but I argue that we when we learn to play them well, they will make us a better person.

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Have you, like I, asked yourself and the people around you why you just can’t be yourself? Possibly when there was a conflict and you didn’t feel heard or seen? We all have probably thought or even uttered this question at some difficult moments in our life. I decided to tackle this common question in today’s episode. And my vote is no – no, we cannot just be ourselves. Tune in to find out why. 

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Spring cleaning is a tradition in many cultures and its usually related to clearing out the old and making space for the new. It can seem like a chore and hard to get in the mood for, but cleaning out and making space has shown to make us happier human beings. I tackle small projects as I find time and I cannot agree more – looking at the spaces that are now clutter-free makes me feel good.
So why not make ourselves happier by getting rid of some stuff that we probably don’t need anyway?

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After several recent trips to the East coast I have finally figured out how to minimize my jet lag, which usually interferes with my first day at the new place and doesn’t allow me to perform at my best.The key is preparation – as with so many other things in life. If we want to be on top of our game, we cannot expect our bodies to adjust to a sudden time change so quickly. We need to prepare – several days ahead of time.I am sharing tips with you on sleep preparation, food intake, movement and general planning around your trip. The areas that you normally plan around and deem important in your daily life are just as important when you travel.

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I am still reading Robert Greene’s book The 48 Laws of Power and I was right in the middle of allowing myself be controlled by my emotions when I came across law # 10. It talks about the “infectious” emotional states of others – how others, with their problems and instability can bring us down. While I don’t consider myself unstable, it caused me to reflect that we sometimes spend to much time with people that, instead of pushing us forward, pull is down. When we don’t get our work done or accomplish our goals because we spend to much time with them, we may need to reflect and reduce the time we give them. Sadly – we often really like these people. Maybe we have known them for a long time. But we need to be cautious of the influence they have on our effectiveness  and impact in this world. 

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In a recent workshop I noticed something: We are all good at telling stories. But are we sharing the real stories? Those that need to be told? We may be great presenters and story tellers but in order to tell the real and true stories, we have some more work to do.Our authentic self is often hidden behind masks and covers to protect ourselves. When we start digging and questions, we can reveal the stories that we need to tell – those stories that help others on their journey.

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Lets take a moment to celebrate the arrival of spring. Longer days, warmer weather, the start of something new. We complain often about winter – the changing of the clocks, and the short days. So now that spring is here, lets acknowledge it by pausing – even if just briefly.

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The story I shared in episode 408 about the donut box in my office is really a story on how our environment influences our decisions. Therefore, if we want to become successful with our goals, we need to learn to manage our environment. Motivation and willpower are not enough. They will not prepare us for the many disruptions life presents us with.We need plans and system in place to manage these disruptions. Listen to my 4 lessons from the donut box and examples from my life where I have implemented a system to protect me from “the donut box.”

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